To make a long sotry short, mother/MIL was in an auto accident a few months back which was ruled not her fault as a car went thru a red light and hit into her totaling her car. She was bruised & banged up with a broken wrist but other than that ok. So fast forward to Friday she says to us that she wants us to take her looking for another car. We understand that the accident was not her fault but really at this age why would she want to continue driving. She sort of got mad/offended because we said oh well will talk about it later and she said no I want to go for another car and within the next few weeks. I am not even sure the her insurance company will insure her anymore because of her age and this accident even though it was not her fault but how do you tell someone who is so set in their ways and stubborn. Thanks for any input!!!
How I wish my parents could have kept on driving as I have been driving them for the past 5 years to doctor appointments, grocery stores, shopping, hair appointment, hardware stores, to the CPA, you name it, and I am so burnt out doing this, that I am at a point where I am really hating to drive. Don't get caught in this loop, it will drain you of all your free time.
So please allow your mother-in-law to keep being independent by letting her get a new car. Wish my parents would get something newer, the cruise ship they call a car is a nightmare to drive. I get seasick just backing the darn thing out of the garage.
So ... I suggest it put the decision in the hands of a testing facility. If there is a rehab organization in your area that does this (often to determine if modifications to the car are needed), use that. If not, maybe the DMV. But if she passes the test and the insurance will keep her, and she shows no cognitive problems, then let her drive. If she doesn't pass or her insurance won't continue, then it is out of your hands and you are not the one to blame.
My mother (before I moved to care for her) had been a dodgy driver for years, missing a line of parked cars by a hair's breadth and backing out over the lawn - all unbeknown to me 200 miles away. Once I lived with her she went everywhere with me in my van. One day she drove her car and I was a passenger. She blew through a red light and turned into our street on the wrong side of the road. I think it scared her as she gave up and the car was sold.
In Florida you can report an incompetent driver to the DMV, you can have the doctor do so, but it does not have to be a doctor. The have a process they follow, maybe they call you in for a test. I am not sure, I do know they do not just take away your privilege to drive,
Remember the AARP is a strong lobby in this state, laws to curtail elderly drivers have failed.
I succeeded in getting dad to not drive by becoming his Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon driver. I took him fun places so he did not feel trapped. That is not something everybody can do.
Every case is different, not all elderly drivers are a menace. Good luck,
Giving up ones independence as far as the driving is concerned is one of the most difficult things to do. Both of my parents had been forced to due to health problems, etc. And with my MIL, we had to get her primary care physician involved to stop her from driving as she had memory problems and was a danger to herself and others. This was no easy task and there was hell to pay for doing it; but it was the right thing to do.
I know many still driving well into their upper eighties in good health - this is a tough one and a very sensitive topic with the elderly. However, serious accidents are on the rise as well with the elderly and you might tell her of these as to stop driving would be a preventive measure and a very brave one for her.
Wishing you luck with this and a good outcome.
Angel #2