My sister is 44 years old & has some moderate mental disabilities: OCD, hoarding, phobias of public places & new people (she hasn't left the house in over 20 years.) She also has some learning disabilities, and I suspect autism, although she has never been formally diagnosed. My mother has always been extremely protective of her, and because of this, she lacks social & coping skills. She is able to provide her own personal care & hygiene, but will never be able to live indepently. Partly due to her disabilities, but probably more so due to the way she was raised. Our mother is currently on hospice & I think she expects my husband & I to continue her care. I don't think we are up to the job. We have two young children and a life of our own. My question is: where can she live if/when mother's house gets sold? She is very set in her ways (i.e. difficult to live with) & I wouldn't consider us close. Not entirely sure we can handle this responsibility for the rest of her life. I need options please.
Today she is 61, lives in an airy ranch built from the ground up to be a group home. Full air conditioning there helps control behaviors and minimize seizures. She has a generous PNA, about $120 a month. Staff takes her shopping seasonally for clothes. She goes for a manicure monthly, sees the podiatrist monthly, gets free admission to events and performances due to her disability. If she needs anything "My staff takes care of that."
What's so bad about that? You go to work. She has staff.
My older brother had many problems, lived with my parents till he died suddenly at age 60, and I was very worried that I would be takeing care of the three of them. I had your same concern.
If he had outlived my folks I was planning on setting up a trust for his care from my parents estate. He would have most likely ended up in a group home and later a skilled nursing facility and at some point on Medicaid.
This is difficult, I was not close to my brother but felt duty bound to see he was taken care of. He probably would not have agreed or liked my plans for him but there was no way he could have taken care of an old house and five acres of land. And due to our history there was no way he was moving in with me.
As difficult as it may be you will have to do what has to be done. My guess is your sister may adjust to a group home in time. Good luck to you.