my 85 yr old mother has alzheimers (but high functioning) and we finally got her a months respite at an assisted living. she started to run around at night, opening doors, then packing a suitcase and banging around during the day too. then the next minute she was ok, participating (somewhat), and lucid. when i went over to calm her, she was fine. but after 4 days i was asked to either stay with her 24/7 for the remainder of the month or hire someone! i took her back to her home (she lives alone, which is why we are trying to get her somewhere). Then I was told by the "community liaison", who had been getting to know my mom for weeks before this, that she isnt a good candidate for memory care (my next step) because of her behavior. i'm guessing they are not eager to deal with behavioural issues, and she doesnt want to see her drugged out there. Meanwhile, my brother got her neurologist to prescribe seroquel, but she cant self administer at night alone. I think a psych eval before i even pickup her meds is needed - and then rethink the next step. meds for anxiety? (dementia only facility? she is very healthy and active, no meds, etc).
Are you in the UK?
I'm a bit surprised you were told that memory care wouldn't be a good place because of her behavior although some memory care centers are small and don't want behavior issues
Seroquel also is used as a sleeping aid and I wouldn't think you would want her alone using it as it could put her at risk for a fall
My mom was not receptive to caregivers in the home and you really have to get lucky to find the right team to make it work
If you can find the right calming med then maybe you can try respite out again or find a different memory care facility
I personally think some residents at my mom's memory care would be so much better off at an assisted living facility than where they are now
She sounds like she is in a great deal of mental distress. I'd try to treat it immediately. ( Due to her behavior, the psychiatrist may wish to have her inpatient to get her medication adjusted. Not something to drug her up, but something to keep her even. As stated above, Seroquel is a sleep aid, I think.) That way, she would be stabilized when she either returns home or enters into a MC. After her mania is treated, I'd revisit what level of care that she really needs.
I wouldn't listen to the liaison said about Memory Care. Plenty of residents in Memory Care have challenging behavior. Their staff are better trained to address it there than in a regular AL. I'd check out the MC myself and get their information and entrance guidelines first hand.