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My LO (mom) has episodes where her husband, is not there and she wants to call him or find him. In reality he is right there with her, but the man with her is someone else with the same name. When this happens she gets very worked up. She wants us to call him, find him and make him come home. Most times she is fine with the other Bill being there, sometimes she is not.
I usually tell her he went to help my brother and is staying the night, as it normally happens in the evening.
I don't know what to tell her anymore. Especially when it happens in the morning. Like today. She will not accept any answer I've come up with.

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You're doing as well as could be expected in a difficult situation. You could ask her doctor for calming meds, or you could redirect her every time she brings it up.

Or you might try telling her that husband called and said he'd be late. Keep telling her that. If you want to get into deceptive techniques, and I don't see anything wrong with that, you could have her husband call voicemail and leave a message that he's on the way or has to spend another night at brother's. Then play the same voicemail for her every time she asks about him. You could even have a variety of voicemails to play.

Good luck!
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gmjock Feb 12, 2024
The voicemail is a great idea. I'm going to give that a try. It is rough, sometimes it lasts a few hours and sometimes much longer.
Thank you!
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I'd get the doc to prescribe meds for mom if this agitation lasts for hours! My mother did well, or better, with Ativan when she was insisting her dead parents and siblings were being hidden away from her at the Memory Care Assisted Living she lived in. Nothing would deter her from her search for them, which is when I asked for meds. It's not fair to have her THIS upset for so long w/o getting her calming meds.

Good luck to you.
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gmjock Feb 12, 2024
I am currently working on getting something prescribed. Her previous neurologist prescribed Seroquil which made things worse. That neurologist no longer takes her insurance, so we are trying to get set up with a new one.
Thank you!!
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It is called Capgras. Check out

https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/impostor-syndrome-capgras

and

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34033319/#:~:text=Capgras%20syndrome%20(CS)%2C%20or,inanimate%20object%20or%20an%20animal.

regarding it.

Then continue on searching out even more. Gain as much knowledge as you can to help cope with this. We experienced it and it is a nightmare from the deepest pits of a broken mind.

We were prepared for just about anything to keep MIL in her house until she died. Then the Capgras hit. Because of the suspected LBD component, they wouldn't prescribe medications until she was in a 24/7 facility. Guardianship was required (by Oregon -- POA wasn't enough) to do that. That was done and eventually we got her placed in MC. We absolutely HAD to as Capgras was THAT bad.

For your safety and hers, place her now before she gets worse. The best way to help her is to medicate her in a controlled location.

Good luck.
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funkygrandma59 Feb 12, 2024
Yes it definitely is capgras syndrome. We have/had many folks in our dementia caregiver support group that have or are dealing with their loved ones with it, and it is so very hard and sad.
OP and mom need to educate themselves on this for sure.
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I think too those with Dementia remember LOs when they were younger. Now they see an older version and don't recognize them. Some see sons or daughters and think they are spouses if they resemble the spouse.
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I believe JoAnn is correct about people remembering people in their younger years.

I met a woman who was a permanent resident in the facility where my mom did rehab. She thought she was only 32 years old and that her son was 9 years old. It was very sad. She had no idea who her son was when he went to see her.
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