Saturday my sister-in-law left a phone message saying her mother was upset and crying (and could we go visit her). They had spoken on the phone and my sil corrected my mother-in-law's confusion about a family member coming to visit her that day. The family member had visited the previous weekend. My sil said in her phone message that she "had to burst her bubble", telling her mother the relative wasn't coming to visit. My mother-in-law was disappointed that she wouldn't have the expected visitors and upset about her confusion. Without correction she would have been disappointed when her expected guests didn't arrive or she may have eventually forgotten she expected visitors. Wouldn't it have been kinder to not correct? Any suggestions on resources on communicating with mildly confused elders?
This I've learned (painfully) from the past 3 years of caring for my 93 and 95 year old parents, both of whom have dementia. Like any relationship with loved ones, you need to pick your battles, and the one you described above sounds like it escalated way out of control.
Dealing with even mildly confused folks takes a great deal of self control; before visiting or speaking with them, I have to take on a stoic mindset, in which I primarily just listen, and assure them that everything is fine - everyone is doing well. Do not give details, particularly negative ones. I NEVER correct or contradict - but repeat the mantra that everything is fine.
All of this takes practice, practice, practice, and occasionally I have slipped up,and gotten sucked into the craziness but it just re-enforces my will to do better next time.
Sounds like you are in the possibly early stages of this, and your MIL will NOT get better - only you and the people around her can make it better (tolerable) by your behaviors.
As for resources, I would strongly suggest doing Internet searches on this issue. There is lots of info that you can adapt to your situation.
Good luck to you!
It is always a fine line we walk...I also found that keeping a daily log book of visitors and appointments would help keep my client in the here and now. Even with that, you may find an argument...sometimes you can't win!
When my sister found Mom up and dressed at 4 am, waiting to come to my house, she said, "I'm sorry we must of gotten our signals crossed when we talked about this last night. We are defineitely going today, but not for another 3 hours. Would you like to lie down on the couch here, or go back to bed for a few hours?"
The issue here is not just an answer to you, but somehow educating the rest of the family. The article lschuster827 suggests is a good starting place. There are lots of posts on here discussing the issue of "lying" or "creative fibbing" or "validation" as a kindness for dementia patients. You need to be respectful of your sister's good intentions and somehow share with her the insights you already have.
Good luck!
Try to get everyone on the same page. It's about reassuring your mil to ease her anxiety or confusion, and the others should adapt.
Some acquaintances never believe the stories related. I have gotten a lot of funny looks and head-nodding.
A few things my Mother told me before she stopped talking last year I will never know the truth of. Oh well, we each have our own stories:) xo