My mother's expensive, uninsured ring disappeared from her hand while she was asleep in her assisted living home. Do we have legal recourse if something is seems stolen?

Did you talk to the asst living place? Ask some questions as to who was working that night and would've been in your mom's room? I'd start there. But I have to tell ya after a year of my mother-in-law thinking people are stealing from her where she lives (also asst living) I've grown a little skeptical. My husband (her son) found her teeth in her purse wrapped in a kleenex recently after searching high and low for them in her room. She was sure they had been stolen. Ah come on... really?

Jackalee, I don't know if you have any recourse, but I hope there will be a lot of people who read your post. A dear friend of mine ended up in a nursing home. This was supposed to be a highly rated facility, but all too often things went missing. Good sweatsuits, shirts.... There was no way he could have misplaced them, because he had had a stroke and couldn't move on his own. Everyone, please be careful with the belongings you send with your loved ones.

Jackalee: Please talk to the administrator at the ALF and review the 'contract' or similar document regarding the facilities responsibility for 'personal effects'. I think you are going to find that they are NOT responsible for personal effects and in many cases ANYTHING that is not provided by their facility.

That (unfortunately) being said there is a HUGE lesson for all to learn. DO NOT LEAVE EXPENSIVE items with your loved one (even IF it is insured). If they cannot LIVE without 'an item' get an inexpensive replica of the ring, necklace, clock, etc.

I spent MANY MANY hours in the Alzheimer's unit when my mother was there, and saw how INNOCENTLY another resident would come into her room, and pick up an item thinking it was theirs! Or just to 'hold' it or wear it. Glasses, sweaters, shoes, even blouses and undies 'went missing' from my mothers AND other's rooms, and to be honest, it was not malicious intent by the residents and certainly a near impossiblity for the staff to keep track of where items belonged that were NOT labeled. WHEW... long sentence!

We labeled EVERYTHING Mom had there and inventoried her clothing, even PHOTOGRAPHED her closet to keep track of things.

With regards to jewelry, we did in fact replace the rings she cherished with rings that would not be a financial LOSS if they were lost!

Her dentures went missing and since Mom was unable to get around on her own, the facility did agree to pay for a replacement denture, BUT, and this is a BIG but, cautioned us that her new dentures should be 'engraved' with her name.

There may be some liability on their part, but I would not count on it. Have them check clothing, with laundry, and even with other residents, but I wouldn't count on finding it. I am so sorry.

Even if a list was taken of her jewelry it would only say color of stone and not the value the above suggestion of replacing the valueable jewelry with costume jewelry is a great idea.

My mom's SNF is the same way - if her name is not on it, they don't even apologize. We have had favorite food stolen probably by other residents, clothing disappears, sometimes to reappear later, elevating footrests were lost, expensive diabetic shoes gone (socks I could understand, and we replace those by the half dozen - but SHOES??? Who knew you had to put your name in your shoes?) and now her watch as she went from ER to room at the hospital. Some is disorganization and some is theft. (That nice ring was almost certainly stolen. There are people who think nothing of theiving from the most vulnerable who can't resist or report them. You already have all the correct advice on that.) ANY personal medical equipment - and every detachable part of any given piece of medical equipment has to be conspicuously labeled or the facility assumes it belong to them to do as they please with. It does not seem to be top priority for hurried, hassled PCAs to remember that it realy hurts for people to be deprived of things they need, or of some favorite item that may be one of the few things they even have left to call their own.

I keep an indelible marker in a certain spot in my mom's drawer to do or redo her name on anything that needs it - and believe it or not, on one occasion the MARKER was taken and not returned by someone! All her drawers are gone through and rearranged, maybe not every time I visit or even every week, but even labeling drawers and keeping a sign up that we do Mom's laundry does not work all the time. I'm told that's because some facility staff can't read.

I literally saw my mother's ring slip off her finger when she was ill because she had lost so much weight so I'd be careful thinking someone else took it. We also had plenty of times when my mother said jewelry items had been stolen from her by the cleaning ladies in the AL facility and we always found them hidden in very odd places by my mother and usually wrapped in kleenex.

I agree with the reponses above. Every thing of value even new clothing as been stolen from my mother. We have had the police involved etc. The people who work in these facilities are underpaid and little has been done in the way of backround checks. Just keep the pressure on the facility. It does help.

Probably theft but are you sure she didn't give it to someone? My mom is always giving things to my greedy sister, then claiming she has "no idea" what happened to them. When I've followed up with her assisted living, she's then admitted giving the items to sis.

my mother had her wedding ring on when she went into the first home, she was admitted to hospital with a fracture of the lower leg within 17 days, I noticed her ring was missing. When I questioned the home about it, they said she didn't have one on when she went into the home. I said yes she did because I did her nails on the morning of the day she went in, I thought at the time should I remove it but thought it wasn't mine to take... of course she couldn't tell me because of her dementia. The solicitor queried it but to no avail.

I am hopeful that each person that reads the (unfortunate) occurrences that happen in ALF's, rehab and nursing homes learns from others experiences and does differently with their loved ones.

I don't believe it is wrong to think that we can leave valuables with our loved ones and expect them to be there when we return to visit, but I don't believe it will always happen. Be careful what you leave with your loved ones and DOCUMENT any personal effects for your piece of mind, and have someone at the 'facility' aware of these items too. If they cannot assume liability (this will most like be the case) then DO NOT leave the items at the facility! This is a sad fact, but a true one.

If ONE person learns from our mistakes, then all is not in vain.

Be sure to report the missing ring immediately so the time frame can be narrowed down....if the ring was taken by a staff member the management can then narrow down the list of names of the staff working. Reporting it may not get justice for the replacement of the ring, however if this situation occurs (if it is theft it will) again the employee will eventuallly get caught and will be harshly dealt with...most importantly the employee will never be allowed to work with vulnerable or elderly people again. Theft at this level is uncomprehesible...however the suggestions above are great advice and come with a hard lesson learned...never leave your loved ones with unreplaceable items their are too many variables that can play a role in its disappearance. REMEMBER TO REPORT and I will pray that God will bring justice in this situation...if theft occured to expose and remove the individual involved.

You say that you filed a report with the local police? I assume that you filed a report/complaint with the facility also. Next step: Demand a video surveillance tape of the time frame in which the item went missing. Keep in mind that they'll deny everything, as always. Look again at your contract. If it says that they do not take resposibility for personal items, lost or stolen, then you have very little recourse.. last but not least, since you are claiming her as a dependent on your tax return, you can claim theft under the Casualty line on Schedule A. Good Luck.

Well a lesson learned by all.

My mom (90++ Lewy Body dementia) was forever being "robbed" while in IL.
Was it actually true???? Not likely.

Although we all know that staff will take stuff, the vast majority of the time the resident hides things, takes items from others or just flat looses it. My mom went into panic that a resident had stolen her wedding rings.....well they were in the carpet by her reading chair - they had just fallen off. She was unaware. My mom also took all the flashlights and removed the batteries and hid her "valuables" in them. Then she would go into a total panic that she was robbed. She gave stuff away and then would accuse the person of stealing from her. She had no idea what was "real" and what was "costume". One year we brought her Mardi Gras beads and throws and then weeks later she went on & on about someone stealing her new pearls that were worth hundreds of dollars. When I moved her from IL to LTC and cleared out her apt, I found a stash of jeweled hair accessories that obviously belonged to another resident and another stash of rosaries - none of these were hers. Luckily the weekly maid was there and we figured out probalby who was the owner. This is just a constant problem with the elderly.

Dementia patients are not grounded in reality, so we need to do whatever to make things easier for them. Don't wait for stuff to be MIA, have mom give heirlooms away before going to IL, AL or LTC. Make a list so she can "remember" who got what. If they are the kind that just need to put jewelry on every morning, go buy them inexpensive stuff so there are no worries.

Also label everything - I use nail polish in a bright color to mark anything of hers with a hard surface.

I can tell from the responses that alot of you are upset that the police don't do more. You have to look at it from their viewpoint....ELDERLY = DEMENTIA =
UNRELIABLE = QUESTIONABLE VALUE.

My mom was big on calling the police when she was in IL both 911 and 211 calls. After she called the police for the 3rd time to file a report and told them they needed to arrest a specific resident, I got a call from police community relations on how they would handle her calls from that point on. If they responded then we would be charged for a false call - much like the fire department does for bad fire alarm systems OR we as DPOA could sign off for a non-response. We did the latter. When she moved to LTC she did NOT get a phone either. So no more problems on this front, thank goodness.

IGLOO: I woud not deny the veracity of Jackalee's letter. Either the ring is missing or it's not. Just because your experience with your 90++ year old mother led to numerous false calls, doesn't mean that the matter is similar to hers..

NIK2R3: seems like Igloo was just relaying HER experience. In my humble opinion.

LEE:

If she's still at that facility, take longs walk around every time you visit to see if someone's wearing it (staff included). The thief might be stupid enough to flaunt it. Don't make a scene and confront the individual, as s/he might give it to someone else to hide it; and then it'll disappear altogether. Just bring a staff member to the individual and ask if the ring is part of that person's inventory. If it isn't, you're in luck.

OK , Mia.

Very good idea. My mother was missing some things which were found in another resident's closet. The staff was aware that this woman "borrowed" things and forgot to return them. They searched her apartment.

Some one cut the stone off my grandmother ring. No question it wasn't an accident but the nursing home management blamed it on an outsider. It couldn't really be proved otherwise.

Some people are just horrible people who will victimize those less fortunate. I would like to think they get it back some day.

I think what hurts so much when these things happen is the emotions of knowing your loved one can't defend themselves and then worrying about someone who cares so little or sees them as not even there maybe feeling free to hurt them in other ways too. NH story of "some outside person" is actually a really lame one - no one should be allowed to just brarge in and do things to patients! Make a police report and don't let them brush it off like it does not matter; granted they probalby have a policy that says they are not responsible for valuables, but they can at least cooperate and see if there is anything else they can do.

For 2 weeks when my mother first went into the nursing home, her clothes kept disappearing. One culprit was her roomate who has Alzheimer's. The lady was taking my mother's clothing and layering 4 and 5 items of clothing every day. The nursing assistants would just tell her she couldn't do that, but it never stopped happening. I bought my mother new clothes daily for that 2 week period. It only stopped when she was reassigned to another room. I agree that labeling clothes is a must. I don't put anything expensive or even anything at all in my mother's room other than photos. Even a framed photo was taken and the frame left behind. It's very annoying. My mother's room is not decorated because everything I took for her was taken, including a teddy bear, a little heart accessory and flowers.

We did call the police when some very expensive items were missing from my mother's assistant living apartment. One item was found in another resident's apartment. This put the administration on alert that we were not going to stand by and just let this type of thing happen. Unfortunately the other items were never found but the stealing did stop. I have felt the staff was involved in taking some things including new clothing...so with the tags still attached.

My mother lives in a memory care facility for people with Alzheimers/ dementia. There is a resident there who goes from room to room taking residents personal belongings and then hides those items in various places around the building. Some items get recovered, but other are NEVER to be found again. At first the items being taken were small things such as toothbrush, toothpaste, soap and chopsticks. This was annoying but now items such as her jewelry ( although costume jewelry ) and perfume, and now a photo album is missing too. We have spoken to the facility and they are more than aware of the problem since I am in there complaining every day. They say that they are having all of the staff keep a more watchful eye on him......but he still is continuing with his clepto ways. I am BEYOND aggravated, annoyed and upset to go and seamy Mom and EVERY day find more and more items missing. The facility has suggested putting a lock on her door as a solution, but I'm not thinking this will be an appropriate solution since it will probably cause more of a problem for my Mom since she won't be able to maneuver this task and probably be upset when she cannot gain entrance to her own room without assistance from a staff member. Don't get me wrong.....I think this is a wonderful facility with great employees who truley do care. I actually moved my mother from Massachusetts to Illinois to be at this facility I was so impressed with. I guess some people might say the obvious choice would be to move her to another facility, but it would be unfair to my Mom after the transition she has had to make and now that she is ar ease and adjusted to her residece. My question is........what are my legal rights and what should I do next ??
REALLY, REALLY FED UP

First thing you do is call the police to create a record.....doesn't matter if you are inside the N.H. or not. Call the police. sign the report and then contact your own insurance company. They will investigate..
If the ring is not returned, you must file a claim with your insurance co. and the N.H. (both).

well on feb 11,2012 i put my mom in respete care and i called everyday to see how she was doing as i didn't want her to be mad for me putting her in their for 5 days so i could rest. any way on feb 11,2012 she left with her rings and when i called on wed they told me she was breathing not good so i rush over to see my mom and she is really out of it a sleeping i picked up her hand and her wedding rings were gone, i paniced and told the rn's on duty they said they didn't know any thing about them missing, the strange part as the day i took her in i told the rn' about the rings she had on and she wrote them down. now how on earth can someone take rings from a dying person. very hurt aqnd i will not even put myself in hospice as they are not compasionate and fake,so what should i do?

I am sorry for this upsetting loss, I haven't read all the post just yet because I lose my focus on the original question. I would look at the admittance papers to see who is responsible for missing items. I learned not to let my Mom have anything worth any amount of $$$. It may be a coincidence but all her things worth anything poof away never to be found... anything I give her, not worth a nickle miraculously are still there in NH. On the other hand her dentures went missing and knowing what NancyH posted "almost same scenario" the first time I found them 2nd time Mom told me "the kids took them" then 2 weeks went by and she had them again and told me her Father (he passed over 25 years now) found them and gave them back to her. Then a few months later gone again.. frustrating!!! I know someone in a NH and hearing aids were lost and they threatened to sue... boy they turned up fast. Unfortunately I learned the hard way anything you can't tie down you remove!!!! My Mother is also like a 2 year old she thinks if it is in my reach it's mine, I hate that she does that but If I see anything in her room or on her person that's not hers i try to find who it belongs to, so you may want to post a flyer in view for visitors and staff to see, but make sure you explain you will take action if it doesn't turn up because awareness of it missing, someone not so honest might look for the ring to steal it. I got another idea, My mom has hiding spots so if you maybe give her another fake ring and watch what she does with it " she might automatically lead you to the other one, but don't let her see that you are watching, you may be the one she's hiding it from... no offence, but as my Mom see's it I am the thief, LOL or the children "delusional children" or just ask her,, one day might be a clear one and you may get the answer. Sometimes my Mom is on target one day clueless the next. Or act like it is not missing, you don't want to find it, you just want to clean it for her she may without thinking about it pull it out of hiding spot.

I have a suggestion to add to my previous post. Being the daughter of STICKY fingered Mom, I'm embarrassed but I know it's really not her fault, sorry to say. The NH moved her into a different room and wondered why she was sleeping in the old room and called me to tell me. When I got there I saw her name on the old room My Mom knows where her room is, because, her name is on the doorway, she knows the bathroom because it has a sign. "She's got DEMENTIA" she can't remember where her room is!!! BUT SHE CAN READ!!!! So to minimize Moms Sticky fingers I suggested to the social worker, if all the residents closets, drawers, shelves, etc., were all name tagged boldly, she would be less likely to go into another persons private areas and personal things. .She now see's the sign and say's oh that's not my closet it's JANE'S cause it say's Jane's closet, see and looks for her name on her closet instead!!! When you are lost on the road without a GPS or a map what do you do? Read signs right. Most of us forget the basics. You may not be able to watch everything all the time but remember what is really important.... material belongings or your stress level. I learned the hard way after missing items of Mom's too, and only GOD knows where the stuff went. I learned from that and don't give her anything of importance that is not replaceable. LisaSmith I hope you recovered the ring, or had resolved this somehow but if nothing else you may have saved a lot of other people from a loss like this by posting this question.
We should all spread the word to other residence families and NH or Assisted living staff to warn them about this problem upon admittance!!!!

My mother broke her hip went into rehab, when she returned to ALF all her things were gone I mean everything, even the photo of my mother & dad when they were 20years old. I asked the owner they said they would check it out. They also told me the person that put them away was out of the country.She returned 2 weeks ago I asked her myself she didn't seem to know. Everything has been missing for 10 weeks. The owner acts like no big deal. If I were the guardian of my mother she would be out of that place.

I am having a horrible time with the nursing home my Dad is in........but Mom is not helping ....she had a fight with my husband over 3 yrs ago and to get back at him accused me with id theft, etc, which i had to take a plea to although i did nothng but did not have 9000 for a one day trial......so she has told all this to the nursing home administrator and even though i was not convicted but adj withheld, she keeps telling everyone i am a convicted felon - myself and my husband are dads only constant visitors and have now purchased him a total of 8 blankets just in this last year .....he also is a stroke victime so he can't move either..........within the last 3 wks, 3 blankets went "missing" , then his distance eyeglasses went "missing" - these were prescription glasses and it is not like he can go have an eye exam.....Mom has also taken away two pairs of his VA issued hearing aids and the ombudsman of Florida is a joke.........i guess if you can smile and say you want to help, your six yr old could be one........my mother, ombudsman and administrator decided Dad did not need his hearing aides because they caused wax and also because he kept throwing them around the room (a physical impossiblilty) - we had to get permission for a 39 inch tv and he needed his distance glasses (that he used to drive with ) just to see that.........so I bought him another blanket on Sunday.......we went to see him today Thanksgiving and I could not believe it was gone..............that is now over 120.00 worth of blankets..........i just bought him another today for 20.00 - we have everything labeled..........in fact, i was peeved on Sunday I wrote his name all across the blanket........and they are not going to tell me a navy blue blanket got dirty between Sunday and Thursday - the dirty light green one they left on him.............are you all telling me that they are not liable for this........I too was going to report it to police as theft as I know someone who used to work in the laundry room of a nursing home and she said the aides took a lot of the stuff............but perscriptin glasses........?? I am leaving a note for the administrator that i will be keeping all recpts and want reimbursement.........i also purchased Dad for Vet Day an embroidered Navy blanket which also has his full long Polish name on it and says WWII Veteran.......i just one wk ago took that home to be dry cleaned and am afraid to bring it back.............if that goes missing that cost was about 150.00 due to all the embroidery but it just made him beam eye to eye.........he has unspecified dementia and between the family dysfunction and the nursing home neglect, it is quite discouraging..............i flipped when i did a a mini poll of the nurses and the aides and only 1 out of about 20 had ever even heard of the supposed ground breaking Obra legislation during Ronald Reagans presidency..........i believe we have to push to have it brought back in the lime light.............when i visit my Dad, we drive close to two hours.........he has a room mate that yells at the top of his lungs help, help and then curses...........if i did not have dementia, i surely would after a couple of days with him................should not this man be removed or sedated so that we can visit...........i cannot imagine what it must be like confined to a bed with someone next to you screaming at the top of his lungs...........when i left today i put a note in the comment book and highlighted it saying "are you kidding me" ?? 2 blankets missing and glasses and i bring a new one on Sunday and it is gne by Thursday.........................there has to be something that can be done..............what the heck is the inventory sheet for ?

I hate to say this, but there is a good possibility a relative took it from her "for safe keeping". At least that is the excuse they will give you for taking it. Beware the vultures within your own family.