My brother moved in with our mother in 2012 when he had no other place to live. She developed Dementia in the last few years and she could no longer walk and is legally blind, but he wasn’t taking care of her. She was paying all his bills and he wasn’t working. She was very thin and malnourished and falling all the time the house was very dirty and nasty. He would leave her by herself a lot. I have POA and I moved her in with me after she was in the hospital then rehab center. I quit my job to take of her a year and 1/2 ago . I have one other brother that never calls or anything. I pay all her bills and the bills down at her house that my brother still lives in rent free and utilities free. She told me since I had to quit my job to take care of her full time in my home with no income until next year, to use her money to buy groceries etc. I can get social security for myself since I will be 66 next year. I feel I should get something for taking care of her. She can’t do anything for herself anymore. I have a hospital bed in my home, I transfer her from the bed to wheel chair by myself, which isn’t easy at my age of 65. My oldest brother, which never calls, doesn’t see it that way; he thinks I shouldn’t spend her money for bills here. Shouldn’t I be compensated for giving up my job and income to step up to keep her from going into a nursing home? What happens if my health starts to fall?
If you have POA for her finances, you have an obligation to take scrupulous care of them and keep detailed records. You may have the ability to sell her house for her, which I'd do to keep your brother from sponging off her as well as protecting her assets.
You need to consult an elder care attorney to make sure you're doing things correctly, and he may be able to advise you on compensation. You're losing money if you take SS next year rather than later, and that should be compensated as well.
So your Mom lives with you in your home? And you currently pay for her OTHER home where the brother has lived for 18 years? I am not certain why you would continue to pay for that home. If you have a POA strong enough to allow you to sell your Mom's other home, that may be a good idea. Your brother will then have to find his own housing of course.
You could also work out a rental and care contract with your Mother for her stay in your home.
Do see an Elder Law Attorney to help you make your decisions on what is the best way to move forward. You can legally work out a payment for room and board for your Mother in your home and for her care, but this income would be then filed as income under taxes.
I think you need support and advice about the safest way to move forward, and while a Lawyer would take the Social Security money of your Mom for a month to find out the best way forward, that seems good use of the money rather than spending it on two homes, only one of which you and your Mom live in. Good luck.
My question would be what is Moms home worth? It might be best just letting it go. Might be best way to get brother out. If he is capable of working then he is capable to keep the bills up.
I agree that maybe a consult with a lawyer is a good thing since brother is considered a tenant at this point. Do not get yourself in debt for a brother who does not care. Moms money should be used for her care. Should not come out of your pocket.
that she has spent so much money on my younger brother for years now , but he doesn’t call her to even wish happy Bday or Mother’s Day or even call me to see how she is doing ,