Dad is still functioning somewhat, driving to krogers, fussing around with his plants and mowing grass, but the short term memory is going fast. Mom is having a hard time with it. We've talked at length about not correcting or arguing with him and she does very well most of the time.
But I haven't talked with her much about the horrible progression of dementia and what we will be dealing with as time marches on. Mom is 84, still is mentally sharp, has lots of medical issues and a history of depression.
Any thoughts, stories, suggestions?
It may be, you see, that she's thinking 'sufficient unto the time is the evil thereof' and quite literally doesn't want to know. If there are plans that need to be made and you're worried, though - like getting door alarms set up, or thinking about continence care - you can always talk about the specific thing that has to be arranged and let her draw her own conclusions if she wants to. The crucial thing is that she trusts you to support her, come what may.
If I were talking to you I'd have a lump in my throat. I do realise this is your Dad I'm casually consigning to memory care. I'm sorry he, and she, and you are all having to go through this, it's horrible.
And you are not casually consigning my Dad to care. It's coming soon and honestly I'll be relieved when he is in care and I'm not worried about him driving or using a chainsaw any longer. At that point it's what to do with mom. She will be devastated and unable to live alone. But one day at a time.......
Things that would've helped but my mom wasn't comfortable with were: hiring a housecleaning service, having someone come in to help Dad shower (he was tall and strong).
My parents are in denial. Mom still thinks Dad [93] can get out the ladder and fix the ceiling fan... yikes, I can't climb to that height anymore. Dad forgets that Mom [97] doesn't see/hear very well.
I hate being the bystander but there isn't anything I can do since it was their choice to continue to live in their single family home... poor planning for two very educated people. I patiently wait for my parents to finally ask that they need help. They will fight for their independence to live on their own until their last breath.
Linda22, my Mom refuses to have a cleaning service, and believe me my parents desperately need one. So I just grin and bear it, and overlook all the handprints on the appliances, door jams, and walls. And crumbs on the rug under the kitchen table, and heavy knows what are those spots on the rug. A few years back I even offered a gift of a service and my Mom felt so insulted... oops, won't do that again :(
But tonight, she mentioned how difficult it was to just have an adult conversation with him. I told her to talk about the old days like I do with him. She said, "I'm up to here with the old days! I was there Ya know!" Damn... She's right. His old stories are sometimes new and interesting to me when I'm there for a few days. But she's there 24/7 and she was there 24\7 years ago. We're good for now. We will see about tomorrow.
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