Our situation has changed rather suddenly. We just found out my dad has lung cancer, so he probably won't be with us much longer. I am taking care of him in his home, and I have a 10yo son and 6yo daughter living with me here as well. We plan to keep him at home on hospice. I would love to hear from other people who went through this with kids, if you have any advice about ways to portray this as a natural thing. They haven't expressed any fear or sadness yet, but when he starts to get really sick, I am not sure how it will be.
When my husband was dying, it was our kids and their cousins who were there all day his last day, as well as our grandkids, then 10 thru 14. We didn't really need to talk a lot, just let them share the love and care that was going on. I remember having the youngest of the grandkids at the hospital during my husband's last week (the nurses let us smuggle him in) , and his grandpa laid hands on him and prayed with him. That was 10 years ago and I'm crying, just remembering. And we never told the children to not cry. Just hug them a lot and they can comfort each other and you.
How they react to death depends on how YOU handle it. If YOU are going to be coming apart at the seams, so are they. If you can approach this with inner peace, so will they. If you have hysterical relatives, that's another red flag.
Protect the children FIRST. Hospice is not easy. You may think you are doing just fine, but the kids are throwing tantrums and wetting the bed and getting in trouble. They are simply reflecting what goes on around them, they pick up on the tension and grief without even knowing it. Use caution, talk it over with your Pediatrician first.