I'm a live-in assistant and when I inquired about a paycheck he said that free room and board is compensation enough. Is that right?

So why do you stay? Don't let him snow you about not being able to afford care, as a senior disabled vet there are services he can tap into if he looks hard enough. And on your way out the door wish him good luck in finding someone who will work for room& board lol.
You only have another 15 years to try to save for your own future, don't delay.

www.agingcare.com/veterans-assistance

You didn't ask a question but I'm assuming you are thinking to yourself what now after three years!? However you made your living before, dust off your resume and get it in circulation. You've had a long course in caring for a Parkinson's patient so perhaps that could be the position you seek only this time for pay. He's your friend right? He shouldn't have a problem with your actively looking for work while remaining in his home. You aren't a vet nor or you financially stable so he should understand that you have to prepare for your future. You could help him interview the new applicants who will be lined up out the door for the room and board position. Good luck and don't put it off. It's going to be hard starting from scratch but you can do it much better at 53 than anytime in the future.

As you now see, this should have been arranged for from the beginning. It's odd that after 3 years that you are only now questioning it. If he were to pay you, he'd also have to pay social security taxes on wages. You have lost out on 3 years of earnings going towards social security. You need to rapidly begin saving towards retirement! Get a job quickly....with benefits and hopefully one that has a savings plan that will match funds. He can hire help and get benefits due him.

Same as everyone else, I'm wondering what kept you. Three years?!

I should put it to your veteran that if he thinks he can get full-time care in exchange for room and board only, he can just try it when you leave. Frankly, he is taking you for a mug.

Ifhe had a 24/7 companion through an agency he would be paying 8-10K a month. And that would be four caregivers, each with eight hour shifts. Look for work to take care of yourself.

I understand completely why you waited 3 yrs. I told my brother things that I never should have said about paying all the bills for my mom. I have a giving heart and once I got in the situation living with my mother and caregiver I change my mind after a while because I realized how naive I was about letting her monthly checks build up while I am ready for a nervous breakdown and my brothers would be making money in the end while I am killing myself after 3 yrs!!!

What he is doing is not legal.
He can apply for assistance from the VA and that would help greatly.
I suggest, if you wish to continue to work for this person that you draw up a contract with hours specified, time off specified, and include vacation. Indicate what you will do, what you will not do. And call around in your area what live in caregivers are paid. And you will find even live in caregivers get time off none of them work 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Please also make sure that he has insurance that will cover injuries. This may have to be added to his homeowners insurance. Not sure how that works, I was with a program through the VA called VIP and that was covered through the program.
If he does not agree to pay you fair wage starting from this point then you should give him a date that you will have to discontinue working for him. And I suggest that you begin looking for work. If you like being a Caregiver there are many agencies that need good dedicated honest people.
Notice I did not even get into past compensation. Water under the bridge so to speak.

I'm using an ultra conservative figure for a pay comparison and a super generous figure for a room and board comparison - but you are doing roughly $9,000 worth of work each month for roughly $2,000 worth of R&B and that's throwing in free use of a car and gas. Sorry to be a hard ass here - but your "friend" is taking advantage of you - big time!

I'm in a similar boat. I began caring for a 93 year old who had fallen VERY ill in 2014. I was between jobs and caregiving was not my career path at the time. No one thought he would make it 2 weeks.......but he's still here and doing well. I started caring for him because the whiny 68 yr old son is married to and minion of a Malignant Narcisisst who has not only called me every name in the book, for bucking her "orders" but even tried to defame my character in this community. Oh and for the first 20 months my pay was $50 a day. Nice huh? The reason I'm writing now, is because many of the responses ask......"why do you stay?"

For me it is simple. Remove me from the picture and he is at the Malignant Narcissist's mercy. I mean, the day before his 95th bday, she was flying back home and as she left she said to him, "guess I'll never see you again." It devastated him and he weakened right down and went to bed for the next three days, missing his bday until I got back and set up a small dinner with friends and cake with more friends later.

I can't leave him. I can't sentence him to the rest of his life (no matter how short or long that is) to the cheapest nursing home they can leave him in.....This old guy is a prince among few and given the life he has led, he deserves more than that.

HOWEVER.......someone also posted that not being paid at the least minimum wage is ILLEGAL.......At least Federally, but also, for me, State law is clear.

So.......I have a lawyer......I have a spreadsheet with all of my time/payments and pay due.....I have everything done/said documented by email and text msgs. I have photos and videos of events I have taken him to and witnesses to his care. So......I wait......although patience with stupid people is not one of my qualities......I am practicing.....because when this is all said and done the simpleton son will either elect to go back and clean up this mess and give me the missing W2s and legitimize my pay (you get 4 years with the IRS to file or amend your taxes - if you don't file and you are owed money you lose it....if you owe, you will get penalties).......the pay in my case will be straight and overtime (though I am here 24/7)...... I own a home down the street and have a bed there so I cannot be considered live-in)......and he will be lucky if he doesn't end up in jail for tax evasion.....remember FEDERAL LAW (AND MANY STATE LAWS) STATE THAT CAREGIVERS ARE NOT.....REPEAT NOT.....CONTRACTORS.......WE ARE EMPLOYEES......THEREFORE THE EMPLOYER MUST OBEY THE LAW AND NOT CLASSIFY US AS CONTRACTORS ......besides, I'm 61 and this is messing with my Social Security.....so......simpleton son HAS to make this right.

And finally......as per the Dept of Labor and the IRS:

Improperly treating a household worker as an independent contract for tax and insurance purposes is a practice known as “Employee Misclassification” and the US Department of Labor, the IRS and 33 states are working together to crack down on this illegal practice. Wage and hour complaints and unemployment claims are two common actions that brings misclassification to the attention of authorities.

As a practical matter, most companions will no longer be exempt – which means they will have to comply with the FLSA’s minimum wage and overtime pay requirements. Failure to do so could result in the payment of double the amount of back wages owed, plus attorneys’ fees on both sides (yours and your employee’s).

Even I get "running around" money from my Mom, as I moved in to help her out. So I know what it's like to lose yourself in the work once settled in. We are the same age. Even WITH money, room, board and a car, I had to take a 2nd caregiving job 1-2 days/week to pay at LEAST into SSI for my SSI later in life, and I have nothing for "retirement". I lost all of my financial stability when my husband thought taking care of Mom is a luxury. So I divorced my financial stability at 50 (he's now 70 and alone. If you like N Idaho, he'd welcome a house cleaner who cooks and runs things for nothing. He hasn't found a replacement for me in 3 yrs. He has long term care insurance to use for paying help, but he's as healthy as a horse).   Let me know if you wish to inquire - he has a spare room with bathroom.
You need to ask for a stipend or plan on moving. Only YOU can decide your future (as best we can). Mom occasionally FORGETS that she pays me some spending cash. She asks if I have money, because she doesn't want to take advantage of me (we set up her bank account so I can sign checks for her, we did a lot of uncomfortable pre-planning before I moved in, while she was fine).  

As for losing your own life, that's also your doing, unfortunately.  I get up extra early to do social activities online, and I make friends in support groups to do stuff with. My first step upon moving in with Mom was finding MYSELF a therapist. She guides me in planning for the future. I've had my name added to the home (it's not much, but it works and just survived another wave of storms). Mom is leaving me the home, but I need to be on the deed to keep the affordable rent she negotiated for 40 years ago. I'm hoping to go back to school to be a therapist. I have phobias to overcome, so I have plenty to do for me. I walk an hour almost daily, after stretching, you meet people ALSO walking (mostly dog walkers), I attend a lot of community activities to make friends, also. Make friends when out and about during your work. 
Why this wasn't handled 3 yrs ago is - as was stated - water under the bridge. Keep focused on NOW and your future. Insist on being paid, OR, find someone else to assist! 

Caregiving is in desperate need for devoted people like you. And me. I'm scared to go to school (what if I fail while distracted by Mom's dementia?). I'm going to see if there are any internships, because I am in the same boat as you are. No way of saving with the little pay I get from Mom AND my other client. I'm considering a retail job - if I can stay upright for 8 hours a day - to pay the bills, but if it cuts into Mom's care, it's not an option for me. How did you find yourself in this pickle? What I mean is, did he advertise for an assistant with no pay?

No, of course it isn't right, but you put yourself in this position. 3 years? And just now you're figuring out you have no money?

You can do several things.
Leave and get a paying job and let this man figure out how to get free care again or
2: stay and be 'abused' by your own choice.
3: Figure out a way to BE paid. You can't get back wages, that is sad, but you chose this life. (I am not blaming you--I know that a lot of elderly people think that $50 is worth $1000! Is your friend this way? IS he also destitute or is he OK financially? My guess is he is pretty wily.

Room and board...and you work about 60 hrs per week---your friend definitely got a great deal in YOU!

borialis30, you are caught between a rock and a hard place.   You probably used up all your savings to help take care of yourself, clothing, car, etc. and now you find yourself with zero savings.

Even if you do find that job with great benefits, where will you live?   It would be great if your patient friend would let you live in his house if you pay some rent until you can build up enough funds for 1st months and security at an apartment.   Or try to rebuild those past friendships and live with one of them until you are back on your feet.

It is good that you are thinking about this NOW instead of a decade down the road.   Better late than never, as some would say.   Hope everything works out for you.

Please keep us updated :)

I'm in a similar boat. However, my charge is my mother. I've moved back to my childhood home after my father passed to care for her. I completely understand how you could allow three years to pass because we never know how long they will need us. As each day passes, we witness their failing health, we never know how long we will be needed and just hang in there as the days fade into weeks, months... years. I have been able to secure a part time position that allows me to generate a (minimum wage) income and it covers my personal bills while living rent-free. I wonder if you could come to a similar arrangement with your charge. Might you be able to agree upon being away from him for say no more than five hours/day so you can get a part time outside job? In my situation, the part time work I do looks good on a resume (as it reflects continued employment) AND I have the option of going full time in the future.

borialis30, I just thought of something, how are you paying for health insurance or do you not have any insurance? Or are you on Medicaid?

Do you enjoy the work of being a caregiver? If you do there ar places that will give you free training as a nurses aide as long as you agree to work there for a certain length of time. There are also programs in some facilities to train as an LPN or RN while still working part time in the facility and then working there for a contracted amount of time.
Can you find a room somewhere as a housemate for a small rent or even companion. you won't be paid much more than minimum to start but should get health care and SS paid. You need 40 contribution to get any SS retirement. If you have been married for a certain length of time you can claim on an ex's or dead spouse.

Get yourself another job, and leave this loser behind

You are being taken advantage of. If you do research online about the "cost of live-in caregivers" you will find that they make from $700 to $3000 a week. There are many factors such as what part of the country you live in, what the living accommodations are and what hours the person is required to be on duty. Check out http://www.caregiverlist.com/rates (which states below) and copy the information to show him!

Live-in Care Overview

Cost: $160 - $250 per day
If he still refuses to pay you, I highly suggest you find another live-in caregiving job in your area with someone who appreciates your help, pays you for your hard work and support, and is grateful for everything you do for them. Much success to you!

No, that's definitely not right. It's wrong especially if you have nothing for retirement. Given your situation, I personally would move out now. I'm not sure who you would turn to about something like this given your description, but I would definitely return to my life as I knew it before this. I would just explain to him that you need money for other things and what you were doing. Just tell him you have nothing for retirement, which is why you must move out and return to work. Just explain you have other expenses that take money and you need money. Grocery stores for starters don't give away free food, and garages don't do free repairs if your car breaks down. You must pay for those things among many other things in life. It takes money to get by. Thank him for the free room and board, but you have other expenses that require money and you can't live like you're living without money. 

One question you're also going to want to ask him is what will happen if one day he's not around no more because one day he'll be gone. Remind him he won't be around forever and you need to think of the future and if he has your best interest at heart, he needs to think of yours. 

Another thing to consider is what will you do if he gets mad for some odd reason and suddenly decides to evict you? What will become of you and where will you go with no money? This is a serious risk of living with someone else and not having any money because they can evict you anytime they choose. You're under their roof and it's their rules but there's a twist: you have tenant rights. if something like this were to break out you would definitely need a lawyer to go after backpay because you have no proof of any paystub's he has made and they would probably make him pay dearly, and possibly with interest. If he were to evict you tomorrow, you will need money to get your own place and back on your feet. This is why you would need a lawyer who takes a portion of your winnings and not out of your pocket if you have nothing. 

You really need to start thinking of these things here and now especially given your age. 

My questions to you 
1. If something were to happen to you, what about your medical expenses and what if you need medical care? What if you have certain conditions and need ongoing care and medication? Who will pay for that? 

2. What if you died, then what? Who will pay for your funeral and final disposition? What are your final wishes? How will you pay to make sure your final wishes are honored and carried out? Where will the money come from? 

3. What about your estate and assets? Yes, you need a will and you need to make it through a lawyer, and this takes money. 

4. Where do you store your belongings? Can they all fit in the house? Do you have overflow that you must put into storage? Paying for a storage rental takes money. You need money for that. 

5. Do you have a car? If so, I assume you probably have a license and insurance that must be paid. Every so often you must renew your license and plates. You must also pay for insurance to stay on the road. Where will the money come when those things come due? 

Consequences of no pay:  
 
* You can't possibly keep a car, a license or insurance. 

* Not being able to pay for storage will cost you all of your belongings. 

* You can't file a will and probate if you can't pay the fee. 

* Medical expenses cost money along with prescriptions. No money means no prescriptions. 

* No money means your funeral and final wishes won't be covered. 

Yes, this is an awful lot to think about but very important and very necessary. You really need to decide for yourself how much you really care about these things and how well you want to be taken care of when you most need it because needs often change.  given your age, there is no guarantee your needs won't change as you age. Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but you really need to bring up these things and give him the ultimatum. 

What you need to also do is use social media to your advantage and warn others about this type of thing and about this particular type of person who happens to be a tightwad. He wants care but he won't pay for it? Deadbeat! 

 What I would suggest you do is get a lawyer anyway and definitely go for backpay with interest. If you have proof you actually live at that address such as a piece of mail or something, definitely show proof of address and residency. You do have tenants rights, but research your state laws and see how your tenant rights work in your state. Research tenant rights in case he does try to evict you. If this ever happens, you need a lawyer anyway, you may as well get one now before your face with an unexpected emergency such as eviction with nowhere to go but in a cardboard box on the street or under a bridge. I wouldn't think you would want this to happen and in some towns, vagrancy as they call it is illegal and cops will pick up the homeless in such towns. What they do with them after picking them up, I don't know where they go. Around here though, we've had some homeless people actually vanish, but I don't know where they're taken when they're picked up. Don't be among those who vanish, get yourself taken care of and get yourself a paycheck, and a very good one

Time for a new job.

Well...after an hour long talk with an accountant and a lawyer I will be going to see the lawyer and the accountant during my time off in two weeks. After that long discussion I realize that the ONLY way that I can get myself straight with the government.......not to mention taking care of my social security (as it is all I will have when I retire)......is to file suit now. It could take 3 or so years before this is all settled. In the meantime, I am filing my taxes with only my own records / check copies / bank statements in order to get this moving in the right direction. YES.....I will end up having to pay a monthly payment to the IRS until I get the pay owed to me by the son of the elderly man I care for. For me, this has been a VERY DIFFICULT decision because I am afraid that the son will fire me (though the lawyer said something about retaliatory firing being illegal) but we know they can find a way and that would mean that this kind old soul will be slapped in a nursing home. It took three years for me to decide that while I love this old dude and promised him to care for him until the end, I know that the Malignant Narcissistic daughter-in-law will take the money and hide it so I have to do something to protect myself now........and hope for the best when the son finds out. As it is, the daughter-in-law already got her father to sign everything (150K) over to her two weeks before he died cutting out all of her siblings and then a few years later her ex died and she had the insurance policy which indicated that her two children were the beneficiaries.......she signed their name and walked away with another 175K.........so as much as I hate this........I have to look after myself first or I could end up a mess when i retire..........why can't folks just do the right thing?

Yep, it sounds like you're now on the right track and you're now seeing reason to get some help about this. What I would do now once you establish a lawyer is go for back pay along with what you're due now, and tack the highest interest possible to every dime coming to you. Given your situation, I personally would go for $1000 interest a day for each day I was without money, and that's where I firmly stand because what you described is definitely wrong and maybe even illegal.
Everyone needs income. Unless you're very badly disabled, you have no need to be a dependent. I don't know if this person was doing taxes and claiming you as a dependent, or not doing taxes at all, I don't know the whole story but not paying someone for this type of work in your situation is definitely wrong on all levels. He could've easily let you go on with your life as you knew it, he didn't have to take you in if he wasn't going to pay you a salary. Making someone vanish from the system like this raises red flags. What if someone would've been looking for you and there you were all this time? What if you would've been one of the ones on the missing persons list? yes, now you're seeing reason to get a lawyer.

Free room and board is nice, but I hope you learned from this experience. If you ever accept room and board again, take your head with you next time and have some rules in place and demand a start up down payment and a regular salary maybe even above minimum wage.

Free room and board are very nice things anyone would want and I really admire those things. Definitely except free room and board if necessary, but take your head with you next time. Enjoy it but be smart about it. Get a regular paycheck but don't be greedy and take inheritance away from the rightful heirs. 

Someone on here mentioned something about when someone hides money. Lawyers have very clever ways of discovering hidden assets including mine. They can open an estate and subpoena records. If that money turns out to be gone, assets can be seized because you can put liens on houses or any other assets and take them for what's owed to the the rightful heirs. I'm currently in a situation of my own because we finally found the proper address of a person in question who has a record of giving false information to nonexistent addresses or house numbers. We're just now finding out that the very person has a bigger history then we realized and probably should've never been in any position over an elder. You can only wonder how many other people fell victim to this type of person, defrauding others often turns out to be a pattern that will be found out sooner or later because fraud will find you out and there will be serious consequences for those doing it