I am the daughter who takes care of mom primarily after my father passed in 2011. She has always had a close relationship with MY daughter, and that is very nice. What is not very nice is that my mother cannot afford her house any longer, because she is constantly giving my almost 30 y/o money for car repairs, pays her insurance monthly and phone, her parking tickets, etc etc. My daughter unfortunately is a narcissist and because I do not agree with her tactics she has "ruled" that I am no longer to interact with her. This gives her free reign to drain my mother's bank accounts... while I do everything I can on my end to help my mom understand WHY she is always $1000 behind a month. Is there any valuable advise that someone can share?
Some suggestions:
Call Adult Protective Services to investigate for financial abuse of a vulnerable elder. Ask your mom who she wants to have handle her financial affairs; get her to an Eldercare attorney to assign SOME responsible adult as PoA. Get your a referral for a neuropsych evaluation to see to what extent she is competent to handle her own affairs.
Your daughter has rule that you can't interact with her (your daughter?) or your mom? NO ONE who doesn't have guardianship can tell you that you can't interact with your mom.
Is your mom able to understand that she cannot afford to be giving your daughter money? If not, you have a great case to become her guardian or get financial power of attorney to protect her assets.
My children are all around that age. I don't pretend that I like everything they do, or every choice they make, of course not. But I can't imagine taking their exploitation of a grandparent lying down, if they were ever to do such a thing.
I'm not suggesting that the OP should prevent the granddaughter seeing the grandmother at all, and I agree that the older lady has a perfect right to see whom she pleases and to do as she pleases with her own money, assuming that she is competent. But the OP describes herself as her mother's main carer for five years. That must count for something. Not least, it implies the OP's gradual assumption of responsibility for her mother's welfare over a significant period of time. To suggest that she can safely sit back and say oh woe is me but what can I do... I don't think it's a good bet. I think she would be implicated in the financial abuse if she allows it to continue unchallenged.
So challenge it. Loudly.
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