I am drained, at times, i go away fr the demands. is it ok to leave her by herself to talk, her eyesight is poor and she hallucinates, like talking to people non existence. I work, and when on weekends drives me crazy with her continuous demands the whole day. I have some part-time while i work, i just wanna do the basics like feed her 3 times per day change her diapers and just be living my own life then. is this ok?
Previously I would leave Mom in the care of a "companion" in order to go out in the evening once in a while. (Her behavior became too unpredictable to continue doing this and the fees too expensive.) Don't know what got her started on this but she would constantly go to the kitchen and get cookies after I left. Not a good thing to eat so close to bedtime in terms of digestion, especially sugar which is a stimulant.
Constant eating is hazardous to our health. The body needs pauses in between feedings in order to digest properly. Otherwise there's an accumulation of undigested food which weakens the body and leads to disease.
Mom wasn't sleeping enough. She was more agitated than usual. She'd always been tiny but gained weight, mostly around her abdomen. We had to get her new clothes. But finally, through trial and error, I figured out how to deal with the nervous eating.
1 -- A note was posted on the fridge listing times at which meals would be served.
2 -- In an effort to break the habit of constantly eating, I don’t prepare snacks for her any more. We usually have a cup of hot tea between meals and that satisfies her.
3 -- She can get her own snacks but we no longer have cookies in the house. She has ready access to Craisins and raw nuts.
4 -- Making sandwiches became inconvenient. The bread is kept in the freezer. (Waxed paper between the slices keeps it from sticking together.) We no longer have pre-sliced lunch meats on hand and the peanut butter was hidden on the top shelf in the pantry.
It worked. Meanwhile she became more sedentary and the weight has stuck. Certainly I’m in no position to judge someone for being overweight. But in her case, the 10 extra pounds makes it harder for her to get to her feet from a seated position. We walk together as much as she’ll tolerate and the size of her meals has been reduced as far as I’m willing to go. She’s 95, has dementia and would not really understand “going on a diet.”
Meanwhile she gets rave reviews from her doctor, still has her own teeth except for two and gets around on her own. So I would say we weathered the eating crisis well and hope you manage to do so too. Blessings all around.
And what AA7 said, it might be time to look for a NH. People like your mom will need 24/7 care, sooner or later. If you don't want your entire existence consumed with care giving...and it will be...start looking around now for help... There's no such thing as 'living your own life' after awhile, it just isn't possible, especially when the elderly person really starts to decline, and your mom sounds like she's at that point... She is going to need around the clock care, if not you, then it needs to be in a facility... No, there's nothing at all wrong with wanting to live your life, like normal people do... Unfortunately, with care giving that literally becomes literally impossible sooner or later...
The last weeks have been a nightmare. The pain pills work but then he sleeps. The seroquel for sleep doesn't work yet. We are constantly regrouping. My back is a mess from trying to keep him comfortable and I had to retire.
My husband and I took a break at the beach. I feel like I am finally getting a perspective...3rd day.
I had put him on the waiting list at the V A, but now I know we can't wait but so long. SO many sleepless nights. We are worn out. I truly feel like I have been through a war.
I think we all thought we did not want to put "Mama and Daddy" in a nursing home, but we have to take care of ourselves, too. I didn't know how exhausted I was until I got away for a few days. I'm still catching my breath. I think we have to think a little more logically and less emotionally. We have all done our best and, mostly, with little help from family members who don't get it. Rebuild your life. I walked on the beach for 2 miles yesterday. I used to run 5. It is time for us all to remember that we cannot loose ourselves. Peace.
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