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A chain was used but it is often forgotten to be unlocked and key holders then have aprob accessing the home, especially in mornings (she is still in bed).
I am constantly admonishing my mother to NOT open the door to strangers yet she repeatedly does! "I open the door just a little bit" as if that makes a hill of beans of a difference...
This works for me because I live with my mother, it may not work for you if she lives alone. We have a lock that can be locked from the inside, it can be unlocked on the outside, but if a key remains in the inside door you can't get in unless the person inside removes the key. I just keep the door locked and keep the key on me while in the house, because if I am in the bathroom and someone knocks she will open the door wide to God knows what. I think that if someone wants to see us, they should call us first so we expect them, otherwise I don't open the door to anyone I am not expecting and she can't open it. Also, she just can't decide to take a walk by herself now. But if she lives alone, she probably couldn't figure out how to open the door if she really needed, and if she had the key in the door in the inside, the police or fire could not get in without breaking down the door.
As a delivery person I come across alot of doors that have the sign posted by them "ABSOLUTELY NO SOLICITORS" It always gets my attention and sometimes I need for that person to sign for the item and I hope and pray they don't shoot me when I ring the bell, just kidding about that part but I hope that helps!
It's been my experience that people pay no attention to these signs, and if someone means harm, well that sign is meaningless. If you are expecting a delivery you can make arrangements.
Good suggestions! I live with my mother and am her caregiver, so the fact she opens the door to anyone who knocks really frightens me. I have gone over and over with her that if someone knocks, she must not open the door. I've told her get me or, if I'm not around, to go into the dining room and look outside. If she does not know the person, I've told her to tell them she cannot open the door. This has not changed the fact that she continues to open the door whenever someone knocks.
I forgot to add, I wonder if this problem is another dementia symptom? I guess that the fact my mother continues to open the door to strangers is because she simply can't remember my directive to her NOT to open the door. I get angry because I think she's just defying me (which she often does). It's really hellish living with an adult who has almost no short term memory. Unless you've lived like this, most people cannot understand how stressful and agonizing it is to live with an adult who cannot remember most of the simple rules for day to day living.
I thought I would add this not that it has happened to me, but obviously it has happened. I also checked this on snopes to make sure it was true. Be aware of couriers at your door with a gift of flowers or wine with a need of collecting on a delivery charge having to use your credit card. DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR CARD or YOUR PIN. They use a machine that keeps all your information and they will clean out your accounts. People think that the "gift" was something special just for them and they want to see who it's from. There is NO CARD information and that's why the courier needs your payment information. I'm sure this could easily happen to our loved ones especially if any courier scopes out any residence to see who lives there before they ring the bell. Hope this is helpful. New scams are developed every day. My mother recently invited someone in the house that was looking for a hand out. Luckily, I believe my big dog rushing him kept anything from happening...or maybe it really was someone looking for a little help. Be careful out there.
Might it help to put a sign on the inside of the door (the part your mom sees) that says "do not open the door to anyone. Come and get me if there is a knock on door" ?
I can't offer any good suggestions, but can add that my mom went further and further in the direction of opening her home. First she took down all the curtains. She lived in a wooded secluded area, so no one could really see in when they drove by, but they could see her lights. That concerned me tremendously, because she lived alone, but... she had NO fear! (could be she was also a bit careless, not smart... I don't want to say anything bad about her at this point).
Then she would also leave her doors unlocked. We constantly asked her to lock them. She didn't want to have to get up to unlock the doors for us when we arrived so she told us as soon as she knew we were coming she would unlock.
Sadly, she passed away in her sleep at the age of nearly 93. I asked her a few years ago, what would her greatest words of advice be to me. She thought for a few moments and told me never to worry. I said really? I could hardly believe that was it. She said... seriously, she worried a lot throughout her whole long life and everything turned out OK in the long run. So, she repeated, never worry.
Well, I still find it hard to believe and hard to do. I think we all need to be careful and smart about things. So, I applaud all of those who are still trying to protect your homes. Just wanted to share this one story of how my dear mom's mind worked in the end of her life.
She welcomed everyone and got very energetic when anyone came around to visit, she mostly loved chatting with handsome men...
My mom lives with me and will do the same thing...answer the door, answer the phone...I keep the doors locked at all times only unlocking them if I go outside to empty garbage or get the mail, etc. Mom, due to her dementia, has difficulty remembering how to unlock the doors on her own which I consider to be a good thing at this point because she too, will just open the door to whoever comes along. It is scary and that is one of the many reasons why she now lives with me. It is difficult to protect them from every possible problem scenario...but it's what we caregivers do!
That's cute Soozie, yes, my mom can bat the eyelashes at the lads. She is so right, don't worry about things, everything works out for the best, but mom didn't tell you about the 12 gauge shotgun she had under her pillow LOL. No really, lately they have people scoping out houses for the elderly alone around here, police alert throughout the neighborhood, seems they come and knock when they know it is elderly alone, and talk about religion to gain access and then take the poor misfortunate for all they can. I say yeah don't sweat the small stuff and don't worry, but be safe and keep your powder dry, not everyone means well.
I had the same problem.My Grandmother would unlock the door,and just yell out for whoever knocked,to come on in.I heard some one in the house,and went to see who came by,it was 3 men wanting to do a carpet demonstration.She was telling them how she was a widow,and that I was divorced etc.After that incident,I put Beware of dog signs on all the doors,and left 2 of the dogs inside,if I had to go to the back of the house.Afterwards,when she told them to come in,they would stay out and keep knocking.She was just too trusting of everyone.
My worries are not so much with strangers coming to the door, although, I KNOW she would answer to anyone. My mom's hard to control behavior is answering the phone and giving out her SSN to whomever the caller is and any other personal information. Also, last month I had to block her ability to call 411 for information for the same number over and over and ones that I had in her personal little green book. Our phone service charges $2 for every 411 call.
Oh my never thought about the phone, sheesh, I can see that as a real problem if person does not have dementia and can give out information. I wonder if the phone company has any solutions for this? I was thinking perhaps disable the regular phone and have emergency medical alert system, plus a prepaid cell phone with your number only or whomever you want programmed in,so you could call in. I don't know so many issues to figure out.
George2short - if you are telling us your mother lives alone and she has dementia, she needs to have someone there full-time or move her to a safe living arrangement. Hoping that nothing will happen to her is not realistic. There are men raping 90+ yr. old women. Yes, you should be worried about her safety!
I told my Mom that anyone who needs to come over has a key - anyone who knocks or rings the bell that has not called first & we are expecting is NOT welcome unless I am home to open the door - PERIOD. Does that stop her? Nope. Like someone above, she has said "i just open it a little to see who it is..." Ugh.
Hi Madeaa. I live with my mother (who does have moderate dementia). I have thought many times about disabling the house phone but she has a few people who call her sometimes. I don't want to cut her access to friends and family. I do have a cell phone of my own. Mom, however, cannot handle technology of any kind--new or old. I've tried putting her number on the Do Not Call Registry and that is not a sure safeguard. Robo-calls and other solicitors get in somehow. People call asking for donations and such. I have had to cancel magazine subscriptions twice because she told them she would take the magazine. I try to head off the mail when it comes because she will either lose it or answer the 'call for help'. I do have control over the bank card and checkbook and bank account but things slip by in other ways. Seems I'm always trying to head off something. Anyway, don't have the answer yet but I'm open to workable ideas.
I bet someone could make a fortune if they could come up with security ideas for this problem. I guess if a person didn't want to get an attack dog, they could hook up the doorbell so that every time someone pushed it, it would SOUND like an attack dog in the background.! That might give pause to someone up to no good I guess. :)
There is a AP article by Jim Fitzgerald in today's Seattle Times (Monday Ap.22) "Caregivers get helping hand from apps" Health tools: From GPS devices and computer programs that track a wandering ALZ patient to iPad apps that help ...technology is giving an assist to harried familes." It is an interesting article that may be of help to some of you.
for the issue of opening the door to strangers...with some tech support, you could probably mount a camera/monitor to capture the image and have it displayed through an app to identify the person knocking on the door Following a burglary, police told me the best lock to get is the one that requires a key to open both on the outside and inside deadbolt. The danger is needing to get out yourself in case of emergency, which is why I slept with the key in the lock. However, if you have a situation with your patient/parent opening up to anyone, then you'd need to put the deadbolt up high enough to make it tough to reach easily. In any case, you would need a secondary escape route...back door? kitchen door? that did not have that sort of double keyed lock. Most scanners are going too come to the front door to try and get someone to open up for them (thinking of the fake florist scam, magazine scams, etc.) and not the back door. If you have an emergency alert system, they can be informed about the lock and send EM folks to the secondary entrance. Also, think about the good ole intercom system connected to the door bell (push to talk) and some cleaver person can use a recording machine to "answer" the door bell? (with wild dog barking in close proximity) Just thinking! Good luck!
Soozi, I can really relate. Mom got excited about handsome men as well, and even not so good looking men. All he had to be was a man, married, single, poor, t didn't matter. I have trouble with my dh who wants to open the door to just anyone. He says "they are just trying to make a living." I have lectured over and over for him not to to do that but he still persists.
After a few incidents of the same here (Mom opening the door to anyone who knocked) I told her that anyone who needs to ring the doorbell is someone she is NOT to open the door to unless she is expecting a visitor. If it's important they will come back or leave a slip at the door (such as UPS, post office, etc.) that I will deal with later, and for her to not answer. Anyone who is welcome here either already has a key to the house or will personally call before visiting. I reminded her that times have changed, and it is just not safe to answer the door to strangers anymore. She knows this, yet does it anyways. She's in a SNF now - hopefully for the long-haul - but if she comes back home, this is one issue we will need to address again. Maybe a health department "Quarantine" sign on the front door would help ward off would-be scammers & intruders...haha! ;)
My husband has early onset Lewy Body Dementia, and he seems to still be able to do the things he has always done, but cannot learn new things. Maybe older people with dementia are not afraid of strangers, because they are from a time, when people trusted everyone, didn't lock their doors, and invited strangers in. My husband is from a younger generation, always lived in a large city, and went to the police academy, so he locks everything always and constantly checks the locks. So I don't think even in his dementia he would let a stranger in.
We also have an alarm on the house, with a "stay" setting, so if you don't disarm it and open the door it makes a hideous noise. I have a BIG note on the door to remind him to "turn off alarm." My husband doesn't know how to use the alarm and it scares him, but the note always makes him stop and ask if the alarm is on, if he wants to go outside.
One thing that helps me feel safe, when I have to open the door, is our heavy duty screen door with glass panels that can be slid up or down for air, but you can open the main door to see who, and yet it is still strong enough to stop an intruder. Maybe opening one door would be enough to satisfy the automatic urge to open a door, and they would stop at the second.
I accidently discovered another thing, when we recently installed a fence for our dog. He is never left out doors alone, but it seems that solisters see the fence and dog toys and are afraid that there is a dog out of sight that might be vicious, so they have started leaving their flyers in the gate. If you have a fence, then maybe a "beware of dog" sign.
These are things that work for now for us, but may not in the future as we travel this twisty road of dementia.
Great idea about the Quarantine sign! My mom still lives alone at this time I have convinced her to at least keep the storm door locked even if she is going to open the main door and she does this about 98% of the time. The problem is that she is so desperate for visitors that once she has seen who it is she is still likely to let them inside. Mom's money is protected because she doesn't even know which bank it is in anymore but she is a menace about giving out her SSN ! Best case scenario is that she will FORGET that and remember things that will keep her safe. She no longer has a normal land line for the phone because when we moved her into her small apt we added her to our cell service and she only has the cell phone now and that helps with unwanted calls but there is another problem. My mom has a computer and internet service and you get all kinds of trash via email and my mom will answer email and give out important information! I have been considering taking away her internet but I feel so guilty about it. She has so little to do anymore.
Sooozi - Maybe your mother was right! Worrying is so bad for us.
Worrying is NOT the same as planning and taking preventive action. I have the opposite problem with my husband. He's likely to lock the door I left open when I went out without a key. So I guess I have to break down and carry a key.
Wow Sooozi, I needed to hear that! I worry more and more, much as my mother does - and I keep telling her not to worry. How about a little faith. I intend to relax a little and enjoy life for the next 24 hours. Then maybe I can remind myself that every morning. Thanks.
Thanks for warning us of the flower scam...here in CA home invasions have started to occur when the intruders go in when no one answers the door; the intruders assume/believe no one is home so they go in. Peephole and cell phone in hand for 911 if needed.
The screen door thing, my husband opens both doors to let anybody in. I doubt it that a sign of any kind around here would help. I think the scammers/thugs around here don't know how to read. They dropped out of school a long time ago.
Signs didn't work for mom. She reads it, repeats the written rules and then promptly (not defiantly... just not connecting in her brain) breaks it - all in the same minute. Opening the door to strangers as well as giving away vital info on the phone was such a problem with my mom that we now have someone there 24/7. Mom is fast to the door, and she always "recognizes" them - even complete strangers, so if the caregiver cant physically beat mom to the door, they at least stand with mom at the open door and shoo away the solicitors. (My mom wrote a $7000 check to a man soliciting for magazine prescriptions... and never remembered doing it, yet the neurologist says she does not have dementia!) For my mom, we saw that it was not only hopeless for us, but it was very discouraging to her for us to keep telling her the rules about answering the door... bc she was always forgetting and thus failing daily... that cant be fun. So we stopped nagging and now just try to protect her the best we can with caregivers and relatives. Hope you find a solution that works for you. Be safe.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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Be aware of couriers at your door with a gift of flowers or wine with a need of collecting on a delivery charge having to use your credit card. DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR CARD or YOUR PIN. They use a machine that keeps all your information and they will clean out your accounts. People think that the "gift" was something special just for them and they want to see who it's from. There is NO CARD information and that's why the courier needs your payment information. I'm sure this could easily happen to our loved ones especially if any courier scopes out any residence to see who lives there before they ring the bell. Hope this is helpful. New scams are developed every day. My mother recently invited someone in the house that was looking for a hand out. Luckily, I believe my big dog rushing him kept anything from happening...or maybe it really was someone looking for a little help. Be careful out there.
Then she would also leave her doors unlocked. We constantly asked her to lock them. She didn't want to have to get up to unlock the doors for us when we arrived so she told us as soon as she knew we were coming she would unlock.
Sadly, she passed away in her sleep at the age of nearly 93. I asked her a few years ago, what would her greatest words of advice be to me. She thought for a few moments and told me never to worry. I said really? I could hardly believe that was it. She said... seriously, she worried a lot throughout her whole long life and everything turned out OK in the long run. So, she repeated, never worry.
Well, I still find it hard to believe and hard to do. I think we all need to be careful and smart about things. So, I applaud all of those who are still trying to protect your homes. Just wanted to share this one story of how my dear mom's mind worked in the end of her life.
She welcomed everyone and got very energetic when anyone came around to visit, she mostly loved chatting with handsome men...
"Caregivers get helping hand from apps"
Health tools: From GPS devices and computer programs that track a wandering ALZ patient to iPad apps that help ...technology is giving an assist to harried familes."
It is an interesting article that may be of help to some of you.
for the issue of opening the door to strangers...with some tech support, you could probably mount a camera/monitor to capture the image and have it displayed through an app to identify the person knocking on the door
Following a burglary, police told me the best lock to get is the one that requires a key to open both on the outside and inside deadbolt. The danger is needing to get out yourself in case of emergency, which is why I slept with the key in the lock. However, if you have a situation with your patient/parent opening up to anyone, then you'd need to put the deadbolt up high enough to make it tough to reach easily. In any case, you would need a secondary escape route...back door? kitchen door? that did not have that sort of double keyed lock. Most scanners are going too come to the front door to try and get someone to open up for them (thinking of the fake florist scam, magazine scams, etc.) and not the back door.
If you have an emergency alert system, they can be informed about the lock and send EM folks to the secondary entrance.
Also, think about the good ole intercom system connected to the door bell (push to talk) and some cleaver person can use a recording machine to "answer" the door bell? (with wild dog barking in close proximity)
Just thinking!
Good luck!
That should scare off the bad guys!
We also have an alarm on the house, with a "stay" setting, so if you don't disarm it and open the door it makes a hideous noise. I have a BIG note on the door to remind him to "turn off alarm." My husband doesn't know how to use the alarm and it scares him, but the note always makes him stop and ask if the alarm is on, if he wants to go outside.
One thing that helps me feel safe, when I have to open the door, is our heavy duty screen door with glass panels that can be slid up or down for air, but you can open the main door to see who, and yet it is still strong enough to stop an intruder. Maybe opening one door would be enough to satisfy the automatic urge to open a door, and they would stop at the second.
I accidently discovered another thing, when we recently installed a fence for our dog. He is never left out doors alone, but it seems that solisters see the fence and dog toys and are afraid that there is a dog out of sight that might be vicious, so they have started leaving their flyers in the gate. If you have a fence, then maybe a "beware of dog" sign.
These are things that work for now for us, but may not in the future as we travel this twisty road of dementia.
She no longer has a normal land line for the phone because when we moved her into her small apt we added her to our cell service and she only has the cell phone now and that helps with unwanted calls but there is another problem. My mom has a computer and internet service and you get all kinds of trash via email and my mom will answer email and give out important information! I have been considering taking away her internet but I feel so guilty about it. She has so little to do anymore.
Worrying is NOT the same as planning and taking preventive action. I have the opposite problem with my husband. He's likely to lock the door I left open when I went out without a key. So I guess I have to break down and carry a key.