82 yr old mother just diagnosed with cancer, in and out of dementia, lives at home with CGiver (Mom's POA that she shares with her son - her local family). I'm CA, Mom TX.
After years of very bad emotionally driven financial decisions, Mom is now down to no extra money and no savings. Yes, monthly pension but expenses cut close. This month she called while in hospital to make partial payments on credit card. She can't afford interest.
My husband and I don't want to support her bad continuing expenditures. I've asked her CGiver to control the checks (all other necessities are credit card, autopay), but bad expenditures (for over 10 yrs) by Mom are to CGiver's son. Remember, both are Mom's POA.
SUGGESTIONS?
What are CG and son being paid for their services?
Do you know why Mom has been "giving" money to the son? Is it gifts? Is it in payment for extra things he has done?
It was her money. She has done with it as she's liked. Running out is the consequence of her own behavior.
It sounds like you have decided that you will protect her from the most drastic consequences of her decisions. That is fine. You can decide exactly where you want to draw the line. She has made her decisions about her money. You can make your decisions about your money.
You legally can do nothing. And she doesn't want your help. Bow out of the financial arena, except to the extent you've decided to rescue her in the future.
Keep giving her your love.
If your mother is left with no resources, she will be eligible for Medicaid, which will pay for a facility, so she need not be "out in the cold". I totally agree that you and your husband should not finance her irresponsible expenditures. It will be interesting to see what the CG and sons do once the money runs out. It seems unlikely they will donate their services. I do think you need to make a plan to deal with this. At the rate the money is disappearing, your mum will need some help. With the advie of the agencies mentioned, draw up tentative plans for your mum's help should she need it, and then wait for things to unfold.
I have POA but my mother makes all her own decisions still. In my mind, she has made some unsound decisions with her money, though, over all, she does well. She has asked me and my sister for money, to help with her expenses, though she can still cover them, and will be able to for a number of years as long as she does not make foolish decisions. I have refused. I am 76 and have to protect my resources as I age. She lives in an upscale ALF, in a 2 bedroom apt and could move to a one bedroom unit and save money. However, eventually her capital will run out, if she lives long enough, and she would be left with a couple of small pensions. Then I would be faced with a similar situation to yours. As I understand it, where we live (Alberta, Canada) there are facilities available to people with low income. She would have to live in one of those.
Good luck and keep in touch. ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
This is the day I always dreaded. I just never knew it would come with a difficult health related diagnosis at the same time. Almost impossible to speak to someone who remembers nothing from one day to the next AND is in the fight for their life - but not even sure about what they're fighting for? I've approached the CGiver about taking over the check writing, but we both know she must stand up to Mom, to whom she's ALWAYS said yes (she can't get past employee to nurse/CGiver) and/or the son - should he step in.
The main thing is that your mother gets the care she needs. My prayers are with you. Let us know how your visit goes.