My 85-year-old mother has been having memory 'gaps' and being very suspicious for approximately two years, but it has gotten much worse. Someone came into her house and 'stole' all her muffin pans and casserole dishes, women at church are 'out to get' her husband, my step-dad, and she pulls the drapes tightly closed at 4pm because she 'doesn't want people to know our business.' I had her internist give her a neurological test 12 months ago, 6 months ago, and yesterday. Her score is 22 out of 30. (worse than 12 months ago, but same as 6 months ago). She flatly refuses to take Aricept nor have an MRI. She becomes VERY defensive when we talk about her 'memory' and snapped that she would like me to find anyone else who is 85 who doesn't have the same problem. She states the only reason she 'forgets' is that she is stressed out. I have tried to remove all the stressors from her life that I can (i.e., hiring a lady to clean the house, finding out about grocery delivery, etc.,) but she continues to say that she only forgets if she gets rushed and stressed. She recently 'forgot' to pay her car insurance, and states that charges mysteriously appear on her credit card. However, she cannot 'find' the statements when I tell her that we can go over these. She also does not want to let me start paying her bills for her (my suggestion). Any ideas how to proceed here?
I'm not sure this is a consolation, but Aricept does not cure dementia and it does not slow the progression down. It does help some people, and it is a shame you can't try it with mom and see if she is one of the ones it helps. But that is what it is.
Read up on dementia. Learn what is common, and how people deal with these symptoms.
For example, the "people are stealing my things" is extremely common in some types of dementia. And it often becomes a vicious cycle. People are stealing from me, so I'll hide my nice eyeglasses. Hey, my eyeglasses are gone! I told you people are stealing from me! Sigh. Many and many a pair of glasses or hearing aides has been thrown up with an "empty" box of tissues.
The paranoia is common, too, as is attempts at isolation. Inability to handle finances is often an early sign of dementia.
Whether she accepts that she has dementia or not, the goal is to minimize its impact on her life. OK, Mom, your memory is about as good as other people who are 85, but you know what? Those other 85-year-olds let someone help them! Getting a little help organizing your finances is better than having your insurance lapse!
(Doesn't sound to me like she should have a car to insure. People with dementia should not be driving.)
Again, where is here husband in this scene?
I would be concerned about financial and legal matters. Do you have POA? Does she have a will, end of life directives? As she gets worse is someone going to be empowered to pay the bills and make medical decisions?