My mom is paralyzed due to a stroke. Its already been more than three months since she had the stroke and was in rehab for three months with no sign of improvement. She can't do anything by her own. She needs assistance all the time and also she can't move or control her left arm. After the three months that she was at the rehab they sent her home and I was supposed to take care of her, but only if she could walk or stand by herself and she can't do none of those. I'm a cancer patient with a lot of side effects from the treatment that impede me to take care of her the way I would wanted. I need an environment where I can have peace and no stress and I can't have it while I'm taking care of her. I can't move my mom from the wheelchair to the bed without getting suffocated and tired due to my illness. I have to do everything for her from preparing her breakfast, lunch and dinner. I give her meds her insulin because she has no way of doing it herself, while I'm sick and feeling bad. I also have to change her diaper when she do both necessities. So far I don't see any signs of a prompt recuperation for her and due to my illness and under the advice of my oncologist I can't no longer take care of her. I have to brothers that refuse to get out of their comfort zone and step up to the plate and assume their responsibilities. They refuse to take care of her. I told my mom that due to my cancer and the way I'm feeling I no longer can take care of her that she needs to go into a nursing home. She gets very aggressive and combatant with me and argues with me and refuses to move out of the apartment. I'm already working with a social worker that is helping me find a nursing home, but due to my mom's refusal I'm in a situation that at this point I don't know what to do any longer and I would like some advices at respect and what can I do legally to make my mom move out to a nursing home?
Another question, did mom move into your apartment? Where did she live before that?
Most mothers would be extremely concerned about the health of a child with cancer. You say yours is combative. Is your mother in her right mind? Might she have dementia?
Your oncologist wants you to stop the caregiving. Of course! He or she wants to see you recover -- that is their mission in life! Would the doctor be willing to prescribe rehab for you? If you were in a facility where your meals were made, you had no laundry concerns, others looked after you, and you needed to stay there for a couple of weeks "to get your strength back," that would force the issue of mother's care. She couldn't be alone for even one day. I don't know how feasible this is, I'm just throwing ideas out there.
Is the social worker from your oncologist's office? What has she done so far?
Are you living with mother, or is she living with you? Where did you each live before the stroke?
A little more background might help our responses a bit. But this is a matter of life and death -- yours! You cannot go on this way.
What selfish brothers!
Keep working with the social worker. Are there funds for the NH, or will your mother qualify for Medicaid?
Keep us updated!
Call your social worker frequently. Follow up on everything.
Have Mom's doctor AND your oncologist call the social worker and emphasize the need to accelerate Mom's placement.
Pack some of Mom's clothes, undies, slippers, diapers and toiletries on the sly. In shopping bags and stash them in a closet -- if that's what it takes to keeps the task stealthy.
Make a list of Mom's meds and other essentials and have 2 copies of it: One with the packed clothes and one in your wallet or purse.
When a bed opens up at the nursing home, be ready to act fast. More easily said than done. Hence the pre-organizing.
If Mom falls or has any change from the status quo (and I mean ANY), call 911 to get her to the ER.
Follow the ambulance in your car. Call your social worker and your oncologist from the hospital parking lot. Do not enter the ER before you have spoken with both or left detailed messages. Tell them that Mom is in the ER and you need them to stop the hospital from boomeranging Mom back to you. (Tell your oncologist to prepare a written statement that you are unable to continue caring for Mom.)
In the ER, immediately tell the front desk and attending physician that per your doctor's advice, you cannot care for Mom at home. Give the ER staff contact info for your doctor, your social worker and mom's doctor. And leave.
Yes, leave Mom in the ER. Mom is unable to self-discharge and they cannot kick her to the curb. They will arrange temporary care, which will become residential care.
Good luck and stay strong. It's time to focus on your health and your recovery. Keep us posted.