When I tell her that she needs to take he cane with her to the store she fights against it but then the next time she will suggest it and its a good idea. Ask her if she knows where something of mine and every answer no matter what is I don't know and then I find it down stairs on her table. She also blames the animals on lots of things like turning my bathroom faucet on and it running over so much as to go all the way to the basement but the dog jumped up on the counter and turned it on. When I am sure what happened is she was giving the dogs some water and forgot and left it running. Tell her to stop wearing shorts cause she is always cold but she tells me she has to wear shorts. Ask her to straighten out the pantry which I was over half way done with it and she just took and threw everything back in with no rhyme or reason. Do they not understand anything any more or is she trying to get sympathy or at least get out of the chore. Its mind boggling to me how she comes up with every excuse to get out of something I ask her to do. Is this normal? I would love to hear any suggestions on how to handle this behavior.
(Somebody mentioned her husband's stroke. My husband also had one, and the effects are mostly cognitive. Stroke is a different beast -- improvements *may* still be possible for many years afterward. Or not. Everybody's different. I *can* and do discuss things with my husband, and we can usually resolve them in some way -- which is something I would not even attempt in the case of dementia.)
something you said touched a nerve for me as It reminded me of some things that made it so difficult to accept it actually was the dementia not the behaviors I was used to all our life! it is this, there are things she does, that I tell her not to do enough that she does not do them in my presence....which to me was saying she has the control....she knows what she is doing.... or I walk in and catch her doing it she hides it, and if questioned denies it.....but
but someone gracefully pointed out Loosely translated thru these memory failures she loves and respects me and when I am present she is reminded of what I ask her to do.
It kinda made sense, made me feel better, anyway!
We personified my husband's dementia. We called it Lewy. (It was very helpful to me that he was aware of his disease. My mother isn't. It makes a difference.) We both could get disgusted with that darn Lewy. When he got discouraged over his bad days I'd say, "Lewy is especially nasty today. Maybe tomorrow will be better."
It really is helpful to realize our anger and frustration is not about the person we love, but about what is happening to them.
rollingstone/music/videos/glen-campbell-shares-poignant-last-music-video-im-not-gonna-miss-you-20141012