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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Adult Day Program-all day-then home after the kids -then the sundowning/fighting/yelling @ the kids starts while I am starting to make dinner, getting my mother to sit down/into the bathroom etc. Nonstop chaos also on the weekend.
I realize you mother has Alz., but your 7 year old and 4 year old are being exposed to the emotional abuse of all that yelling. I hope this experience does not make them not like or trust old people.
It's also not healthy for you and your husband to constantly experience such emotional abuse. If everyone starts becoming distant from 'grandma' for the sake of emotional survival, then how is that not going to impact the relationships of your immediate family? Has this impacted your daughter's grades in school? It is possible that your home has become so 'grandma focused', that others are starting to feel disconnected from each other, but hopefully that has not happened yet. I would imagine your husband feels helpless to protect you, his wife, and ya'lls kids from your mother's constant yelling and chaos. Believe me, from my perspective as a husband, this is not a good situation for any marriage or children. She's not going to change and it's not going to get any better, sad to say. In my own life, for the sake of my own well being and our two children, I had finally had enough and my wife refused to deal with her abusive mother until I set some boundaries with some practical consequences like the boys and I going away for several days when my wife broke a boundary concerning her mother that we had talked about and agreed to. Finally, a couple of more times of practical consequences and the straw finally broke when she saw her mom verbally abuse our boys just like her mother had treated her. Now, we all have our life back as a family and I have my wife back. Now, some husbands are not as bold as I have become over the last 8 years, but they sometime find excuses to not be at home as much like working later hours, going to the golf club or YMCA, etc. or just speaking with their feet. The social worker has given you their objective professional opinion and suggestion. So, what are you afraid of or feel obligated about that keeps a nursing home with an Alz. unit from being worked on right now?
My advice work now with the placement because when she gets more confused the transition will be more difficult for her and the caregiver to deal with it and she has the chance to be kicked out from the facility. The transition takes time and patience but, sometimes especially in these peoples case is very challenging. Look for Residential Care, home like environment, with very close supervision with 1 caregiver per 3-4 Residents. It will help her feel home, new home and not hospital setting.
My kids are 7 & 4. My mom worked in a nursing home!!! Activities Director. Loved doing crafts but can not focus now to do them. She wants to help me around the house, but you know how that goes-ya never know when the tissues come out of the pocket to wipe a table etc. Always collecting toilet paper/tissues. Ya never know whats clean. I always have her washing her hands. Mom asks to help w/laundry- not folded as the basket is left in front of her to do. She wants to help but has no idea how. People tell me to have her fold towels-wants to but then the task @ hand never gets started or finished. How many more magazines can she sit & read? Watch TV?? Again-not focused. I want to have her more active w/us!! Not sure what stage but def needs 24 hr supervision. Needs total assist w/everything. Direction always-STM is gone. even some LTMemory. Ask her to wash her face & she brushes her hair. A & 0 x 0-place/time. Commode is by the bed. Not using now as the bed is wet every morning or the floor. Does know me & my kids. Forgets my husband on occasion. Thinks she knows someone in every other car that goes by us. My husband & brother will do whatever I want to do. The SW states-put her in a NHome, I am just not ready. She is just 69 & has had this dz for the last 8yrs. Has lived w/me for 3-prior was senior housing-not so good! My 7 yr old daughter is a little distant w/my mother-d/t being yelled @/a bit confused about Nana- nice & then always yelling @ her to be quiet when playing w/ 4 yr old brother. My plan is a nursing home-just not now! Just need to get a plan for respite so I/spouse/kids can get a break! Completely exhausted!!!!! Thanks for your hugs & well wishes-sure need them like everyone here on the website.
What stage does her doctor say her Alz. is? What back up plan do you have when all of this, if it is not already, gets over your head?
I was glad to read more details about you which helped me see the larger picture. Your children are too young to help and at that age on up through the teen years are quite demanding and stressful enough. Mix in that your marriage, probably house payments, and I assume you work outside of the home plus the number of years you have before your own retirement makes all of this tougher.
What is your husband's input on all of this? Ya'll really need to discuss this factually and in depth if ya'll have not. Both of you need to be on the same page? What is he feeling about all of this? What is he feeling this is doing to ya'lls marriage? What is your perception of your children's reaction to grandma's dynamics. I had a great aunt who went off the deep in while my mom and I lived with her parents and the great aunt lived in the same house. She found me scary and I found her horrific.
Does your mother have any means like a long term care policy, etc.? I hope that you already have durable and medical POA for your mom. Unless a doctor has determined she is incompetent, I'd try to get it soon. If she is incompetent, you just might have to go for guardianship so that you can really do what is best for her safety and care, plus the safety and care of your whole family.
Keep coming back to vent, let us know how you are doing? I wish you well in dealing with this in a manner in which no one is thrown under the bus.
What did your mom like to do when she lived independently? Did she work or take care of her home? How old are your children? I hope you can share more info so we can think of some suggestions. I know you must be frustrated and exhausted. You have my sympathy ,and I hope some of the answers you receive from the community can help. Best Wishes , RLP
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's also not healthy for you and your husband to constantly experience such emotional abuse. If everyone starts becoming distant from 'grandma' for the sake of emotional survival, then how is that not going to impact the relationships of your immediate family? Has this impacted your daughter's grades in school? It is possible that your home has become so 'grandma focused', that others are starting to feel disconnected from each other, but hopefully that has not happened yet. I would imagine your husband feels helpless to protect you, his wife, and ya'lls kids from your mother's constant yelling and chaos. Believe me, from my perspective as a husband, this is not a good situation for any marriage or children. She's not going to change and it's not going to get any better, sad to say. In my own life, for the sake of my own well being and our two children, I had finally had enough and my wife refused to deal with her abusive mother until I set some boundaries with some practical consequences like the boys and I going away for several days when my wife broke a boundary concerning her mother that we had talked about and agreed to. Finally, a couple of more times of practical consequences and the straw finally broke when she saw her mom verbally abuse our boys just like her mother had treated her. Now, we all have our life back as a family and I have my wife back. Now, some husbands are not as bold as I have become over the last 8 years, but they sometime find excuses to not be at home as much like working later hours, going to the golf club or YMCA, etc. or just speaking with their feet.
The social worker has given you their objective professional opinion and suggestion. So, what are you afraid of or feel obligated about that keeps a nursing home with an Alz. unit from being worked on right now?
I was glad to read more details about you which helped me see the larger picture. Your children are too young to help and at that age on up through the teen years are quite demanding and stressful enough. Mix in that your marriage, probably house payments, and I assume you work outside of the home plus the number of years you have before your own retirement makes all of this tougher.
What is your husband's input on all of this? Ya'll really need to discuss this factually and in depth if ya'll have not. Both of you need to be on the same page? What is he feeling about all of this? What is he feeling this is doing to ya'lls marriage? What is your perception of your children's reaction to grandma's dynamics. I had a great aunt who went off the deep in while my mom and I lived with her parents and the great aunt lived in the same house. She found me scary and I found her horrific.
Does your mother have any means like a long term care policy, etc.? I hope that you already have durable and medical POA for your mom. Unless a doctor has determined she is incompetent, I'd try to get it soon. If she is incompetent, you just might have to go for guardianship so that you can really do what is best for her safety and care, plus the safety and care of your whole family.
Keep coming back to vent, let us know how you are doing? I wish you well in dealing with this in a manner in which no one is thrown under the bus.