My mom rarely gets off the couch. In December she got confused over her medication and took too much. Since then my dad has been pre-making the medication and putting them in baggies and handing them to her when the med is due. She continually states that he did not give it to her and she hasn't had it for days. It seems that the only medication she is really worried about is the Xanax. Is this a drug addiction or a fixation? We are lost as to what to do to get through this. She is very hateful, she can't even name her other medications or what time she is supposed to take them. She asks the same questions over and over again. She states she is a grown woman and can take her medication when it is due. But she really can't. Do you have any suggestions?
I expect she will still find things to argue about, I'm afraid. But it's just possible that if she has done this with her own fair hand, and you can say to her "look, mother, there's the sticker :) to remind you you have taken your 2 o' clocks" or whatever, she may get some reassurance about this one issue.
Now, about the Xanax. It is a sedative that has antidepressant properties, as well. People who are prone to addiction can get addicted to it. If your mother is not having something like panic disorder or agoraphobia, then Xanax may not be the best drug for her. Talk to her doctor about switching to Ativan. This may help with her drug craving.
Is there a way to cut back on her benzodiazepine (e.g. Xanax) use? It seems that if she is just sitting around being grouchy that she shouldn't need so much. Maybe you can see if you can get by with reducing the frequency of the pills. It sounds like your mother has memory loss. The Xanax can also cause memory loss. Cutting back as much as possible may help her some. (Don't stop all at once, though, since it can cause withdrawal.)
BTW, how old is your mother? If she is older, I wouldn't worry so much about addiction, but I would worry about a drug that adds to her memory loss.
Xanax is very addictive according to what I've read about it. Ativan is similar but not as strong.
It sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job considering the situation.
I ALSO AGREE WITH JEANNIE NOT TO WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT ADDICTION IN THE ELDERLY IF THEY REALLY NEED THE MEDICATION BUT NO EXCEEDING THE STATED DOSE AND STRONGLY DISCOURAGE any Dr from increasing the doseage when you feel your loved one is abusing. Did not mean to capitalize just hit the wrong button. The need for increases in pain medication is complicated because they do become less effective and pain does often increase rapidly at the end of life. The objective is to keep the patient as comfortable as possible and many factors can make that very difficult so be guided by your professional help and your own observations. Encouraging addiction is never right so if you are caring for a loved on with a painful condition it is important to learn as much as possible about the non verbal signs of pain as well as listening to your patient
Instead of a cell phone how about a pretty calendar, one with flowers, gardens, animals? She could consult that instead of a cell phone, which isn't as easy to use and handle.
If she's living at home, you could assist her by marking them off on her med list whenever she takes her meds. Make it a mother-daughter "Hallmark moment" when you take time out to just sit down and she takes her meds.
Put some of her favorite music on, have some tea or just plain water or something afterward, and turn what could be an unpleasant and challenging medicine administration task into a mother-daughter time for both of you to cherish.
I wouldn't worry about addiction either, except that the meds she's talking are for anxiety. They may lose their ability to keep her anxiety down over time. She may still have the ability to crave that relief from those pills. I would strongly encourage you to explore options of other anti-anxiety meds that work differently than the Xanax/Ativan meds. There are some that affect the brain in a different way and offer a more even, long acting effect. Ativan was not effective for my loved one, but Cymbalta was. I would discuss the options with her doctor.