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My father-in-law is living with us since recovering from a heart attack. I am home with him all day. He has dementia and asks many questions over & over, badgers us constantly about his money (he has sufficient funds) and bills (we pay all of them). He also tries to be "helpful" by doing heavy lifting when we're not looking or gets down on the floor to pick something up, which puts him at a fall risk, even though we repeatedly ask him not to do this. I feel like I'm in constant crisis mode because if I don't do something immediately that's bothering him, he will try to "help" me by doing it himself. I cannot get him to bathe more than once a week & he refuses to change his underwear daily even though he has plenty of pairs. My husband is in the process of remodeling his dad's house, so he doesn't get home until later afternoon or evening each day. I also have 2 kids, ages 9 & 6. I snap at everyone & get angry easily. I could really use some advice, tips from others who have been there, done that on how to keep my sanity. Thank you!!!!

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Valium.
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Tell your husband you need help to care for his father. Are there other relatives who can help? There may be agencies in your county that provide volunteers for the elderly. Look into that.

Is your husband remodeling his dad's home to sell it? I ask because it really doesn't seem feasible for him to move back in, given his father's dementia and health needs. You may want to consider assisted living in your area.

I pray you find the help you need. Be true to yourself and recognize your limitations as you are already snapping. If we don't confront our resentment, it comes out sideways. This is never pretty and hurts those around us, let alone ourselves.

May God give you His grace for your journey.
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you dont always keep your cool. your human. reasoning with a stump is one thing, an argumentive stump on pcp , quite another.
and valium is nice. ( for the carer ) .
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It could help to reduce/eliminate caffeinated beverages, if you drink any, as caffeine is a nervous system stimulant. I, myself, have tried unsuccessfully to stop drinking coffee, etc., but now I am trying to cut back. I do not recommend taking valium, as getting off of valium, will be another major problem. In addition, going to bed at the same time every night, and waking up at the same time every morning can help. I think also it can help to take a day at a time.
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For ME, not her. ;)
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I, too, like my coffee every morning and I agree about regular bedtimes. Seems that the only time I can get my housework done is when everyone else is asleep! Thanks for taking the time to respond.
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That money Dad saved up should go to AL. It will make everyone's life easier. Isn't that one of reasons for saving for years? Which would you rather have--a life for yourself and family now or some type of inheritance later with no family life?
Spend the money! Getting Dad to agree will be the hard part. We had to put my husband's mother in AL because of ALZ. We are blessed that she and her husband saved and saved. We are all better off because of their savings. None of us care whether we inherit a dime, even though it looks like there will be leftovers.
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I wouldn't mind getting a prescription for some valium, but I'm trying to care give without medical "enhancements," although your recommendation does have its merits. :)
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I think you could benefit from learning/doing breathing exercises to take the edge off your anger. I've come a long way towards dealing with the frustrations of caregiving by implementing additional self-care stuff like getting better nutrition, exercise, and sleep. But breathing exercises are super simple and super effective for on-the-spot stress soother. Good luck, sweetie.
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"...edge off your anger."

I should have said "frustration" there... its not like we have tempers or need anger management classes, lol! So yeah, frustration, and not knowing how to deal with these things...
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