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She takes only Namenda XR 28mg and Lisinopril so her refusal to most types of personal interaction or any mental stimulation is frustrating. As her caregiver and son I think I must face the reality of the devastation of this disease as she will not partake of any activities she once did. Is there anything else I can do to get her physically or socially engaged?

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And with so much pain, who can blame them to not want to do much, really?
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Hi just reading your comments understanding that alot of medication is making our parents withdraw and opp out alot of physical activities My story is pretty long so ill just go into long story short I too take care of mom 94 yrs young myself, hubby and my 3 girls at home and i still work full time and hubby is retired police officer my 3 siblings 2 out of 3 say their to busy to help and the other lives out of state. Anyhow mom has dementia its been 7 yrs well about 3 yrs ago after a her stroke it got worse and noticed they had her on Namenda and xanex and some awful drug making her lethargic and sleeping and withdrawn most of the time. A neighbor who happens to be a neurologist mentioned looking into marijuana I said heck no! BUT...then started doing my research Well i took her off of all that pharmaceutical crap and now give her CBD marijuana chocolate bar a piece every 6-7 hrs and Wow! I have my mom back shes eating she's conversating ,laughing takes small steps with assistance its a mircle herb. Cbd has no thc so she is not high in the head just a body high also found out it helps tremendously with the dementia I've done extensive research and even in Isreal in the nursing homes they give marijuana so they have a quality of life and laugh and sing and play cards. Just a suggestion But please do your research. No im not a Dr. But i am a daughter who didn't want to give up on her .
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With my mother, I have found that she does better with appointments outside the home. Going to a personal fitness trainer once a week for an hour together is one example. Having that structure encouraged her and helped her physically a lot. Staying away from the medical model (Physical Therapy) has been important in being able to engage her. PT made her feel gloomy and dominated. The fitness trainer was doing with her as she did with anyone, there was upbeat music and she was part of a small group (me and my housemate). Think of what your mom liked doing in the past and find tutors or small classes/groups in the community who can include her as one of everyone...painting, pet walking groups, family reunions, spaghetti dinners at church, grandparents day at the school..etc. My best to you.
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My Mother was never a really physically active person but I find that if I dress her up and she looks like a million bucks she is more interested in going out. we talk a lot about does she want me to keep her engaged in life with my planning movies, dinner a comedy show or other rather sedentary activity and she agrees that once I get her up and dressed and actually out of the house she enjoys it and has a good time. It is just the actual act of getting her up and out that is the issue, I also start getting her excited about what we are going to do the day before. Most of the time it works but I know some day it will stop. A very sad thought but I will try until she just plain won't or can't. That's my job as her daughter keep her vital and relevant for as long as God allows.
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Could you possibly get a radio on a timer to play for a few hours a day? My Mom's hearing is very bad and she finally managed to hide/throw away her hearing aids so many times we have really lost them now, so music doesn't work for her anymore, but if your relative's hearing is intact, you might consider an auto off/on radio station to oldies music, or a CD of her favorite tunes. Otherwise, not much to do for this...we have the same thing going on, too.
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My husband is staying in bed more and more of the time, too. I do get him dressed and out the door to see our son's family at least once a week where he still plays pool with his son. This activity seems to be very significant for him, and he talks about winning the game all week until he can play again. When the time comes to go to their house, he often says he doesn't want to go, but will get dressed with help and by the time his shoes and coat go on, he's ready to go outside. At home he barely can tolerate 2-5 minutes of short videos on Youtube, no full length shows, but when he is with his son, he can stay put for a whole episode.He especially likes to watch videos of Rita Hayworth dancing. He always liked jazz and will be able to tolerate waiting for me to prepare the meal if a peppy tune is on the radio. If a lot of family are present for a holiday meal, I give him a Xanax 1/2 hour before getting dressed and then he can stay in his seat for the entire meal and is sociable to whoever is present, shaking hands and wishing them well. At home without Xanax, he has sundown episodes of cursing and getting aggressive. It's a rollercoaster life that you must learn to adjust to.
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It is that a loss of what, why and how to exercise and not a negative feeling. The key to helping the elderly with dementia is somewhat easy. The key is to look back over the persons life and find the activity which provided them with happiness and calm.

Perhaps the person enjoyed dancing. This lending itself to exercise and socialization. It does not matter if the step are not quite right or the rhythm is lost in the activity. What is most important is providing this person with exercise and socialization. This activity can be reproduced at home, in a senior center or many other venues.

Perhaps the person suffering dementia has an activity of gardening. To facilitate this activity it will require some out of the box thinking. Are there areas of your yard or balcony which will lend themselves to this activity. Next it is important the planting and care meet the person's heigth. Look for ways to put the pots or gardens at waist height for the person. This will make it easier and far less worry when taking part in this activity. Look for activities within the communities; the Master Gardener Programs, walking in botanical gardens and taking the time to allow for enjoyment of this walk or when a job such as painting or creating an art exhibit tying moving of this activity to another locations along with a picnic lunch. As you can review each of these activities, be sure, they are geared to different forms of ability on the part of the person. Remember they do not need to run a marathon only that the activity will get them on their feet to exercise their body or mind. Try very hard to connect this activity to a socialization activity at the same time. This will provide the benefits of each (exercise and socializing) for the person. One of the most neglected parts of life in this person's life, besides exercise, is socializing.
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Me, too, same thing. my mom could do so much at her AL but she won't. A lot of her hesitation lies in the memory loss--she won't participate in some activities because she is afraid that she wont' find her way back to her room.

Most days my mom lies in bed. I thought i was interrupting her nap so I tried different times--same thing. But she rallies and plays cards.

It is what it is. Sometimes we just have to practice acceptance.
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While they certainly want to be the person they once were (active), it is difficult with a person with dementia.
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Dear Pnenom300, Your sincere caring is such a gift to your mom. I lost my mom this month after 3 years of dementia decline. Eventually, no photos, no TV, slept a lot. A tragic loss for a energetic journalist. Yet I did discover in the last year that very old habits may still be there and you can build upon them. My mother could still play dominoes. Luckily, a volunteer at the nursing home would include her twice a week with the guys and sometimes she won. She would not remember the games but she had a couple of hours of fun. Same with Bingo. You never know. I actually hired ladies to visit on weekends when it was so slow to play dominoes. Also, she loved to have her hair combed. She remained so sweet. I missed her during the dementia and I really miss her now.
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VSDK16, I agree with you about not expecting too much. I know that I discovered that my idea of what my cousin would like or not like wasn't correct. I was using what my taste were. Like, I thought it might be boring to do things that way, but she does not have my thought process. I have to adjust to what is her mind. She is no longer thinking the way she used to, so why would she find things like cards, puzzles or reading interesting? Her brain doesn't work that way anymore. So, I have had to remind myself to think of where she is now and now what I would like to do if I were in Assisted Living.
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My Mom had no hobbies before Dementia. She was an advid reader and now can't read anymore. She blames her eyes. She had cateract surgery so that isn't the problem. She has very hard time with processing. Learning something new will not happen.
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My brother went through a stage with Parkinsons where he would like to lie on the carpeted floor where the family was and occasionally say something; seemed to like the company as long as it didn't demand much. Old familiar music often is appreciated, too.
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I know what you are going thru and it is tough. But sometimes we need to lower expectation bars. One thing is sure that they are not as unhappy as you think even in that stage. My husband when he was going downhill with AL., he can only respond to music and at the most for 2 hours. However I think he was so relaxed in those hours that would make him recharged and then he would enjoy sitting down doing nothing. I accepted that and therefore I was happy with that situation.
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This is our reality also. I gave up trying to engage my mom long ago, she prefers to just lie quietly in her bed "for a change", which is laughable because it is what she does 90% of the time. She can't follow stories on tape or TV programs any more, the only thing that offers variety to her day and that she seems to enjoy is listening to music, but that only lasts a couple of hours. She's not always sleeping, I often wonder what is going on in her head as she sits or lies silently, staring at nothing.
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Welcome to my world, also, with my wife. I bought a recumbent bike and put in the family room where we are most of the time. I refer to it now as the coat rack. I cannot get her on it even though she was excited about getting it. At Adult Daycare she does not participate in the activities anymore and most of the time she is in the sleep room. She knows where that is and the staff are great in trying to engage her but the best they can do is have her sit where the activity is going on even though she does not participate. I know though she enjoys or appreciates being around people if she is not sleeping. I will be interested in other responses but this same situation exists with a lot of people that are in my Memory support group and no-one has come up with any good answers. My challenge is to always be thinking outside the box to try something different or a different way of saying it. When something works it may be short lived.
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Visitors are a good idea. You might also try pet therapy or giving her a doll. My cousin loves her dolls and they provide her a lot of comfort. She holds, hugs and kisses them often.
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You do not say where your mom lives. If she Ives with you, she may benefit from daycare a few times each week or from a companion hired to visit her. Sometimes people with dementia react better with new people. My first mother-in-law had a stroke and she was unresponsive-until I brought her 2 young grandchildren to visit. She perked right up during each visit !!
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I know that the Memory Care unit where my cousin resides, they have activities throughout the day, such as stretching, music, reading, movie time, etc. They try to involve everyone, but obviously, they can't force a resident to participate if they want to just stay in their room. I think that at some point, the patient is not able to focus on the activity or get much enjoyment from it.

I would encourage her if she is up to it, but not insist. I would just try to add some pleasantries as described upthread, like showing her old photos, listening to music together or quietly watching tv. I would let her to what seems to make her content.
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I do agree, as the disease progresses the withdrawal comes more severe. My husband, 76 years old, has Alzheimer's, and mostly sits and watches TV all day; the old westerns like Gunsmoke and Bonanza, and he likes comedies, like Cheers. He doesn't know how to use the remote anymore so I have to be here to find the shows for him. He won't watch movies because he can't follow the story line. I thought it would be fun if we could go to Silver Sneakers together, but he went 2 times and wouldn't go back. He said he couldn't follow the moves, when he was actually doing them better than I was! Christmas was upsetting for him with all the activity, people coming and going, so I told the kids I couldn't have it here anymore. It is truly a horrible disease. Good luck and God bless.
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I'm so sorry. This is hard to accept. But sometimes people get to the point that they don't want to socialize. My mother - who was once very social - simply arrived at a point where she only wanted those close to her or the nursing home staff around. She was in a lot of pain which I think was much of it.

If your mother was once social, then you could ask the doctor to experiment with her medications. There may be other options.

However, sometimes we have to accept that these diseases take their course and we can only do so much. Forcing what the person obviously doesn't want isn't helpful.

Offering suggestions - yes - so continue to do that. I'm certain that the AL staff does the same. But you can't make it happen if it's not going to happen. Offer all of the support that you can.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol
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Many times Reminiscence activities may help to spark an interest in folks. Using familiar things that she once engaged in. eg...water plants, folding clothes. feeding pets etc......
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I'm going through the same thing with my Mother and it is very frustrating. My Mom lives in a Memory Care facility, which I thought would be great for getting her out of her apartment and engaged in activities, but as the disease progresses, she withdraws further, has less energy, and prefers to sit in her apartment most of the day. Some days I think maybe it's the medication, but when I look back to about 2 years ago when she was diagnosed, she wasn't on any meds except for high blood pressure, and she was getting the same way. I'm sorry your going through this, it's painful to experience. I'm interested in seeing the reply's to your post for some help as well.
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I am so sorry you have to go through this. Can you give us a bit more info about your mom? Was she ever social or active, or is this just a more extreme example of how she always was? How far along in her dementia is she? Can she still read or converse or follow a tv show? Could you put a radio in her room and tune it to some quiet music she might like? Would she take a walk with you, if it's not too cold? Do any friends or relatives come to visit? Tell us a bit more about her and you'll get some good suggestions...
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