She is belligerent to me. help! I have reached out to Alzheimer's Society, and they arranged to have her tested by a geriatric nurse, and psychiatrist. My mother is quite able bodied, but very angry and mean spirited towards me, and others at times. Since losing her license, she expects me to be her taxi service. I am exhausted from all of this. She has so much to be thankful for, but all she does is whine and complain. I am on my own, and struggle in many ways. I feel depleted of trying to be the good daughter. I don't know what to do at this point.
You might want to have her seen by a geriatric psychiatrist, to treat her depression.
But if she really is in the earliest stage of dementia then physical defects in her brain may be contributing to this problematic behavior.
Either way, it is not your responsibility (or within your power) to satisfy her, or to make her happy.
Taking a taxi or signing up for senior transportation are fine options. And really, they give her more independence than depending on you does. As long as she retains the ability to do these things safely she should be encouraged to do it. She gets mad? She sulks? She tries to play the Guilt card? All perfectly within her power to choose. But just be sure you do not agree to play the guilty role.
She gets a personalized trip to shop once a week? If she rejects that, would your granddaughter be available to take me out? I'd settle for twice monthly! (I hate the heavy chore of grocery shopping.)
Paranoia is extremely common in early stage dementia. The person if afraid of having things stolen. Often she hides them to keep them safe, then forgets she has hidden them and now really has "evidence" they are stolen. Sigh. It is common, but not enjoyable! Generally, treat the loss with sympathy and don't argue about the stealing. "Oh, I'm so sorry your favorite reading glasses are missing. That is really too bad. Let me help you look for them a bit."
It sounds like Mother is living in a very suitable environment that should be appropriate for some time to come. It sounds like you are looking after her health concerns. Even her great-granddaughter is in on the helping act. Mother is very lucky indeed, although it sounds like she isn't of the personality type to acknowledge that!
Be sympathetic.
Don't participate in pity parties.
Don't accept the guilt card.
Set your limits yourself. Don't accept the role a mentally impaired person insists on for you.
Continue in love.
For many people having driving privileges revoked is a hugely traumatic event. My husband always said it was the worst part of having dementia. He mourned his limited edition Miata for a solid year.
Let us hope that Mother's belligerence eases up and she eventually comes to accept this huge loss in her life. Be sympathetic. Be patient. But be firm in setting boundaries about what you will do for her and how you are willing to be treated. It is OK to say, "I see that this isn't a good time for you. I'll talk to you later today and hope you are feeling more cheerful then."
Anyway, thanks for your input. It really does help to share, vent and hear other people's experiences.
Thank you for posting. I appreciate hearing from others. My mother is now "mad" at me...she will not talk to me because she said I am not "sympathetic" about the driver's license being taken away. She is also very paranoid...thinks people are taking things from her place, and at one point, she said the RN from CCAC had used her phone to make long distance calls to the license bureau. It's just getting out of control!
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