Does anyone know the early signs of dementia in elderly women?

Early on, at age 75, mom was forgetful. At 85 she became anxious and showed mood swings. She stopped paying bills she did not like, such as doctors and dentists and taxes. She would call late at night because she "heard something beeping". She would dial wrong numbers on the phone.
All four corners of her car had unexplained scratches. Look for the little things, like no longer getting books or magazines (loss of reading comprehension). Unpaid bills (monitor her banking). Rotten food in the fridge. Pans that have scorch marks on the bottom. Appliances that "don't work". Forgotten appointments. Buying things that she already has.

Pam mentioned many of the signs, though I think that these hold true for men and women, equally. The differences may come in what they did for a living or what their life was like before dementia.

If a bookkeeper can no longer balance a checkbook, there's likely a problem. If someone who was a good driver starts scraping up the car, there's likely a problem. However, if an "absent minded professor" type of person (male or female) forgets some food in the fridge, you need to ask yourself if this is their "normal" behavior or is it new behavior. New behaviors seems to be a clue to most all types of dementia.
Please keep in touch when you are up to it,
Carol

In hindsight, I would say the first signs of my mother's dementia - started when she was around 85, caring for my father - were increased anxiety y about everything, but especially anxiety and difficult with her checkbook, appointment book/calendar and anything that had to do with numbers. Perfect example - she was a professor, wrote well and had always helped others with their writing. Around 87, friend asked her to critique a manuscript. She gave helpful, cogent suggestions, well-written, clear, logical. But when the manuscript fell to the floor, and the numbered pages got mixed up, she could not, to her extreme frustration and, I see now, fear, put them back in order.
I would guess, as Carol said above, that the signs of dementia, especially early, are not that different for men and women. But I have read a lot, as my mother's dementia has progressed (she's now 91 and in a memory impairment facility) that trouble with checkbooks and appointments are classic early signs.
Best wishes and good luck - it's a rough road.

Putting the wrong check in the envelope. Start cooking canned green beans before even peeling potatoes to make mashed potatoes. Having multiple bags of 5 pound sugar when she uses a substitute sweetener and no longer bakes. Not laundering undergarments because her reasoning was she does not sweat. So being scatter-brained, having timing issues and judgement were the actual above onset issues I neglected to see at the time. In hindsight it was all too clear.

For my mil I'd say anxiety, personality changes including such things as swearing and loosing her temper. No understanding of time,distance, or value. Then it worsened into accusing us of turning on her, her husband cheating on her, the mail lady stealing her mail, people breaking into her house and stealing her things. Now tells us that there is a woman with dark hair that lives in their house with them and blames her or everything. She sees her having sex with her husband. ( no such lady exists)

With my cousin, I saw things that I didn't understand. Even some home healthcare workers did not pick up on it, but later it became clear and since then I read that her odd quirks were the early stages of dementia. They included:

Repeating a lot.

Lying or telling stories of things that did not happen. I'm not sure if she knew the difference in reality and fantasy.

Using poor judgment, like refusing to use her cane, even though a fall risk and doctor had ordered it.

Refusing to bathe or wear clean clothes.

Believing that food in the fridge never spoils.

Losing appetite and eating only snacks.

Doing odd things like throwing her banana peels in the front yard for no reason.

Obsessing about odd things. She was obsessed that her cat could escape from the house through a hole the size of a pea.

Irrational fear of her cat escaping from the house.

Very disagreeable, picks fights for no reason and then apologizes.

Complains that the roads have changed and that they confuse her.

Neglects health.

Frequent falls.

Sometimes, odd behavior becomes before memory loss. My cousin was able to pay bills and run her own household up to a certain point. Then it all went downhill.

I would say "the last ditch effort" for dementia is when the elder doesn't realize she/he can no longer run a household any longer and THEY DON'T ASK FOR HELP!!!!!! THIS WAS MY LATE MOTHER'S CASE-NEVER ONCE SPOKE UP ABOUT IT AND I HAD TO LEAVE MY MARYLAND HOME AND MOVE IN WITH HER WHERE SHE WAS LIVING SOLO IN HER MASSACHUSETTS HOME. Very hard!

Lost of olfactory sense...waiting too long to get to the bathroom to defecate and then going on the floor or the shower seat! Super gross!

For being a pretty smart girl I was incredibly stupid when it came to recognizing my mother was showing signs of dementia. I didn't understand what dementia really was - kinda thought it was a generic catch-all word for describing "normal" age related decline. It didn't help that my mother had always been an incredibly stubborn, difficult person - very eccentric all my life. Signs? My mother had been extremely frugal her whole life but started writing up to 40 checks a month to charity requests that came in the mail. Refusing to shower. Wearing clothes that clearly needed laundering. Buying boxes and boxes of baking ingredients when she no longer baked. Becoming obsessed with her calendar and appointments. Blaming everyone else for everything else and/or making up convoluted stories about mistakes that she had made. I still hadn't caught on when I discovered she was flushing her medications or calling me in the middle of the night to ask whether it was 4:00 am or pm! Looking back I feel like such a moron - if I have any defense at all its that mom could "showtime" like nobody's business and I actually identified her problem before her doctors, her part time caregiver and way before my siblings.

Denial is another big thing. They often seems frustrated with remembering something and when you offer help, it's going to be a big argument.

Carefor16: Totally agree. They're going to say they don't need help.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am looking for more positive attitude towards question. And again thanks for your informative answers. I read everyone's answer and they are awesome.....

Causes - I don't understand your comment "looking for more positive answers". When describing the onset of dementia I personally can't find anything that would classify as a positive but perhaps I am not understanding what you mean. Could you explain and perhaps we could be more helpful?

Some of the stuff here sounds very familiar, and I agree that dementia signs are really not all that different between men and women. Both of the people I knew were actually men. I strongly agree with the stubbornness thing, and definitely not showering. One of those two people always wore dirty clothes whereas the other one always insisting on having his clothes washed because he had in-home healthcare always coming in whereas the other one didn't. What was so hard in that particular case is that particular man had no surviving family. He lost his wife to cancer and his daughter to half heart function. I was the closest to the family he had, and he actually treated me just like a daughter, which is why he was a better dad to me than my bio dad ever was. I was inexperienced with dementia, and he was the first person I ever knew who developed dementia. Therefore, knowing how to spot it and deal with it was definitely not something I knew how to do. Being on fixed income really put a damper on things when the house was falling down around him and he would not move to a better place. I could bring in food from our joint account, and I couldn't even save up enough money and land him an apartment, but getting him out of the old one was going to take manpower and resources I just didn't have. I could have gotten the slumlord in some serious trouble for taking advantage of my surrogate dad, and I eventually reported the incident when I finally found the right people to speak to. One thing to remember is that the APS may not necessarily step in in a timely manner. One thing they eventually opened up about an admitted is that as long as the patient can still make decisions, there was nothing they could do despite other things going on. Another thing they admitted to is that they couldn't go on not enough information despite how much I already gave them. Much to my surprise though, I didn't know there were actually two other people who eventually spoke up about the same person before they actually stepped in. When dad was finally moved to a better place, I finally had everything I needed but lacked before. When you have to make a report to the APS, always give them absolutely every detail you have because this will help them piece together everything that's going on. APS may very well act when you least expect it and not when it really needs to happen. This was my experience, but when it finally came at a very long last, it was a huge relief since I was really in no proper position to be able to help him along the way when he was finally put into assisted living and then unexpectedly into a nursing home. I don't know why they gave him an assisted living apartment only to take it away from him right after moving him in, this is something that really puzzled me. Another friend of mine said they actually did it for the money he had, you could bet on it. It was actually a very good thing that I listened to my gut and never put anything into the joint account, but at the time I didn't know why I shouldn't put anything into the account. I didn't think much of it at the time since I already had my own account elsewhere, but having access to a little bit of extra money each month really did help at the end of each month. Before dad became demented. I didn't think much of it at the time since I already had my own account elsewhere, but having access to a little bit of extra money each month really did help at the end of each month. Before dad became demented, taking care of me was something he was actually devoted to, especially when he eventually found out I was struggling financially. This is when his protective paternal instinct kicked in and he started helping me to stretch my money further and even buying stuff for me here and there. Whatever dad bought saved me some money because that could be crossed off of my regular grocery list. It was sad to see dad eventually develop dementia even though I didn't know how to spot it or recognize it. It was sad knowing someone would eventually come along and not only take guardianship of him, but they would also break off the relationship at a time he most needed me. That guardian happened to be the prosecuting attorney's daughter who also happens to be a lawyer, which means I could never fight her and win. The person who told me they most likely talk over dad for his money was probably right since dad had far more money then I'd ever did. Had I known this was coming, I probably wouldn't have been so helpful in providing information to the person who eventually became his guardian, but I clearly didn't know since I never really dealt with this kind of thing before. Be very wary if you lack the money, knowledge and experience with the demented because what happened in my case can actually happen to any of you who happens to be unfortunate enough to me fit into this category of having your love one ripped away from you by someone you're actually supposed to trust

Hi alextapia,

You mention difficulty managing one's own checkbook. I don't know whether or not you're still dealing with your loved one, but setting up automatic online bill pay is definitely a godsend! All you have to do once you set it up (from your end) is let the bank do the rest. This is a free service they offer, and from experience I can say there are no checkbooks to balance. In fact, I no longer use checks or checkbooks. Everything is online now and all I have to do is pull up the history since the bank keeps all of those records for me. You might look into this as a solution to your own problem and even set it up for yourself and anyone else you may be caring for. Again, setting up online bill pay from your end is actually a godsend, it really make your life much easier! The only thing you have to watch for is anyone down the road that you may deal with for the first time who wants access to your bank account such as a TV service. This is where are you must put your foot down and declare that you don't give anyone access to your bank account (no matter what they say, don't trust anyone to come in and withdraw the payment for you). The only one here should be trusting is the bank with whom you set up automatic bill pay (from your end). If anyone else outside of your bank demands access to your bank account for regular payment of services, hang up if they don't respect your wishes, Especially if they get push the issue. If they "can't" give you a copy of the bill, that's a big red flag and you should not deal with them, and they should be reported to the local BBB in that area as well as the Attorney General and even the Federal Trade Commission. Too many customers are ripped off after unknowingly and blindly giving a business access to their bank accounts, only to be double dipped at payment time. Companies get greedy, and many of them will come up with any excuse in the book to justify their behavior of ripping off their customers and if the customer doesn't get resource full and fight back, the thieves get away with it. Never ever ever give anyone access to your bank account if you really want to protect your finances. You can set up online bill pay, but don't even have anyone else on your bank account. You never know that even someone in your own household can succumb to temptatian and start stealing from you. It may not have happened before to some people, but there's always a first time such as nightmare stories you hear of spouses suddenly cleaning out the joint account and skipping town without a trace. This is why I would never put anyone on my own bank account, because I never know when something like this may happen to me, especially when you already have automatic bill pay set up and you are always pay your bills in full on time. When you're a good standing customer with your bills, you never want to trust your bank account to anyone but your bank, especially when you have online bill pay set up to pay your bills for you.

There is nothing positive about dementia!

The first sign I notices in several Alzheimer's people not just my parents is loss of smell, as a result they will eat spoiled food and have stomach and bowel problems, also my become socially withdrawn, and aggressive toward the child or friend to love the most. They will hid or loose things and blame the caregiver.