Letter to my brothers: Tell me what you think.
I have a draft of a letter that I want to send my two brothers who live for free in a house that Mom bought for the oldest. Please give me your opinions. We are already estranged so I am not worried about ruining any relationships. XXXXX and XXXX, I wanted to bring you up to speed on Mom and her health and fiancés. Mom has been experiencing a rapid physical and mental decline over the past several months. For quite a while, she has been able to "showtime" (google showtime&dementia) and she appears more together than she actually is. In reality, she often forgets how to pick up an eating utensil or how to move her feet when walking. I understand that transportation is an issue for each of you but a phone call costs nothing but time. Take the opportunity to enjoy your relationship with her while you still can. But, please be kind and try not to cause her worry. Please do not call her and regale her with a list of woes. Your trials and tribulations cause her unnecessary worry and that anxiety has a detrimental effect on her mental acuity. Speaking of woes...Mom is going to need higher level of caregiving and more hours than before. Up until now, I have been able to handle all of her expenses without digging into her savings. From here on out, I will have to move money from savings and investments to cover the increased costs. Dad provided well for Mom but he did so for the sole purpose of making sure that she had enough money to cover her needs. Even if she runs out of money, I will always make sure that Mom has a roof over her head but when she runs out of money for care and medical expenses, she will have to go on Medicaid. Medicad will require that she show that she did not give all of her money away to protect it. This not only includes gifts but also paying someone's bills. The look back period for Medicaid is 5 years. If Medicaid determines that money was given away, it must be paid back and spent on her care before Medicaid will pay for any medical services. In light of this, I need you to start coming up with a plan to pay your bills. In 2016, Mom paid utilities for the Baltimore house to the tune of $6847.99 which averages to $570.66 per month. This figure does NOT include gifts from her to you, car insurance (when she was paying it) vet bills or groceries. On May 1, 2017, I will take Mom's name off of the water and electric bills and thereby close the accounts. You need to have the bills put in your name prior to that time in order to avoid a disruption of service. You will probably need a checking account to open an account with the utility companies so please do not procrastinate in getting this done.
Just a thought, but I bet once your brother owns the house, he will sell it quickly to get the money to live on in some crummy apt, and when that is gone, you will hear from him, begging for help!
. Someone could sign over a falling down shack to me...doesn't mean I am responsible for it if it don't sign those papers to accept the transfer.
Infac, brother would probably figure out real fast it mean he has to pay everything himself.....then knowing that..refuse.
You could find another who would accept the property in that case...then they would evict him.
If that won't do, I'd call the local welfare/ssi/whatever office to make a report of suspected benefit fraud. There are a lot of us taxpayers out here who don't appreciate people using our taxes who don't have a darn good reason except laziness. Whatever money he is reporting as rent is obviously going for something else.
I doubt he is getting rent assistance because there is no lease and I would think he would have to show that. Also, I believe that HUD pays the landlord directly.
But, I do think you are on to something about not depositing the check because he has to keep his bank balance below a certain amount. I was just thinking he was too lazy to go to the bank and didn't need the money due to subsidies.
I asked her about what her intentions for the house were. She replied that It is Glenn's house and he gts it no matter what. I then asked her if she specified that in her will. She has either forgotten or is sticking to her lie. She said that it is not in her will (BS, I have seen the will and it is in there). So, I tell her about my plan to give it to him now so that he can take care of it himself. She got a bit panicky and said that the reason the house is still in her name is so that it does not count against him if he ever applies for benefits.
Well, I have no idea if it would count against him or not but if, at age 54, he has never applied for benefits before, what makes her think he will apply now?
Hmmm, unleeesss, he is already receiving benefits and owning a house would cause him to lose them.
So, here is where we stand. mom is adamant that he gets the house in the end. She thinks that it is better to keep it in her name so that he can remain eligible for government assistance.
Later that evening, Mom had a major poop incident that required 48 minutes in the bathroom, a whole package of adult wipes, a change of clothes and a floor/toilet clean-up. During this, Mom graciously offered to leave me her lace collection when she dies.
I laughed so hard my belly hurt. Glenn gets the house and I get three pounds of poop and some old lace.
I wish I could blame it all on dementia but the revised will predates the onset of dementia
I have a relative that I imagine in your brother's place. She's saying her inheritance is a pittance that is dwindling rapidly - she's the only person I know who would say that about a 2M trust fund. A real piece of work.
And with mthr being a hoarder, I sympathize with you. It's all about control.
My brother has never worked. OK, almost never. He did hold a job for less than a year in his 20's and he does get some money from playing in a band once in a while.
So, he claims disability and gets turned down in his 20's but they sent an investigator to spy on him and he was rejected because he was dancing and prancing around on stage.
He claims to be disabled by fibromyalgia. My argument has been that he should try for some sort of disability - it would have to be SSDI at this point. But it is easier for him to let my mother carry him than to actually apply for benefits.
But, he cried like a baby when I first cut off his grocery delivery... then silence. He cried that he needed money for house repairs...then nothing. Mom sent him a $200 check for Christmas and it took him weeks to cash it.
My husband's theory - and I am starting to buy into it - is that he DOES have some sort of income. Some sort of disability or government assistance.
When I didn't hear from him after sending the letter, I emailed him. His response was not the outcry I expected. Just a whimpering whine that "that was not a lot of notice for him to figure things out"
So my theory is that he does have some sort of funds coming in but would rather spend it on frivolous stuff than his bills. After all, Mom can pay his bills.
He has wasted the house. And what I mean by that is that he makes no repairs, does no upkeep and makes the place even worse through hoarding. His roof developed a leak several years ago and instead of doing anything about it, he waited until his ceiling caved in. Mom gave him money for the roof and ceiling repair. He didn't keep any paperwork so when the roof failed again, there was no warranty to fall back on.
I have a ton more examples. Anyway. With my limited Real Estate knowledge (hobby), I factored a house value of $15K a few years ago (comps and condition). Well, since then, his two neighbors have been flipped and I think they sold for about $250K
Anyway, none of this is relevant if he never sells but you are right that he would be better off inheriting the stepped up basis than he would getting it now but who cares. His problems, not mine.
Do check your POA and attorney about the ability to gift in the document first. If you are not allowed to gift (there has to be specific language), then you will need mom to make her mark on the transfer paperwork and have two unrelated witnesses sign too.
I think turning over the $30k depreciated asset to brother to get him out of your hair is a fantastic idea. Heh, heh. "We're doing this to avoid probate." Hahahaha. The joke will be on him when he tries to borrow on the property and is left with a tax lien and debt for more than it's worth. I like it!
I strongly believe that it is my job as a mother to prepare my kids for the world. I have failed if they do not know how to manage in life. My mother has failed her sons.
I do have DPOA for Mom and no, she no longer has access to ay checkbooks or credit cards. The last credit card was taken away after she gave the number to my brother so that he could pay his cat's vet bill.
Mom paid cash for the house ($30,000) in 2003 and it was purchased for the sole purpose of housing my brother. She has never lived there and I would be surprised if she has even visited it.
Mom has two other investment properties that do collect rent.
Between those rents and her Soc Sec and her and Dad's surviving spouse retirement, she will not qualify for Medicaid (unless we do a Millers Trust). It will take years for her to spend down at our current situation of her living with me and bringing in help. But, if she goes into a nursing home, that will change quickly.
I did redact the first part of the letter before sending it, leaving only the part about the finances. The lack of phone calls is for another day - or just left like it is.
Mom is very sad that they boys have pretty much abandoned her but she has made them who they are and it is up to her to live with that. The boys will throw themselves on her casket one day and wail about lost time and that it their problem.
With Medicaid most likely not being an issue, I have toyed with filing a quit claim deed giving the house to my brother. That would resolve not only the utilities but also the property taxes and his demands for repairs.
First, Mom enters a nursing home. She pays for it herself until she runs out of money...then applies for Medicaid. If there has been a transfer of assets in the last 5 years...then she (or the family) must continue to pay the nursing home out of pocket until the amount of money they have paid the nursing home is equal to the amount of money that was transferred. OR, Mom has to be somewhere else until the transfer is more than 5 years in the past. I guess that would be daughters home, since the "prince" doesn't sound like he is going to actually do hands on caregiving at his own expense. On wrinkle here...I understand that a lot of nursing homes will not take Medicaid at all....but among those that will, it is common for them to require 1-2 years of self pay first. So, if Mom has to leave the nursing home because her money ran out and she has no choice but to wait out the 5 year look back period....then when she tries to re-enter a nursing home, she isn't likely to get in because the requirement to be self pay for the first initial years. So..how in the world will the family come up with the kind of money it takes to pay a nursing home... I mean..$250-300 a day!
As for the home...if she isn't living there, Medicaid can force the sale to ensure the proceeds go to the care of Mom. The maintenance of th "home" in the case of a person in a nursing home is provided for the "community spouse". So that the spouse isn't left homeless...but the home is still "attached" for sale after the home is vacant of the husband/wife pair. Not the son. The exception...if the son has lived with the parent providing hands on caregiving for atleast the preceding 2 years continuously.
Fortunately - I think? - Mom2mom's income disqualifies her from applying for Medicaid so it isn't an issue. Yet.
But in any case it would be for the would-be claimant to retrieve the money/assets from the person he or she had given them to. Not Medicaid's job - or indeed their problem.
Do not think you can just transfer assets and Medicaid won't know or care.
Very good question! I think more of the daughters should let the mothers suffer the natural/logical consequences of their behavior.
Why is it that so many mothers ruin their sons by enabling them and giving them everything yet let their daughters shoulder life's burdens without help? I personally know 5 people who have turned out lazy, useless and selfish sons by favoring them in this way (and 3 of those men are related to our family in one way or another.) Its very sad.
Please take care of yourself because this kind of stress can make you sick.
It's like they say when someone says something to you and then says but, believe everything after the word but and forget the rest. From what you've said about them they'll only remember everything from the "speaking of woes" line onward.
You've probably already sent the letter anyhow, I just thought I'd share my opinion for what it's worth.
If after another period of time (depends in which state) another tax bill has accumulated (typically another 3-5years) another tax lien is auctioned off...with preference given to anyone already holding a tax lien. Typically the holder of 2 such liens can foreclose after an additional 12 months....the property itself is then auctioned off to pay the lien holder. Title is transferred free and clear of all encumberances.....meaning...this is a great way to grab a property with the mortgage stripped! Huge investment consortiums do nothing but dash about the country looking for these deals.......but...it is years of tax lien auctions first that lead up to this.