My grandmother has some limited mobility, ever since she had a stroke the right side of her body doesn't have much strenght and can't use her right arm and her right leg cannot support her weight, meaning if she falls down she can't get up on her own. My mother brought her to live with us about a year ago and we have had to work or schedules around her so there's always someone looking after her.
My mother and brother have to gou out to work but I work from home so I'm the one who usually takes care of her when they're gone, I'm not exactly a very social person so I don't have many activities outside of the house except for the few ocassions that I do have to go to the office, and those times my mother or my brother are around to stay with my grandmother.
The thing is I've been through therapy myself for depression (long story I won't share right now) and now I'm at the point where I'm supposed to add more activities to my day to day life in order to get better and I was planning to take some classes, but this time around nobody can stay with my grandmother for at least one hour, which is the time it would take me to go back home from school and the time my brother is working and my mother has to leave for work.
Now, we tried to get some extra help with hiring another caretaker to stay with my grandmother the days I have to leave for class, but my grandmother is adamant in that she doesn't want an stranger in the house and I really don't to make her uncomfortable, now a solution she proposes is that the hour it would take to make the journey home she can spend it alone, since at that time of the day (the afternoon) she usually is lying down in bed watching tv after she already had her meal and taken her medicines. She can get up and go to the bathroom on her own, but like I said she has difficulties with her movility and she could fall down on the trip to the bathroom and wouldn't be able to get up on her own, also she's still dealing with the after effects of aphasia and she wouldn't be able to use the phone if she had to and is not strong enough to open the front door.
All that being said, it's only for an hour, it's not entirely like that something will happen in an hour, but something could happen in an hour and she has had accidents when there's people with her so I feel that maybe this is a good idea. I would really appreciate some advice.
Does Grandmother have funds to pay your mother or you or your brother to be her Caregiver? Oh, it is very common for elders to refuse to have a stranger in the house, but does it mean for the next 5-10-15 years only you, your brother and mother can be her Caregivers?
I assume your Mom needs to keep working to put a roof over everyone's head. What if you need to start working outside of the house? What if you and your brother become independent and leave? Who will take care of Grandmother if she doesn't want strangers in the house?
If that is not possible, you might try a LIFELINE ALERT system that sends an alarm to 911 if the person falls down. It's for people who may not be strong enough to verbally ask for help. There is some fee for this.
I would look to whether she is strong enough to get out of the house if there was a fire. If that's not likely, then I wouldn't leave her alone, even with the LIFELINE ALERT alarm.
I hope things work out for you. I applaud your efforts with therapy. Many people give it lip service, but few really engage with it and follow through. It's nice to hear you are growing.
It sounds like your grandmother is still pretty sharp mentally, so there is no reason to expect that she would get herself into trouble if left alone for an hour, and if she has access to a cordless phone or panic button she could call for help if she needs it.
A person with your GM's limitations, who cannot even talk on the phone in case of emergency, should not be left alone for an hour. Sorry.
But you absolutely need to get on with your life and your therapy. I see two choices:
1. Enroll GM in an Adult Day Health Care program for the same days you go to school. This could be awesome for her as well as respite for your.
2. Bring in outside help help for when you need to be gone. I understand that she does not want outsiders to come in. As my mother always told us, you don't always get what you want in life. This may be one of those things she has to accept in order to continue to live at home with her family around her.
I would also tend to think that her insistence she can live alone is an automatic reaction, or one from someone who mistakenly believes she can be left alone. I'd ignore it and find someone to stay with her, offering as an excuse something to the effect that you want her to have some companionship.
Because if she is, you can't leave her alone. It doesn't matter how many aides and precautions you instal, if she's cognitively impaired she won't use them and she'll set off for the bathroom come what may. And you'll get back to find her on the floor, bleeding.
Although I should say, she can't be left alone rather than you can't leave her alone. My mother was anti strangers in the house too, but we were lucky enough to get the lovely Liz, who sat quietly in a corner and read a book and made the occasional cup of tea and petted the cat for a whole year; and when my mother went to the bathroom and tried to shoo Liz off, Liz would just casually say she was going that way anyway and don't mind her. She was a caregiving genius, that girl.
Anyway. So find the right person with the right non-intrusive attitude and everyone will have peace of mind. Best of luck, and with your classes too.
Period.
You know her best so should be able to judge what she might do if left on her own. Perhaps you could give it a trial by hovering nearby and observing what happens when she thinks she is alone?
My mom figured it out years ago when she wasn't too bad and I used it for a back up measure just in case when I would run out to pick up her rx's etc...then she figured out the "cute guys showed up" and would press it all the time.....so they started calling me...did your mom fall? NO she is right here next to me watching TV....lol....but if she is capable they work. Do you have a neighbor or friend she knows that could fill in for you?
Good Luck!
As for my classes I'll have to find a different schedule, hopefully I'll manage, in the meantime I have made my mother and grandmother aware that I won't always be around to help and that other options must be taken.
Once again I thank you all for your advice, it really helps to be able to share this with other people.