Hi Everyone,
This may be a bit of an odd post but I need some input. I'm 34 and single. Since the pandemic began, my mom has asked me to designate somebody as my medical power of attorney (she works in healthcare). I actually don't have one right now so probably a good idea.
I'm really feeling conflicted. My dad is 75 and is starting to have a few memory problems. Right now, he sometimes forgets where things are or he'll forget conversations. Not really sure if it's medication related, just normal aging issues, or early dementia. He goes to the VA for healthcare and he only has a nurse practitioner, not a doctor. He's stubborn about his own medical issues, so that doesn't help.
I'm really feeling conflicted about it. Right now, I'm leaning towards having them both listed but making it clear, they need to make decisions together. On the one hand, I don't want to create drama but.....
I have a sister that will be listed as secondary.
I'm just confused.
I'll talk to my sister and a friend. The state of Wisconsin has all the forms available online with instructions. I know my mom won't care who it is, she just wants it taken care of.
None of this occurred to me until my mom brought it up, cue panic when she said I could have her or dad or my sister do it. I'll have a conversation with my sister and a friend.
2. In the event that it is needed, it arguably should not be in the hands of people who will be sentimental about medical decisions. That rules out your parents (which is handy, because for other reasons they're not ideal); I don't know if it rules out your sister. It sure as heck wouldn't rule out mine, but then my sister is not someone I'd pick unless I wanted to be donated to medical science while still alive...
3. The person does not have to have medical expertise, they just have to be the sort of person you'd be content to put on a jury, say. Someone who is capable of listening to information and doing a fair average job of evaluating it, alongside implementing your stated wishes with common sense.
I don't know what field you work in, but do you have a friend or reliable co-worker you could suggest doing this with? - you do hers, she does yours sort of arrangement. As the urgent need - because I assume it's Covid that prompted your mother to prompt you - is short term, this might do the trick nicely.
Read through your state's guidelines on POLST and advance directives before you sign anything. They're often helpful in alerting people to issues that might otherwise not occur to them.
Designating my sister or a friend would be ideal. My mom has enough to deal with between my dad and 89 year old grandmother with dementia. The conversation started "You should really have somebody who can make decisions for you, you can designate me, your dad, or somebody else." Cue panic and me thinking "Dad forgets where stuff is all the time."