My mom is 89 with dementia. I recently started caring for her in my home. I'm with her 24/7. She's getting so dependent on me that it's driving me nuts. She acts like she doesn't know how to do things -- expecting me to do it for her. If I tell her she can do it she gives me that sad puppy dog look. She doesn't want to participate in anything and makes me feel like I'm suppose to entertain her. She can't stand it if I'm in a different room in the house. She thinks I'm suppose to be in the same room with her at all the times.
If I need to go somewhere and someone is here to look after her she starts acting all scared. I tell her she'll be just fine and she says shes not. She tries to keep me her security blanket. Help!
So, first of all, my mom's forgetfulness was stressing her out and she was getting really needy. She was so afraid to forget things that we stopped thinking for herself, basically. It was truly hard to balance what I should do for her and what she should do for herself and, at first, she wasn't all that cooperative about it. But, she's starting to realize that, in her own words, she'd "become a big pill." She's now making more of an effort.
But what someone told me in my own post in a different discussion in this forum is to get someone to evaluate her abilities. I have not done that but I'm telling you that might be something to look into. I can't remember if the right person is calling something like a neuro-psychologist -- I really don't remember the term. But maybe someone like that can help you determine what things you really do have to do and come up with strategies for it.
Here's something kind of amazing that just happened to me, yesterday:
First, I should add that Mom moved-in just one week ago. We were lucky to get her a doctor's appointment with her new clinic for yesterday. It's a geriatric clinic that does the full range of care and, while her internal medicine doctor did probably do a great job for her, I think she needs something more rounded, now. She wouldn't have changed doctors if she wouldn't have moved, so that was what I call a real opportunity.
Anyway, we were there for hours for this first visit, but it was well worth it. They even had social workers come and talk to her. And, here's the special thing that happened -- having an outsider speak with us really made a difference. My mother did admit to the social worker that she's basically almost stopped living.
While I do have a good rappor with my mother and she does kind of admit her faults and cooperates with me, even with our strong rappor, it was worth having a third party who understands these situations speak with us.
The social worker asked Mom, "Do you feel useless?" and Mom, after some thought, realized that she DID feel useless. And, she finally realized she kind of did it to herself -- stopped doing things she saw as useful.
Anyway, once again, not trying to say this is your situation at all, since my mother still does have her faculties, just wondering if there's any kind of third party that could give some new strategies or some helpful interference in the situation.
and yes, it can drive you crazy. your caregiving gig will not last all that long so id suggest learning all you can about dementia then do a job youll be proud of later.
I think it's time to start looking into some NH's.. I hate to do it. She has tried several medications for her anxiety attacks, they all make her so sluggish.. I am fearful that if she ends up in NH she'll be like that all day...
I can't talk with her about her behavior because she can't comprehend anything regarding this behavior, she'll just turn it around to be my fault.. Ugh!! Maybe it's just been a very stressful few days!
I dealt with my mom as long as I could. In the end, the last 3 months of her life, I had to get her into a facility. I just couldn't deal anymore. My doc said I was on the verge of a stroke and something had to give. When it gets that bad, do what you have to do, even if it tears your guts out. And it will. I felt damned if I put my mom in a facility and damned if I didn't. There is no easy street in the care giver role.
Try to educate yourself about it.. Search the internet , search this site. The more you know about this disease the more you'll understand what your Mom is going through.. You have to remind yourself daily in that she isn't acting this way to annoy you. It only gets worse so I try to educate myself about what's coming next as this dreadful disease progresses...
Most important "take time for yourself"!!!