She says she wants to die, kill herself, she hates it there, hates the food, the other people are not friendly with her. She is a very outgoing person, but has been quiet lately. Either my brother or I (and husband) go visit her every day, each of us have full time jobs which makes it hard on us. My brother wants to take her out and move her with him and his wife. Can someone please advise me on what I should do to get her out. Do I write a letter and what should I say or meet with someone at the Assisted Living to discuss?
The person may have sleep difficulty and stay up most of the night. They may refuse to take medication or to get out of bed, leaving you with the task of changing diapers, linens, etc. all through the night. They may be combative and hit and curse you. They will often lose the ability to chew, swallow or walk. Handling things like this full time for a long period of time can really be stressful and most people aren't prepared for it.
I would have brother and his wife spend a couple of hours at a place who has people like that to see their tolerance level. Normally, things don't improve with dementia. The depression may improve, but that goes along with the dementia too. Good luck.
HCruz13, your brother needs to come on these forums to read all the different situations regarding caring for a love one at home.... maybe it will open his and his wife's eyes to what all is involved. Then and only then can the decide if this is the right move for them.
It may be that a medication adjustment could make a big difference. Still, with some conditions, such as dementia, you may have a person who isn't going to be pleasant and happy any more. It's sad, but true. The condition gets worse over time.
If your brother wants to move her in with him, I would just make sure he understands the work involved in care giving. It can be extremely time consuming, stressful and indefinite. It's a huge commitment. I wouldn't take it lightly. She may move in with him and still be miserable and by that time your mom may have lost her space at the assisted living facility.
Also there are countless threads on here about parents with Alzheimers making their caregivers lives miserable. Read through some of the threads. They obviously can't help it. Have your brother watch the Teepa Snow videos on Youtube. She explains how dementia affects behavior and it would be a good wake-up call for him.
You've taken the most important step to get your mom into a facility where she can get round-the-clock care from three shifts of people. Taking her back out again would only add more misery to everyone's life in my opinion.
If discontent rears its ugly head as soon as you arrive, tell her you'll be back when she is feeling better. Then leave. She will catch on quickly, she will see she can neither manipulate you nor play the guilt card. You do this and she will improve, you don't do this and the misery will continue.