They bought my parents house for mkt value and didn't discuss this with me...never even knew how much they paid for it! Sister n BIL are using that $ (they put into a joint family acct.) to renovate the house so that they can rent it out and eventually sell the house? Rental $ might (?) go back into my parent expenses....never told about this.
I have DPOA of mom...sister has DPOA for dad. I recently received letter from bank (mother n my acct CD) asking about rolling it over. I wasn't even aware that I had a joint acct with mom. Sister said she needed to access the act to find out about tax issues (?). She then took mom (98..dementia) to bank and had mom sign the $ over into the acct. (acct is in dad, mom, sister and me). I have limited access to cover groceries and misc necessities for parents. Sister pays all parents bills from it. My questions are:
shouldn't sister n her husband use their own $ to fix the house. When I asked her, her reply was "do you want to pay for them'? My sister n BIL have $ and are "fixing up their house at the Cape so that they can bring my parents to live with them. I have just a sm teachers pension and I don't have experience in dealing with elder law. My BIL has experience in handling his parents death and estates and is also a smart in math and "bully-ish"... I have no clue about any of the things legally that need to be done. I also need to have a will and figure out what I need to do for myself. I will be turning 66 on dec 31. I have a house that I and my oldest son own. He is living in and paying for it with his fiancé. I could not afford to live in the house with my pension. I moved into an apt in New Haven so I could be closer to my parents to help them out 24/7...and I can barely afford it. My life has been seriously compromised both physically and mentally. I really haven't been able to afford a lawyer, but I don't know what to do. I need help and direction in trying to survive this chapter of my life. I appreciate any info or help available.
Did you personally have an interest in the house? Were the repairs needed? Is your mother perhaps going to need to apply for Medicaid in the future? What they are doing sounds legal, but depending on the circumstances may not be very wise. I hope someone with more knowledge will have a better answer for you.
Perhaps you should resign poa for you mom and allow sister to take over? Maintain your healthcare proxy so that you can be involved in medical decisions. If sis and bil are planning on moving them to the cape to care for them, I would cut my financial losses right now...not because they are doing anything illegal. Just because in practicality, when parents become frail, they need to be moved close to a primary source of emergency help.
You're obviously an intelligent woman - go to the library and ask for help with a basic understanding about estates, etc. And start reading the threads on here. I agree that your sister and her husband may have decided to work around you, since you are "clueless" by your own admission. Change that!
I have a brother who isn't involved, so I handled my dad's estate and am now the POA for mom. I had no prior experience and had to learn what needed to be done. I've seen one attorney in that time for one meeting (about my mom, after my dad died). It's not rocket science. As you said, you also need to get your own will and POAs set up for healthcare and property. I'm 64 and have those set up and have for several years - that was an attorney visit for me. Now is the time to take control of your life and get these things put in place (and understood). You'll feel much better, I guarantee it!