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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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She normally showers once a week. Postponing that a couple of days may be because they were short-handed on her normal day, someone took much longer than they expect, your mother said she was too cold to shower that day, there was a plumbing problem ... who knows? You could find out about it, though, if you ask.
My mom used to love showers, too. And then suddenly she not only didn't love them, she hated them. Maybe your mom still does look forward to her Thursday shower. But don't assume that. Ask at care conference.
Food. Ahh. The Big Likability Factor. Mom loves the meals at her NH -- espeically that she doesn't have to shop for them or cook them or clean up after them! :) When I eat there with her I think the good is fairly bland and unimaginative, but certainly acceptable. I have heard other residents complain that the food is terrible. It is one of those areas where it is hard to please everyone! If your mom has special needs -- easy-to-chew foods, for example -- have you discussed that with the staff? The dietary person usually comes to the care conferences. Also they keep track of who skips meals and how often, or who eats almost nothing, so you could get an accurate picture about that. Is Mom losing weight? At my mom's nh there are two main choices for supper and also soup or sandwiches if neither choice appeals to the resident. What options does your mother have?
I'm with Babalou. Be sure to attend care conferences and/or to talk to appropriate people on the staff to get all the details about your mother's care. Talk to them about what your mother needs/prefers.
My mom, too, was a shower and bath lover "before". At the nh, she's mostly content with once a week, except...
One day, my sil said " oh, it's so nice, tonight you'll have your shower" Mom said safly " no, i can't take showers anymore". After some extensive investigation, it turned out th hat mom had been refusing showers because she hsd suddenly decided that it meant she had yo stand ( she'd been using a dhower chair for 6 months ). There is no guessing and very little teasoning from prior knowledge in eldercare!
Lisa, back in June your Mom was placed in a nursing home after a fall. What are her medical issues? Is it more than regular age decline? Does she had memory issues?
Elder with memory issues go through a phase where they hate to take baths/showers and will fight tooth and nail not to have one. If a patient is uncooperative, there isn't a whole lot a nursing home can do, as there are other patients to bath/shower.
The dry shampooing appears to be a lot easier to do then washing an elders hair in the shower. The hospital and nursing home used that for my Mom's hair and she liked it :)
lisaformarilyn, I see that your question about the "norm" has been answered. Dry shampoo is fairly standard.
Who selected this facility for her? Do you think you could do a better job now that you know what to look for? Is it feasible to change to a place you think Mom would like better?
I do believe in Michigan it is stated that nursing home/memory facility patients are required to be given 2 showers per week. Or maybe that is attempted cleanings! Of course you will get many reasons why only two, one of them being very thin skin on seniors and tearing of skin. If you are concerned can you hire an aide for an additional cleaning per week? Maybe you could be present and chat with her to distract her. Does she need to sit? Are the showers walk in or wheel in? Did you ask Mom why she didn't want a shower or cleaning? Maybe you can find out that something bothers her about the process, whether it is modesty or maybe someone touching her . My MIL hated the aides touching her. I do believe it was all about cultural and up-bringing differences combined with her resistance that made it a difficult process for all. I hope by this date(based on the date you posted) that you have had some resolution in this matter.
One thing to look at is the state of the other residents in your mom's unit. Just like I would evaluate a daycare. Is everybody filthy with inflated diapers and crusted snot or just my kid? If it's everybody, then you may be onto something systemic. If it's just one or two, then there's more to the story.
Saying someone has behaviors that prevent hygiene is not a dead end. Talk to the doctor about the behaviors. That plus any personality changes can mean a variety of things that are totally fixable like a UTI or medication conflict. Or it can mean they've entered a new stage on the road through dementia and you need creative solutions. Warm body wipes and only do part of her at a time so she doesn't get cold.
If you are concerned for your mother's care and safety, then look at other choices that can meet her present and future needs to satisfaction. Nobody "has" to stay anywhere unless there's a court order. It's not prison.
At the same time, document your concerns to the director of nursing and the facility manager. Take pictures to have a visual of multiple instances over time. Research the facility with your state department of health for complaints and self-reported incidents.
It's a hard road to navigate. My mother has bitten, hit, spit on, slapped, and fought bathing and changing. It's not as bad as before, but during that time, it was an impossible job for anyone. Restraints are illegal.
Mom wouldn't let anybody touch her nails. Her hands were disgusting. She wouldn't let anybody wipe her hands or cut her nails. They were long, jagged, and cracked. The crud under her nails was so built up I almost barfed. We all tried. Any stranger coming in to see my mom would have been outraged. This went on for weeks and weeks. I finally caught a lucky break and was able to de-crud and cut her nails while she was distracted. Hal-le-loo!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mom used to love showers, too. And then suddenly she not only didn't love them, she hated them. Maybe your mom still does look forward to her Thursday shower. But don't assume that. Ask at care conference.
Food. Ahh. The Big Likability Factor. Mom loves the meals at her NH -- espeically that she doesn't have to shop for them or cook them or clean up after them! :) When I eat there with her I think the good is fairly bland and unimaginative, but certainly acceptable. I have heard other residents complain that the food is terrible. It is one of those areas where it is hard to please everyone! If your mom has special needs -- easy-to-chew foods, for example -- have you discussed that with the staff? The dietary person usually comes to the care conferences. Also they keep track of who skips meals and how often, or who eats almost nothing, so you could get an accurate picture about that. Is Mom losing weight? At my mom's nh there are two main choices for supper and also soup or sandwiches if neither choice appeals to the resident. What options does your mother have?
I'm with Babalou. Be sure to attend care conferences and/or to talk to appropriate people on the staff to get all the details about your mother's care. Talk to them about what your mother needs/prefers.
One day, my sil said " oh, it's so nice, tonight you'll have your shower"
Mom said safly " no, i can't take showers anymore". After some extensive investigation, it turned out th hat mom had been refusing showers because she hsd suddenly decided that it meant she had yo stand ( she'd been using a dhower chair for 6 months ). There is no guessing and very little teasoning from prior knowledge in eldercare!
Elder with memory issues go through a phase where they hate to take baths/showers and will fight tooth and nail not to have one. If a patient is uncooperative, there isn't a whole lot a nursing home can do, as there are other patients to bath/shower.
The dry shampooing appears to be a lot easier to do then washing an elders hair in the shower. The hospital and nursing home used that for my Mom's hair and she liked it :)
Who selected this facility for her? Do you think you could do a better job now that you know what to look for? Is it feasible to change to a place you think Mom would like better?
It sounds as though you are dissatisfied with her care.
Saying someone has behaviors that prevent hygiene is not a dead end. Talk to the doctor about the behaviors. That plus any personality changes can mean a variety of things that are totally fixable like a UTI or medication conflict. Or it can mean they've entered a new stage on the road through dementia and you need creative solutions. Warm body wipes and only do part of her at a time so she doesn't get cold.
If you are concerned for your mother's care and safety, then look at other choices that can meet her present and future needs to satisfaction. Nobody "has" to stay anywhere unless there's a court order. It's not prison.
At the same time, document your concerns to the director of nursing and the facility manager. Take pictures to have a visual of multiple instances over time.
Research the facility with your state department of health for complaints and self-reported incidents.
It's a hard road to navigate. My mother has bitten, hit, spit on, slapped, and fought bathing and changing. It's not as bad as before, but during that time, it was an impossible job for anyone. Restraints are illegal.
Mom wouldn't let anybody touch her nails. Her hands were disgusting. She wouldn't let anybody wipe her hands or cut her nails. They were long, jagged, and cracked. The crud under her nails was so built up I almost barfed. We all tried. Any stranger coming in to see my mom would have been outraged. This went on for weeks and weeks. I finally caught a lucky break and was able to de-crud and cut her nails while she was distracted. Hal-le-loo!
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