My Mom (82) still lives unassisted with Dad. She is almost 82, and my dad is 78. They still live in their home unassisted. My dad has some health issues, Nueropathy, but my mom is relatively healthy. They are under a lot of stress due to money issues, and are in the process of selling a second home that they needed to sell years ago when they discovered they were upside down in it. It has been a huge finacial drain. My mom keeps making bad decisions about money, and continues to ask to borrow money from my brother and me. We have offered to help them with there money, but we want to see their bank statements because my mom also does day trading and we feel that she is loosing money in the stock market and wants the money to keep that going. She has yet to show us anything, but keeps begging for money, saying we owe her. She also yells, and has gotten more and more verbally abusive. She is also delusional and accuses my brother and I of talking and ploting about her. She is more and more irrational. After reading some of these articles, I am wondering if she has on set dementia. How do we get her to go to a dr. to get a diagnosis? How do we start those hard conversations?
No parent should ask their grown child for money. Her saying "you owe her" is just a cop-out for wanting your money. Tell her she has already borrowed all the money you have, there is no more to give. Just hope she doesn't try to refinance their house or get a reverse mortgage to satisfy her need to day trade.
About lending money -- just say no, that you don't have any extra right now. It sounds like you might be putting the money into a bottomless pit right now. It always bothers me when I hear a parent say that a child owes them so that they can maintain a life that is not working for them. I don't know how much you can do, since your parents are still legally competent. The most will be to encourage them to look for medical help and to invest more wisely. You don't owe them so they can throw money into the bottomless pit. I have a feeling that your mother will be reluctant to go to a doctor to see if she has dementia -- most of us wouldn't want that. However, you may be able to talk her into going for other reasons and let the doctor know about some of the things you have observed.