When I was very young, my mom began helping caregive for my grandmother. As years passed and she got sicker, she stayed with us more and more. It was very stressful on me growing up (I had 3 ulcers by the time I was 21) and it was hard on my parents and their health. I told my grandparents once that they were taking my mom from me because she was so sick and I felt it was in part to caregiving and the stress on her body.
Fast foward a couple of decades and my husband is going through a caregiving situation with his dad. This was a man who did manual labor, was independant but I told my husband: here are the signs to looks for and here is what you are facing. It has all unfolded like I told him it would. I learned from past experience what it takes to caregive and what it does to a family and rarely it is positive. My husband has opted for a nursing home for his dad. There will be no inheritance and that is fine. My FIL worked the house and income out and the money might as well take care of him in his old age. It is also safer and less stressful for our family.
I think I am one of the younger posters on here (43) but I wanted to ask: have you thought about where you will go or what you will do when you are in your parents or in-law's situation? My daughter is only 8 but I have actually sat many envenings and thought to myself, "how could I love this child so much and then ask her to give up life as she knows it, time with her children, possibly her job and take care of me?"
I read so many times about how parents took care of you when you were young and how you owe them but I would honestly hate to think that everything I am doing for my daughter now that I am setting up some kind of emotional bank account to call in the loan later. I mean there is honestly all the difference in the world between being in your 20's or 30's and taking care of a toddler who weighs a few pounds and being in your 50's or 60's and taking care of an often 200 pound adult who is strong enough to do some real damge with a hit or throwing a chair or in some cases getting hold of a firearm.
I have told my family that I am fine with a nursing home. I don't see myself as too good to go to one and if I end up on the Medicaid side, then that is the card I am dealt. I just can't stand the thought of my daughter pulling me, lifing me, rupturing herself (like my mom did) and ending up resenting me and having horrible memories replace the good ones.
Your thoughts/plans?
No one who can report back to us will ever have an answer either way.
I'm a realist. Life and death happens. I'm not afraid to die. I enjoy each day as much as i can and take things as they come. I don't think I have the right to expect more, IMHO.
Washington state...
Oregon...
Assisted suicide legal
IF you want it, it should be
I only advocate it for anothers if they wanted it when competent.
Why treat our dogs, cats & horses better than persons sick & in pain?
This is a good topic.
My sisters can't accept the fact of death and will allow the doctors to do anything. Their lives will be meaningless without Mother to take care of day in and day out. They make fun of my faith in God and don't allow any conversation that would involve Mother's wishes when her condition worsens.
It is so stressful and exhausting to live with this big elephant in the room. There will be no questions if I get to that point.
Nothing but meds to keep me comfortable and let me go in peace. Husband and I are in agreement on this and already have all necessary documents in place. We both like the idea of going in our sleep during our 80th year..lol.
My daughter is 22. It's my husband and her father who is starting down the ALZ road. She gets very impatient with him sometimes, but unlike me, she would like him to live forever. I guess I want him to live until he becomes incontinent and violent, and then pass away in his sleep. *sigh*
God bless you hon.
My mother is 95 and has lived with Sis for 40+ years. I would never have her live with me. It has been hard on her family and yet neither think there is any problem no matter what her family says. Mom comes first in my Sis's life. If it is ever up to me Mom will go to a nursing home/board & care. I can responsibly watch over her care w/out doing it. That's the way it is for my MIL and it is so less stressful.
My kids don't like to talk about it, but after each of them visit their grandmother, I have a quick but serious talk with each of them. If I start to get like her ( but I am not like her physically, emotionally, intellectually) they are to let me find a cave and I will go hide like a sick cat. I'm making my deals with God NOW. Adios , xo