I live with my mom who requires 24x7 care due to dementia and mobility issues. My older brother holds power of attorney for health and continues to avoid providing me with her after visit dr summaries. He also avoids providing notification to me when she has upcoming doctor appointments. I work full-time and my mom has an outside caregiver come to the house while I am at work. I had to take my mom to urgent care on Saturday due to bloody discharge coming from her ear. My brother took my mom back to her primary care doctor on Monday and the caregiver verbally let me know that her meds had changed. I was confused and sent a message to my brother for confirmation. He refused to answer my text. This isn't the first time this has happened. I am frustrated. The relationship between my brother and myself has become stressful for various reasons. I've stated to him over and over that while our relationship is not the greatest communication regarding my mom's health is important. I am looking for advice on how to deal with him. Thanks.
Since the caregiver knew the meds had changed, I'm wondering if she has any more insight into the visits. Does your brother share any information with her?
I'm assuming that your brother provides no care at all?
I think this is really an unsettling situation because there could be times when you need to have access to medical information. I'm not sure if your brother's refusal to share information might be considered a breach of his responsibilities as health care proxy, but I'm inclined to think he could be endangering your mother's health.
What are the caregiver's responsibilities, and does she need to have access to medical information as well to carry out her duties?
I honestly don't have any good advice though, other than to try to get guardianship, but that's expensive, and I'm not sure it would really solve the problem. Asking APS to intervene is another possibility, but you likely would have to convince them that his withholding of medical information is endangering your mother's welfare (which I think it is.)
One thing to try is to research your local area's law schools and senior centers to determine if they provide limited free legal advice. You probably wouldn't get detailed answers but might get some guidance on whether there are legal methods you could pursue.
Are there any other family members involved?
I hope others have some experience or suggestions as I'd like to know more about how to handle such a difficult situation.
Are you being paid for your services? If your mom requires 24/7supervision, you should be.
Are there simmering sibling rivalries between you two? You need to settle them, perhaps with the help of a therapist or mediator, for Mom's sake.