She has walked out of hotel room before, but I have a door alarm now. She rides in the car quite well. Trip would take at least 3 days each way. The trip is for a class reunion and to see family and friends. Air travel is not an option. Good idea or not?
Someone mentioned on this sight that a parent got the door open while they were moving. My thought was put her in the backseat where you can put the child guards on for door and windows.
Maybe acquire a passenger for longer journeys? In the UK there are websites for people to advertise travel!
PS I take his majesty for outings about 3-4 times a week, because I really like driving and going places, and he still enjoys most of the experience - BUT i needed a holiday, and in July we both had a holiday for 2 weeks - he was in a care home, and I went 'on the road' to Scotland via Northumberland. It was fabulous! And he enjoyed his 'time out' from me!!!!
Take care XXXX
Before being diagnosed with Lewey Body dementia, my father enjoyed traveling eight hours to another state to see my sister. In early stage, after traveling four hours to see his grandson and family, he wanted to go home shortly after arriving and refused to spend the night - something we had agreed upon before starting the trip. That was the last long distance trip we took.
In mid-stage, he became combative and tried to open the car door while traveling down the freeway to a local doctor’s appointment. We were both extremely lucky that I had a caregiver in the backseat to help me, where he rode from thereon! In mid-winter, he was pouting because we had to go to his doctor’s appointment, so he laid down on the sidewalk in front of the building, refusing to enter! Ahhhh, the memories- not funny then, but I chuckle now when reminiscing!
So, after considering these things, you can make an informed decision on your most recent experiences. Would it be better for her to stay behind so she can maintain a routine and feel safe? Would she enjoy being in the midst of large groups and a lot of noise, participate in activities or conversation? Would she know/remember many of these people, or be overwhelmed because she can’t remember them? What would she feel more comfortable doing?
The worry I would have is the Hotel and since you have a door alarm that would solve the wandering.
I am just wondering about the reunion.
How well will your wife do with all the people, the noise, the confusion and the late nights?
I know with my Husband he did much better if we kept a pretty strict schedule as to when he ate, when he went to bed. Going off schedule seemed to throw him off the next day. And if you have almost a week of "off schedule" how will she do?
Is this a reunion for her or for you?
If it is for you I would suggest putting her in Respite for the length of time you will be gone. You can fly so your trip would actually be shorter. I think you, after you get over the possible guilt that you will feel, will have a better time. You will not have to worry about your wife in a crowd, you will not have to worry if she will try to get out of the hotel room, there are a lot of other worries that will be eliminated.
If the reunion is hers will she actually benefit by attending the reunion? Will she know the people, if she is at all aware will she be embarrassed?
The trip for family and friends..if you do go to the reunion is it possible to leave her with family while you attend the reunion? If there is a small group of people that say they would love to see "Mrs Cpldutch" you might arrange a get together at a local breakfast spot and all meet for breakfast or brunch one morning. IF morning is a good time for her, it might have to be an afternoon if later in the day is better for her. Only you know when is her best time of day.
I hate to say it but no matter what you decide to do you will always have second thoughts. If she gets up set while you are there you will think you should have left her home, if she gets up set at home you will think she should have been with you.
As the facilitator of one of my support groups always says..."Don't should on yourself" You make what you think is the right decision at the time, just like you always made the right decision when it came to all the other decisions in your life. It was the right one at the time. Forget 20/20 hindsight.
People are different, though. Perhaps, she would enjoy it. It's just that my LO and other dementia patients often get easily disoriented in new places, overwhelmed with lots of noise and strange people. The people may appear strange to her if she can't remember who they are, so, it's embarrassing and scary to them. What if your wife doesn't recall some of her old friends and family members? I'd consider if this is really something that she might enjoy or not. I had to remind myself to think of what my LO would enjoy with her new reality and not what she used to like so much.
If you decide to go, take all sort of items like coloring, comic books, video player and related movies along (whatever she enjoys doing). Also do not forget her favorite snacks. Road side food is usually not healthy and she may have a problem with digestion or other reasons.
She is not incontinent you say, but the start of incontinence is always unannounced and a big surprise in the most unlikely place. So better be prepared. Take along many change of clothing because soiling clothes is very easy.
Take along all the relevant medical information and enough supplies. You may end up staying longer than you planned. There is a lot more to consider, but that is a different subject to discuss if you eventually decide to go. In your shoes, and going just the two of you, I would not do it. But you maybe much more adventurous than I am.
Good luck.
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