Mom has found a "boyfriend" at assisted living.
I have been posting in these forums for a few years now journaling the problems and solutions we have encountered while caring for our now 91 year old mother. I think I may have written a short book by now and just when I feel that we have jumped our last hurdle another one pops up. I may be taking this event way too seriously but I'd still like to air out my concern if in fact there is one. My sister and I never thought our mother would actually adjust to assisted living as well as she did. It took a full 3 months of guilt and agonizing over whether this was the right thing to do. Then, it seemed almost overnight, mom stopped calling us 12 times a day and when we visited (which was every day) she stopped begging us to get her out of there. There was a man, George, sitting at mom's dining room table who suddenly took an interest in mom. We would come in and find them sitting together in the common room and whenever there was an activity, they would be there together. George is 85 and doing quite well on his own without a walker. He is very attentive and makes sure mom is getting up and down the halls safely. Then one day I pulled into the parking lot and saw George and mom sitting on a bench in front of the building. He had his arm around her and she had her head on his shoulder. I nearly drove into a tree. A few days later, I came into the common room and there they were happily holding hands. The head nurse called my sister and let her know that George and mom were quite chummy and wondered if we had any feelings about it. Between my sister and I we agreed that we had never seen mom happier and that we should just let them alone. They both have dementia, but it doesn't seem to affect their desire to be together. I just wonder how my mom will react if something happens to their relationship. What if George leaves the facility or decides he likes someone better? He is known to really like the women. Who would have thought that stuff like this goes on in a place where people just sit quietly alone and are barely able to amble along on their walkers. I have resolved just to be happy that mom is smiling and happy to be part of a couple again.
Then you will probably start getting the 12 calls a day again. Must be nice to be 91 and a cougar.
I wouldn't do a thing about it unless they started wanting to get married. Then I'd try to have some sort of "arranged" marriage that required much less paperwork and possible repercussions. Wait, they may call that a prenup? I hope George's folks are good with it. I remember the Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's story. Her husband fell for another woman while in a Alzheimer facility. I think she was quoted as being thrilled that her husband was "relaxed and happy".
I think this is a very touching story of companionship and mutual support at a time of life that can so often be terribly lonely. I understand your anxieties about the 'what if' aspects, but then that's life isn't it? Your mother's getting an extra chapter of life. I hope it turns out to be all good for her.
I wish this for my mom too at her AL!! Just so it's not her ex-husband, my dad who lives there also! Ha
Thank you for giving me a big smile today, I am happy for you and your sister AND your mom!!!
In case you are worried that he could move or get sick. I'll just say that my LO, who has dementia, was very attached to her first roommate in MC. The woman was much older and looked out from my LO like a little sister. I couldn't ask for a better roommate, but, sadly, the lady took a turn for the worst and had to leave. I read that she recently passed away. My LO didn't talk about it, but, I think she did miss her, however, she rebounded and now she does not seem to have any memory of her.
Sounds like you have a good plan!