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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mom died overnight...in her sleep. As I tucked her in that night she said, "Gladys!!" sounding rejuvenated and happy. (Gladys was mom's sister who died 15 years before. "Gladys!! Is it really you?? GOODIE! GOODIE! GOODIE!"
Make of that what you will. Mom died peacefully in her sleep that night. I know what I make of it.
Im not religious so no I personally don't but my mum believes and her view would be this: John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”
It doesn't matter what I personally believe. Tell your mom whatever she needs to hear to be comforted. The factual truth makes no matter at that point. A good, peaceful, gentle death is the main point.
What I do believe is that each person's last moments of consciousness are crafted by their upbringing, life experiences, and memories. As the brain loses oxygen, it processes less and less information until there is just light. And then there is no light. I understand death as a biological, physiological process better than anything else. I would never tell someone else that what they believe is wrong.
I believe and trust that the end of life process will do what it's supposed to. The processes to return my body to star stuff will kick in, and I will rejoin the universe in a completely different way. I don't need to hear there is a paradise waiting for me or the threat of permanent damnation. Who knows, I might go on to be part of a very exciting new planet or star!
Dear Luckylu - It doesn't really matter what we may think. It's what your mom thinks that matters; she's the one dying. My mom wouldn't really talk about it the final days, she couldn't speak. But watching her, I realized that scared, or not - it was of great comfort to have familiar things nearby. So I would be sure that certain 'night lights' were on, etc. Your bio indicates that she is 'at home' ; not a facility and that you may not be prepared to say 'good bye'.
You have a tough road ahead dear one. If she's already indicated that she is frightened, you're going to have to push your own fears aside. If she's afraid of being alone, tell her she won't be. You'll be there. There are a lot more conversations ahead of you. What you need to say and do to help her will become more clear as time passes. Stay with us.
Im a non believer sort of - hedging bets here I guess but I would call myself an agnostic. My mother is a believer and it is her whose dreams hope and prayers that are paramount for me. For as long as I can allay her fears then all is well.
I was with my Dad when he died - We were alone together. In that awful moment of passing he squeezed my hand and was gone. In a nano second he was no longer my Dad but the shell that had housed him for those 78 years.
I don't know that there is an afterlife - I do know he is with me all the time - I can feel his presence even as I type this and jings it doesn't get a whole heap easier with passing years. I still miss him like crazy and now I need his help more than ever. Mum is scared she is going to die before she sees the new place and I think she may be right. Dad seems to be much more 'present' than he has been for a while - perhaps Im not an agnostic after all
Angels taking us by the hand, walk towards the light, the ghost of Christmas past, the Easter Bunny. What ever works for a dying person and there loved ones. I personally don't think our deaths are any more different, spiritual or special that that of road kill. So I'm "Cussing Heaven and Praying There Ain't No Hell", as the old song goes.
Most people die full of drugs, pain and dementia. We will see and feel all kinds of things depending on our beliefs, memories etc. If my Mom or Dad is seeing Angels on their death bed I will see them also and support anything that makes their death more comfortable and peaceful.
I haven't had any waking signs from my Mom. But I did have an unusual dream the other night. I was floating, it was almost like someone was holding my feet and showing me things. First I saw a bible verse and underneath it was signed by one of my aunts who is deceased. Then I saw my Mom and I was crying and said "I miss you so much" She looked really happy and said "I miss you too, but don't cry I am happy" Then I saw all these people all playing like children.
Throughout the dream I was aware it was a dream and kept thinking I don't want to wake up. I want to see more.
Windy if you are still on this forum and didn't leave like you said you would I would like to explain why I said what I did. Nowhere in my post did I put down your non beliefs. I said, if you want to reread my post was "you are entitled to your non-beliefs"
However comparing someones christian beliefs to that of the Easter Bunny etc. is kind of a put-down.
Granted maybe you were trying to be funny. I'll give you that.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Make of that what you will. Mom died peacefully in her sleep that night. I know what I make of it.
Hugs to you both.
John 14:1-4 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.”
A good, peaceful, gentle death is the main point.
What I do believe is that each person's last moments of consciousness are crafted by their upbringing, life experiences, and memories. As the brain loses oxygen, it processes less and less information until there is just light. And then there is no light. I understand death as a biological, physiological process better than anything else. I would never tell someone else that what they believe is wrong.
I believe and trust that the end of life process will do what it's supposed to. The processes to return my body to star stuff will kick in, and I will rejoin the universe in a completely different way. I don't need to hear there is a paradise waiting for me or the threat of permanent damnation. Who knows, I might go on to be part of a very exciting new planet or star!
You have a tough road ahead dear one. If she's already indicated that she is frightened, you're going to have to push your own fears aside. If she's afraid of being alone, tell her she won't be. You'll be there. There are a lot more conversations ahead of you. What you need to say and do to help her will become more clear as time passes. Stay with us.
In the twinkling of an eye.
I was with my Dad when he died - We were alone together. In that awful moment of passing he squeezed my hand and was gone. In a nano second he was no longer my Dad but the shell that had housed him for those 78 years.
I don't know that there is an afterlife - I do know he is with me all the time - I can feel his presence even as I type this and jings it doesn't get a whole heap easier with passing years. I still miss him like crazy and now I need his help more than ever. Mum is scared she is going to die before she sees the new place and I think she may be right. Dad seems to be much more 'present' than he has been for a while - perhaps Im not an agnostic after all
Most people die full of drugs, pain and dementia. We will see and feel all kinds of things depending on our beliefs, memories etc. If my Mom or Dad is seeing Angels on their death bed I will see them also and support anything that makes their death more comfortable and peaceful.
Throughout the dream I was aware it was a dream and kept thinking I don't want to wake up. I want to see more.
However comparing someones christian beliefs to that of the Easter Bunny etc. is
kind of a put-down.
Granted maybe you were trying to be funny. I'll give you that.
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