My mom had mid-stage dementia and lives with me. She has a miniature pincher and lives for Molly, her dog. It's a constant question of "has she been fed", "what was she fed", "who fed the dog", over and over about every 10-15 minutes. If we tell her Molly has, then she argues with us because she doesn't remember. If we tell her to feed the dog and Molly doesn't eat (because she's already eaten), mom will stress over her being sick and upset. We've tried charts, which my mom won't believe because she thinks we hate Molly and wish she would die. I'm at a loss as to how to deal with the constant repeating. Mom doesn't like to leave the house because she's afraid Molly will get upset. I love dogs, but I'm getting frustrated with this one due to the issues she causes me. Molly could be a nice dog, but my mom dotes on her to an unhealthy degree. My Mom has said that she would die without Molly and she is the only reason mom doesn't kill herself. How do I deal with this situation? I would love dearly to get rid of the dog. I have an older dog of my own and the constant feeding of Molly creates friction between the dogs. Molly is fed in my mom's bedroom, but my dog will lay outside her room to try and sneak in to get the food that Molly doesn't eat. It's a constant watching the dogs, and the questions about feeding Molly, and I'm tired.
She had to have the cat within her sight at all times or she would freak out. She was constantly worried that the cat would escape the house through a crevice the size of a pea. She also would beg me to buy her 10 cans of cat food every day, even though, she already had over 50 in her cupboards. It was quite disturbing, as it was apparent that the cat, though loved, was causing my LO more pain and anxiety than pleasure. I knew the cat was unhappy, because she started spraying and not using her littler box. At some point, the person with dementia is so obsessed that they cannot be comfortable.
In my situation, I was able to have my LO placed in AL. She was okay with me looking after her cat while she was there getting her health back. Once there, she forgot about the cat. I could barely believe it, but, within a couple of weeks, she never mentioned the cat again. I will say that all of that obsession transferred to people and she would be overly concerned about people's welfare to the point of crying. She was placed on Cymbalta for anxiety and depression and that type of behavior faded. She's content now and doesn't worry, chew her nails or stress out over things.
I might discuss this with your mom's doctor and inquire about medication. It might help her anxiety level and let her relax regarding her dog.
I would not leave her alone though. Except for the early stages, it's quite risky, imo.
If she continues with her behavior, the only thing that I can say is to watch her constantly and prevent her from overfeeding the dog or unintentionally harming the dog. At some point, the dog's welfare has to be considered though. Be assured that the person with dementia will forget about it, so, it will not be something that they will miss long term. It can work out.
My second thought is that "this too shall pass." With demensia, each stage has it's own challenges but they all pass eventually. Once you come to terms with this, the "dealing with it" gets a little bit easier.
You may want to read some information about validation by Naomi Feil. Good luck.
For me, it wasn't something that I could just let go on and hope it worked out. I learned that I could not believe what my LO told me regarding how she cared for the pet. She imagined things that were not real, forgot things that were crucial and was not responsible enough to care for a pet.
ErinM60,
I would certainly NOT allow a person with dementia to be in charge of an electric collar for a pet. That could be extremely dangerous for the dog and could result in criminal charge regarding animal cruelty. And if a pet needs vet care and doesn't get it, that's a major issue too. If I was not able to intervene to protect the dog, I'd report it to someone who could and I would treat it as an emergency.
If you think of dementia as being a broken brain, these kinds of obsessions and agitation are sort of understandable ( it doesn't make them any easier to live with!) My mom spent last summer telling us she had leprosy, weeping and wringing her hands. Wouldn't let tell great grandchildren visit.
Sometimes, meds for depression and/or anxiety can help.
Meanwhile, though, since you can't easily make things worse than they already are, one additional related source of concern you can do something about; and that's the dog's diet. Remove the food from your mother's bedroom and insist that both dogs in the household share mealtimes together in a more appropriate place. There will be a heck of a row about it, to begin with certainly. But at least it will make a change from the churning discussion about whether or not the dog's eaten; plus it will allow you to ensure the dog is being fed consistently and properly; plus it will remove - eeuw! - dog food and detritus from your mother's sleeping quarters.
How about, getting some soft throw toys for your mother so that she can play with Molly instead? Or one of those puzzle balls with treats inside, even?
Keep the doctor in the loop about the dog obsession; it's clear that this could make or break her ability to be cared for at home.
Treats all day. We do walk him and my dog daily. I think it's because in her case, he is her constant companion. She repeatedly tells people how smart he is and he is "super dog". She told my friend he's learning to count. Well good for him. lol. He's older. He has some gum issues. To avoid a full cleaning , vet prescribed a gel that I use daily on effected teeth. It's not hard to do. He's too old for full dental cleaning where he would be under anesthesia. My mom can't or won't do it. She doesn't even bring it up. I don't think her dog would be getting the care he needs if she didn't live here. She can't figure out how to take invisible fence collar off and how to put his leash on when we go on walks.
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