My parents and aunt/uncle have been caring for my grandmother for some time. Grandma is currently living with my aunt & uncle at their house. Grandma is incapable of properly caring for herself, she can no longer cook, clean, do laundry, manage her medication or diet properly (she is diabetic, has high blood pressure) and has mobility issues. She no longer drives and needs transportation for her doctor and physical therapy appointments. Until last week, my aunt was doing all of this. My grandma decided to get into an argument with my aunt, and now no longer wishes to live there. My parents cannot physically care for her, and so Grandma agreed to be placed in assisted living. We are currently searching for a facility, and working on increasing her income so the facility can be paid for... we discussed the timeline with Grandma... and she agreed that it was ok if it took some months. Today she came up with the plan to live in some random lady she knows home.. she has had no contact with this lady in years due to said ladies alcoholism. What my family is looking for is some sort of release of liability form, so if Grandma gets injured/hurt at this ladies house, or something happens, the family can't be held legally responsible.
Does anything like that exist?
I am wondering if Grandmother now has dementia, because with dementia it is not uncommon for a person to make up stories. Has the family even met this woman, if she actually exists?
Time for the family to look into Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] where Grandmother can move into a nursing home and the State Medicaid will pay for her room/board and care. That way, Grandmother can have a village looking after her, and be around some people of her own age group.
We don't know what Grandma has told this lady, other than her basically stating my aunt hates her, doesn't care for her properly, (completely false) and that she has to leave because my uncle isn't there during the day (implying she is left alone...which is completely untrue.)
I will look into the medicaid. She currently has medicare, collects social security, and I was working on medi-cal, and trying to get survivors benefits from the VA (my grandpa passed in 2004, and had served 6 years in the army and navy during Korea).
We just don't know how to keep her from making this decision. We don't have power of attorney.
Even if we reframe it as "wanting what's best for her" there are no guarantees. She's decided that my Aunt is mean, and mistreats her. Which is far from the truth. She did this to my mom years ago too.
Just at loss right now. Thank you for your reply.
Encourage your dad to let her live with her choices and consequences, reaffirm that he isn't responsible for her happiness and all he can do is step back and let her find out what life is really like. Placing someone in a facility is very difficult, however, when they choose not to be civil to their family that has sacrificed their lives for them, it is time that others care for them.
Can you have a heart to heart with grandma and explain what her choices will cost her, as in the family removing themselves from the train wreck and maybe she will have hurt everyone so much that they just walk away and she spends the rest of her life with only strangers? Make it sound as bad as it could be and if she starts acting like a child tell her to stop,her behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.
They need to sit with her and explain Gma's limits and what is needed to care for her. Her house should be disabled accessible. Bars in the shower. On one floor. If your Dad feels its unsafe, maybe APS can check the home out and tell Gma its not a safe place for her. Even Office of Aging maybe able to help.
I think if this woman is taking in Gma, Gma has promised her something like money. Gma has probably not told her what her health problems are.
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