I live with her and my 83-year-old father. My concern is that I have no legal right to make decisions - financial and health -- for her. Since I live with them both, work full-time and pay a caregiver out of pocket it is a concern as I keep getting asked about POA. Since a POA requires competency, is my only option to go to court (very expensive) and apply for guardianship?
Do you have POA for dad?
I guess it's really a question for a lawyer; you should certainly get poa for dad. If their funds are held jointly, then dad could issue payment for her care, I believe.
I'm one of those kids. I'm 60 years old. I SHOULD be winding down on working, right? Mom has just enough money not to qualify for any government benefits. Her memory care facility just raised the rent again and now she can't afford to live there. After being there for 2 years, she's comfortable with the caregivers. I really don't want to change her situation, so, instead of keeping my 3 day a week job, I got a full time job. I'll be paying part of her rent, toiletries, diapers and clothing. It's what I need to do.
What are the other options? I would have to show the feds that she had spent her money (probably not too hard to do) but, if they're paying for it, they would take her out of the place she's in and put her in a double room at another facility. She is a very private person and lived alone for 30 years. She also did not have any "girlfriends" as an adult. It would NOT work well to force her to cohabitate with another woman in the same room. So, I'm willing to work more so she can live out her last months or years the way she would want to (having a private room in a small facility). Am I stupid? Maybe, but I can live with my decision.
As her husband, wouldn't your dad be her POA/spokesperson? If you were his POA, and he could no longer function as her decision maker, then, I would think you could make decisions for him to help her. However, best to get it in writing from an elder law attorney. Check the senior centers. They often have referrals to no-cost elder attorneys. We got one for a small donation ($20.)
Let me just say this about the comments on "ethical notaries" and our massive life and death struggle to help our parents. One word: TOUGH. Tough for us, tough for them, tough for the world. It is very nice to believe we have these ideal circumstances, but I believe you will find a sympathetic notary who gets it, and understand the extremely difficult position you are in, will notarize it, and MOVE ON. The people giving you a hard time on this know better.
Then after you have this in place, and you are able to fully help your Mom, then try to get the same POA for your Dad. Don't wait if you can.