I had to recently put my mom in dementia long term facility. She keeps calling me to ask when am I going to pick her up. I change the subject but she keeps insisting. She even called up a family friend to say she didn't know where she was and she was in a dump! She is only eating very little and isn't adjusting well. Should I worry? When she was at home, she was wandering, getting violent and ended up in the hospital for a month. Any advice?
A lot of people suggest what's called a "therapeutic fib". Little white lie. Like "We can't do anything until the doctor says you can go home." Given that most have dementia, they later forget where they lived just prior. My husband's grandmother had dementia and did not remember she'd lived with her daughter for two years before going to memory care.
You have done the right thing. No one can blame you for being worried. She will adjust and emotions will stabilize-- both hers and yours!
Is there a close friend or family member nearby who can be your eyes on the ground?
My Mom, when she was in long-term-care, kept asking about going home. I thought she meant the house that she and my Dad had shared. It wasn't until she asked if the cattle were in the field that I realized what home she was talking about, her childhood home. Surely there was no cattle in my parents subdivision house yard :)
I used the "therapeutic fibs" which helped. When my Mom [98] asked to go visit her parents, I told her they were visiting the old county and won't be back until next month. That worked. Next day Mom wanted to visit one of her sisters, so I quickly had to find a fib that would satisfy Mom.
I cared for Mom IN HER HOME OF 40 YEARS for 13 months until she died. She still insisted she wanted to go home. I gently reminded Mom that this was her home and that she even had it paid off. While she seemed to understand, I think she didn't like that answer.
It's not where your mother is, stormyone, but that she's not at her childhood home. It's tough on you, I know. Freqflyer makes good use of the therapeutic fibs.