I am here most days and nights, I do all the shopping cooking etc....no help from anyone.
I go to a friends 2 nights a week after 9pm until next morning then im back before mum wakes.
She is early stages and still is very lucid although still not very safe on her own but I have no choice its the only break I get and without this ill crack. I have no car and my friends house is only 15mins walk away she has his number my number emergency etc... even neighbour down the road?
She is now getting abusive when i go out and calling me all sorts I just cant take anymore she does not want to be on her own but heres the thing my bro lives down the road IS WILLING to stay over if im not here BUT she wil not hear of it she screamed at me if you call your brother ill kick you out on the street?
How much more can I take now she dosnt want me to have a life but if shes scared on her own why wouldnt she want my brother here???????????????? just fed up here and really want to get away from this crap she needs to be in a NH where shes looked after I cant be here 24/7 its soul destroying.
When im away it looks like she hasnt slept how on earth is she going to cope on her own which she maintains she will???
You know she has no valid reason or right to deny you some free time, but it's her dementia screwing with her brain and telling her you are going to abandon her. She is simply afraid, and she probably feels that your Bro can't take care of her as well as you do (but probably will never admit to it). I think her screaming is a lot of hot air, but if she does try to kick you out, just stay by your Bro for a few nights and call her during the day to see how she is doing - does she need any help - she may simply forget the whole incident by the next day. I think repetition is the key - you and your Bro need to present a united front as a team. When she understands that she is not going to get her way no matter how much of a fuss she makes, she will probably accept it. Blessings and Good Luck! (Let us know how it goes)
Have your brother sleep over the nights you go out. Maybe Mom won't even know, if she sleep through the night. Maybe she will have a huge fit. In any case, you NEED some respite.
I think that orangeblossom has given you some good suggestions.
And it is probably a good idea to start looking for a memory care unit for Mom. She may not need it immediately, but it is better to be prepared.