My 94-year-old dad has advanced Alzheimer’s. After my mom passed away, we kept him at home and had different people caring for him through the day and night. But we had to move him due to the house not being conducive for a walker in too many trip hazards. He also became more combative when anyone tried to get him to do something he didn’t want to do. He has been living in an assisted living facility for almost 9 months. He fell a few times at night in the beginning, so we have hired a private person to stay with him overnights when the staff does not check on him that often. He is in continent now and uses depends. He is now at the point where he wants to just sit and sleep in his recliner and very seldom get up to use the bathroom, even with help and go to dinner. He now uses adult Depends and gets aggressive at times when they try to get him up to go change him so the staff does not force him to do anything, and he may sit in his recliner in a wet depends for many hours at a time. We have been fortunate that he doesn’t have any sores. We kids are very involved, and at least one of us goes by every day and spend a few hours with him, usually at a mealtime when they are just bringing his food in to the room and setting it on a TV tray when he refuses to go to the dining room. We help him eat. He’s not verbal but does interact through different sounds and expressions. We are lucky if they can get him to allow them to give him take a shower at least once a week. But we still we can enjoy him and laugh with him, and he seems to be happy.
My question is, with his declining abilities. I’m thinking they will soon want us to move him into a true memory care facility. They haven’t said anything yet, but I’m thinking a memory care may have more staff to check on him, be more equipped on handling him and keep him from sitting in wet depends for so long. Does a memory care force the resident to get up so they can change him and shower him, even if they are combative? Do they use more medication to pretty much drug them, so they are more acceptable? What have you guys seen in the difference between a memory care and assisted living? Up to now we have really liked the assisted living facility. I just think dad is going to need more care soon. And then I’m wondering if we are still going to need to keep the private person overnight in the memory care Because dad likes to get up and walk around and we’re afraid he will fall? Or do they keep a better eye on the residents? What has your experience been between assisted living and memory care? Thank you so much.
The residents don't normally get any better care then they do in AL. They definitely use more drugs in memory care because it's often necessary when dementia worsens and someone gets more violent, aggressive, and combative.
If you've never been to a memory care (formerly known as a dementia unit) be prepared for the experience.
For starters memory care facilities, wings, units, whatever they're calling them are going to smell. I have never seen one that didn't stink of pee, crap, soiled bedding/clothing, and unwashed people.
They're usually very dingy looking if not downright dirty even when they are located within a rehab, nursing, or AL facility and the other areas are very clean and well maintained. The memory care parts usually aren't.
The residents in memory care usually smell and look like their hygiene isn't kept up on as well as it should be because it isn't. They also don't offer the level of baby-sitting services you may be expecting for people with dementia either. Residents wander into each others' rooms. They take each other's belongings. It is not uncommon for a resident to be wearing clothes that aren't theirs too.
Be prepared for what you will see and know that this is what memory care is.
If you have to place your father in one, keep that aide you hire privately for him.
Doe his current ALF have a wing that is for MC patients? If not, then I can see why they are "hanging on to dad". But if they do have a facility for MC I would guess you are close to their asking you about this advancement.
You are so correct that they are much better staffed in MC for your Dad. He may also qualify for Hospice care help and that is a help to the facility.
I am so sorry you are at the place for these decisions. I wish you the very best of luck.
My Mom was in MC 3+ years, passed in 2021..A lot of experience here. Bottomline, I would move your Dad to MC, keep your private duty nurse, bring Hospice in & put a camera in the room..The more “hands-on-deck,” the better..
Mom’s facility was very clean, but always short-staffed, under-paid. The good aides almost always started in MC, then moved to AL side..So frustrating!
Lmk if you want me to expound..You/family are doing great with your Dad. He feels your care & presence. ❤️😇🙏🏻
" ALF" Assisted Living Facility, has different level of care expectations defined; in other words , the patient is cognitively appropriate and can perform ADL needs etc.
Talk with the facility and they can give you the " level of care needs' description for each level of care. You may also want to go ahead and have the patient 's PCP provide an updated assessment of pt care needs so that you can be pro active instead of waiting for the facility to make the call. And, of course, start being prepared for the increased cost associated with " Memory Care" vs "ALF".
Practice good self care !
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