My mother believes we are "hired" actors to be her family and have been plotting to have her hospitalized. She wants to have us arrested and refuses to see us. It is just the 3 of us, no other family. We have been caring for her for several years but it is just recently the confusion and agitation started. She was in a nursing home for PT rehab due to poor mobility as a result of significant fluid and weight loss. Her sleep patterns are all over the place and she has been refusing to eat. She has had multiple hospital stays since June due to the fluid problem. In some areas she seems very clear but when it comes to me and my dad, she is convinced we are other people and out to get her. She has accused me of stealing their money, remortgaging their home, etc. We don't know if it's dementia, the Dr's are saying delusions and some sun downers right now.
I think probably the best thing you can do is comfort your father through this horrible phase. Keep going to the hospital, but perhaps keep a low profile until you can gauge what frame of mind your mother is in at that moment; and keep your father out of the firing line if your mother is being combative. Take care of each other. I hope there's better news very soon.
As for how to deal with it, right now it's just one day at a time. It might help for you and your father to visit your mom separately if seeing the two of your antagonizes her.
If she's delusional while you're there don't try to convince her that what she thinks isn't real, it will only agitate her more. Hold her hand or kiss her on the forehead, whatever you're comfortable with. Be comforting and supportive. If she's agitated already or begins to get agitated cut your visit short.
www.agingcare.com/articles/Caring-for-a-Loved-One-with-Capgras-Syndrome-197688.htm
I am sorry that you are having to deal with increased confusion and agitation. This commonly happens with elderly when taken out of their normal routine and surroundings. I am not suggesting to bring her home, by any means. But, dementia or no the confusion is quite common.
What if it does not improve? Have you and Dad discussed what is next? Is there a social worker from the facility that will help you with this decision? If not, get the social worker involved they are very skilled in helping families with these decisions.
Keep working on her behalf to see if a solution can be found , as in the suggestions above, and then...
Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. It is painful but no one is to blame. Sometimes we have to accept and let god do his/her work.
Hugs!
Get used to misidentification as it lasts a long time, but does improve. When she asks, "What is your name?", she is trying to determine if that person is the "real" one, or is the "identical imposter". Just tell her your name, relationship and the three magic words, "I love you".
I would recommend you learn more about delirium treatment. You should be careful about medications for anxiety/agitation, as many of them can worsen or prolong delirium.
Impostor delusions in older adults are virtually always associated with other brain function problems. These can be chronic, like in Alzheimer's and other dementias, or they can be new and due to illness or medication side-effects. Studies estimate that 10-30% of dementia patients can experience impostor delusions. So doctors don't talk much about Capgras because they are likely lumping it within the spectrum of dementia behaviors/dsyfunctions (which is reasonable, although note that most doctors and hospitals still do a bad job of managing dementia and delirium, which is NOT reasonable and is a focus of improvement within healthcare circles).
Good luck, I hope she gets better soon.
I wonder if bringing photos would help, as Johnny J mentioned, and also telling stories of your growing up years, family anecdotes, vacations, first day of school, etc. "Mom, do you remember when....?" She may forget that she is talking to an "impostor" for a few minutes while you both reminisce.
Best to you and your dad. Hang in there!
#2 What meds is she currently taking?
#3 Is she taking Lasix for the edema?
#4 Determine the reason for sleeplessness
#5 Determine the reason for not eating
#6 Are her teeth a problem and thus, not allowing her to eat food?