I've lost interest in everything all I do is watch tv with my 84 yr old Mother. The only place I go is grocery shopping and to all the doctors appointments. All my friend post pictures of them their family's and friends having fun. I'm not going to be this young again and I wish I was married. I don't want to end up old and alone.
I feel exactly the same way. I am 51 years old divorced and alone in my caregiving for my mom. I have two brothers one local but it's a struggle to get them to even to visit let alone help. I have been doing this on an off for the last 15 years but have been living with her for the last four years. It's all I can do to work and take care of her needs. I feel very isolated, lonely and getting bitter and angry. Don't get me wrong I love my mother to death and would do anything for her but I am tired and very depressed. I watch my brother and his family taking extended family on vacations and enjoying life and it doesn't seem fair! I asked no I begged for help with doctors orders to have them keep her for 30 days to give me a break. It took me being admitted to the hospital with chest pain before they agreed to keep her for two weeks and no longer. Now I am struggling with terrible guilt because I feel like I can no longer do it. My mental and physical health is suffering.
Because nothing says "sexy" like telling someone that you live with your mother and have to clean up her poo. It's why I don't even try to meet anyone.
However, I do go to the gym. I figured I could have 2 options:
1 - I could become my mom's buddy and start watching TV 24/7 like CNN and then tell everyone about the war on terror or The Donald's latest bout of verbal diarehha. And I could have a diet mainly of sugary carbs and complain incessantly about everyone and everything or……
2 - I could do Crossfit. ya I'm 53. I walked into that gym and I never looked back. Since my Mom's accident, I felt like I had lost control over my life. Every decision I made I had to consider her first. But Crossfit is mine. It doesn't matter what your fitness level, anyone can do it. It is the most empowering thing in my life. The community of people there are incredible. So for 1 to 2 hours of my day, it's all about me!!
My point here is, if you can excersize … do it! It's chocolate for the brain. And if you are single.. There are men there... All kinds of men.😀
go somewhere, Murphy's Law kicks in. My Mom gets sick & needs to go to the hospital. I don't think it's intentional, but sometimes I can't help but think it is.
My 1st Grandbaby is due very soon, & I want to fully enjoy him & to be perfectly honest, see life through new eyes now, but I fear my Mom might get sick close to or on the day the baby is due, tearing me apart.
I'm just trying to take what little bits of me that I can squeeze in, a run, the gym, a walk at night, a book. I'm only working part time and have accepted that I will never have a real career since I went from the mommy track to the daughter track.
Any break at all helps. If you can afford it, put your mom in respite so you can get out of the house for a few days, or hire a caregiver to sit with her so you can get a break. Maybe a teenager in the neighborhood who does some babysitting could do some elder sitting?
Still I know it is not fair to me. Goodness, I'm 64 and single living with a mother who has lived 5-10 years longer than the rest of her siblings have. Sadly, it has been in poor health.
The game shows and blaring TV -- I know what you mean. We've had Family Feud and some others going on for years. Then there is The Waltons and Little House. I don't watch TV anymore, since the same shows just addle me. My mother is watching TV less now that her confusion is increasing.
I never thought when I came here when I was 57 that I would still be here at 64. The saddest thing is that I don't think my time here has been meaningful. If there had been some loving or caring or warmth of any kind, I know I would have felt different. I love it when I read about the families who are close on here, because I know that's how it should be.
of health issues. I have bad arthritis in my back and a permeated disk in my lower back. I am a breast cancer survivor and this chapter in my life(taking care of my mom full time) is so much harder. People think that we can just come and go as we please but it is not that easy. We have to silently suffer with loud TVS and dental floss always on the floor. So lonely girl I know your pain. We are in a temporary prigatory . We are serving a sentence for being good. So lonely girl you
are not alone. I feel your pain because I am living it alongside with you. I havn't known a night where I can just go to bed myself but I can't fall asleep before my mom. I really miss that part of my life. My mom comes first and I havn,t come first with myself in years. I need a respite. I want to be able to rent an apartment for a month with my cat and not worry about my mom. I am sure you feel that way. Stay healthy and take care of yourself. You are very important too. It is very sad that we lose ourselves when we have to take care of someone. It is not fun especially when you have to do almost everything for them. It is exhausting. I am glad I am not alone.
So do we mean, "life is passing me by" or do we mean "I don't have a life if I don't have a relationship"?
To me, these are really very different things!
I am working on re-establishing a social life. A social life that you'd call a social life, that is, rather than the pathetic gestures I made towards it during the key caregiver years.
But if I ever again even look like I'm angling for a love life, I'd like Captain to come and shoot me please. As the song goes: "Iiiiiiiiiifff I were the marrying kind - which thank the Lord I'm not sir! - " Sometimes you'll be happier if you just accept your own limitations.
Thanks everyone for your help and concern I take comfort knowing I'm not the only one that is feel this way.
It's time to get control of this and start building some kind of life while still being there for mom. Because she's going to pass away and I"ll be left with no life and lots of cats. (Actually, I love cats so having a good life AND lots of cats would be ideal,especially since we don't have a cat now).
Focusing on some goals and projects lately has helped. The future really depends on today's choices. It's going to get here one way or the other - and will find me either having a good life, or sitting on the couch with a container of chocolate pudding, watching reality TV.
i told the first one , if she ever found the spineless guy she envisioned , she wouldnt have much .
at least she was momentarily honest enough to agree with me on that .
i call the first one " ms no fire wood "
the second one " ms no bathroom / kitchen remodel " .
it isnt a " nice guy , you owe me ALL the p33h#le " thing .
its a " stop playing me you evil b#t% " thing ..