Mom with dementia and narcissistic personality disorder(s?) has been successfully moved to a high quality nursing home, for about six months now. Caretaker brother has title to the house, which she refused to maintain for years, so he had to cobble things together, and which elder sister tried to block at the last minute, we do not know why, except she thought he would be unable to maintain it. For years he has dedicated himself to our mother. Now, he thought he would feel relief, but instead feels empty worthless and hopeless. Is this common and how can he return to life?
Your brother's life revolved around your mom and now she's being cared for somewhere else by someone else. This has left a huge gaping hole in your brother's life. When people get to this point it's very difficult to know what to do. Since your brother is feeling the emptiness so profoundly I would suggest that he see a therapist so he can get some tools to rebuild his life. He sounds very depressed.
When my time came I moved to a tiny cottage on an acre in the middle of nowhere. Land taxes are 1/4 of the city, I run a wood stove a lot to keep electric bills down, grow and can veggies and keep chickens. My living expenses are a fraction of what hey were in the city.
It's easy to become trapped in the "here and now" of caregiving, but there will be a time when this is over. Daydreaming and planning can help relieve the tension and frustration as well as give him something to look forward to.
What are or were his interests before becoming a caregiver? Resurrect them, even if it's just participating on a forum with others who share the same interest.
And, he will eventually have the time back to himself.
My Mother was a clothes horse so I hope cleaning her closets and drawers will be good projects. Thank you.
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