I am the sole care giver for my mother. She is 82 and 300 lbs in a wheelchair. I am 57 and 129 lbs. It is hard to push her around. My arm and lower back seem to be messed up from this. What can I do?
1. She will not push herself around
2. She will not lose weight
3. She will not look into getting a new wheelchair.
If my back goes out we are both in trouble. Any advice?
If yes, you may have to draw some hard lines. Why parents think it is okay to injure their caregiving children is beyond me. Sometimes you just have to say, I'm not going to do this any more, you need to do xyz or the end result will be professional care in a facility. Don't threaten, just make your wellbeing part of the care plan. She has to take responsibility for her wellbeing as well.
If she has dementia then it is up to you to decide what your deal breakers are. Sometimes we just need to be realistic and come to terms with the fact that we can only do so much before we are not using good judgment to protect our own health. Nothing personal meant, we all go there.
Regardless, you need to set and enforce boundaries and take care of you. You matter just as much as her.
if Mom’s cognitive abilities are ok, I wouldnfor sure have a heart to heart sit down with her and lay it on the line.
Get this poor lady into a facility and continue to love and take care of her there with the facility's help. She is simply too large and heavy for you to manage for long without hurting yourself. If you do get hurt, what's your plan then?
I really like SuzieFriend's idea of going to your own doctor, and letting his "orders" be the reason you can't do this anymore.
You only asked about mobility issues, but would you share what the rest of caring for your mother is like for you? Could it be time (actually, past time) to look into placing her in a facility?
Can you find a new wheelchair for her to be in that you can handle? Given her very high weight, perhaps an electric wheelchair or cart (if that's what they're called) is in order. Then, you don't need to push!
Have you seen a doctor and/or physical therapist re: your arm and back? I suggest getting it taken care of sooner rather than later.
I ripped and tore some tendons in my foot in Oct and am STILL in Frankenboot and using a wheelchair myself and still dealing with swelling and already have a bad back and I am no spring chicken. And I am not short or small, that has nothing to do with dealing with someone who is weighty and stubborn.
Lay down the law, surely you have some sort of ins. that will cover her having better wheels. If not, craigslist, offer up etc. are good places to shop for used ones. If she refuses to move herself once given the power to do so (or if she has dementia) time to give her a choice. You will do as I say or you can look at the ALF/NH brochures and pick one out. Sometimes, I know this sounds harsh, as I am dealing with someone with dementia but still has some of his marbles, I have to treat him like a 2 year old. NO YOU CANNOT HAVE YOUR FAVORITE TOY TILL YOU.......whatever..then I unplug the TV or internet service. (his favorite toys and passtimes) Or refuse to go to the store. Usually works in a matter of hours and he comes back to me in a much better more submissive and passive and agreeable frame of mind. If she still has enough sense-and obviously likes food, without it being abuse you can say, nope, sorry, can't go to the kitchen for you, I'm busy and be firm no matter what sort of tantrum she throws, I have learned the art of saying NO or NOT RIGHT NOW, or just closing doors (I have a cam system in the house so I know what is still going on). Now no we dont want to starve anyone but its not abuse if you know she has had, say breakfast and you delay lunch by a few hours just to get her to move herself. (That is if there is no medical reason for her not being able to move her arms and chair around the home.)
I think, and this is my 3rd time as a caregiver, that the biggest most important factor in surviving care-giving with some semblance of sanity, is developing the ability to say NO, being selfish, not just grabbing, but DEMANDING your own ME time (even if it includes security cams/nanny cams) and if you cannot say NO, you can say NOT RIGHT NOW. Its amazing what happens to folks (IF THEY ARE ABLE BODIED to some degree and not Veggie minded or truly medically unable to even try to help) when you say NO and set limits and boundaries. If they want something bad enough, they will figure it out. And in my case, even dealing with moderate dementia in my partner, it works.