My husband is 68 years, 13 years older than me. He is going blind, has confusion and some memory problems, we were told it is not dementia or Alzheimer's, heart problems and some minor problems with depression.
I have severe depression, fibromyalgia, migraine headaches and vertigo. I am also his primary caregiver. Because he doesn't sleep well I am unable to take my medication because I can't risk him getting into something that might hurt him. He also has issues with falling and if he falls I can't get him up by myself.
Not only am I putting him into a nursing home, but we are moving from Alabama, where we have lived our entire married life, to Ohio where all of my family lives. However, we will be leaving our 4 sons down here. Problem is they are no help in taking care of their dad. (They don't want me to put him in a home either.)
The home we are in is a double wide trailer and falling apart. Our one son builds houses for a living, but still does not help fix up our home so we can stay and still I am the bad guy.
I have also thought about moving into the home with him, but after visiting a couple of different places I can't do it. I have agoraphobia also. The thought of living in a place where you have little to no privacy nearly drove me to suicide. Two of my loving sons told me that I could not leave their dad in a place like that by himself so I would "just have to get over it." I hope that once we are up there and I can get back on my feet that I might be able to find a place for both of us where we can have live in help.
I confess that I can no longer make sure we both eat, get medication, have clean clothes and dishes, keep house or anything else a normal person should be able to do. There is no way I should be a caregiver who not only needs to do these things, but also help him dress, shower get from place to place (except at home) and occasionally feed him and help him in the bathroom. And as I mentioned before if he falls and no one is here or he can't crawl to something to help me help him up, I have to call 911 to get him off the floor.
Please, if this makes any sense give me some ideas. My husband cries at times thinking that I am going to take, dump and forget him even though I promise to visit daily or have family visit if I can't.
Also regarding the falling. What is the medical reason that he keeps falling? Again, he's too young for that to be the norm. Also, what is causing your hubby's blindness? Eye issues is a norm for one in their 60's and 70's. Depending on the issue, some can be corrected.
What other medical issues are there? From what you described none of those would warrant a nursing home.
I am confused when you wrote "I confess that I can no longer make sure we both eat, get medication, have clean clothes and dishes, keep house or anything else a normal person should be able to do." Could you explain more. You are only 55... my Mom did all those things in her 90's and she was legally blind and almost deaf and had mobility issues, and she helped my Dad who also had general age decline. I realize every case is different.
There has to be more to this story.
I know that there would be a lot of benefits to both of us living in assisted living, but then my husband would still expect me to do everything for him and as I said I need a break. Also, the agoraphobia (an abnormal fear of being in crowds, public places, or open areas, sometimes accompanied by anxiety attacks.) nearly kills me. Would he be better off in a place like that (hopefully only for a time) by himself with me and family visiting him or with me dead and only having my memories and the thought that pushing me to move into one of those places caused my death? People that don't understand mental illness may not be able to understand how frightening it is to feel cornered in a fight or flight situation where you are not willing to fight. I can fight for those I love, but not for myself.
As for why I can't take care of anything. I think it is because I am so burnt out and haven't been able to take care of myself properly. Also because two of our grown sons live with us. I have also told them what I do and what they could do to help with their dad. They make promises to do things, but never come through. I even explained that they really left me no choice, but still think that they could do a better job. We can't even live in our home because of the condition that it is in. I have even said about putting all the boys out and off the property, but my husband doesn't want to do that. I HATE confrontation, but I hate what they are doing to their dad even more. Depression runs in families and the two youngest boys are ours and both suffer some depression, the youngest has it worse. Depression is a very serious problem. (NOTE: This is a big problem in our country.)
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