He pretty much cut us off years ago. He did send her a couple of large checks several years ago, and when SHE calls HIM on his birthday every year, he does talk to her about an hour. He absolutely refused to speak to me for years, but this last year I called him and we actually talked. It may not happen again, but do any of you have an idea how I can get him to help with mom? He's in another state, far away, and his wife doesn't like her, so he can't take her, nor can she travel. Now what?
A relationship isn't a relationship if you are only allowed to speak about things that the other person approves of, by the way.
What do you want him to do for your mother? Send more checks? Call on her birthday, for a change?
Maybe her pain meds need re-evaluating since they are making her confused and forgetful. Does her doctor know that?
I also agree with an evaluation of her meds if they are making her confused.
She won't discuss Medicaid; keeps saying they always tell her she makes just a little too much for it. I tried again last week. She's getting there, cmag; thanks for the tip about the social worker at the NH, it will have to be done after the fact, I guess.
Instead find others to help. An Elder Law attorney would be a good starting point (paid for with Mom's money.) It may be true that Mom has a little too much income, but usually an attorney can solve that issue.
It would be useful to have an objective assessment of what your mother needs. Assisted Living? Nursing Home? Something else? Your Area Agency on Aging can help you figure out how to get a needs assessment.
Go over her med list with the pharmacist and see if you can identify the ones most likely to be causing confusion. Then discuss those with her doctor. What is her confusion like? What makes you think it is from her medications?
Home support is a blessing to me.
Your Mom can not stay in independent living. She needs more care that I am not sure even an AL can give. You need to call Medicaid and find out if she has ever applied, if so, find out why she was turned down. She will need to be evaluated for a Nursing home.
Straight answer? You CAN'T make your brother do anything. Period. As far as him not having a relationship with mom or you, well, you can't force it. Don't even try.
I have 4 living sibs. My brother and I do the most for mom. The other 3, despite being no more than 20 minutes away from her, do nothing unless I shoot them a text or email and kind of get "nasty" about it.
Truth is, it is what it is. Some people simply don't value the relationship with their parent(s) and that's the way it is.
Better to accept and move on than worry and wonder why brother doesn't come around. At least he sends money occasionally. More than my brother did.