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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Benefits and services? Oh, that is the least of your worries if you move her in with you.
There is a reason people are telling you to not do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them.
Kindly consider:
-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.
-Can you lift her every day?
-You may need an aide. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?
-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too? She may not be incontinent now, but it’s likely going to happen.
-Are you able to help bathing?
-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?
-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.
-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done?
-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day?
- If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?
-If she is living alone at this age, she may have a stubborn streak where she wants to be in HER home and do things her way. Moving her in to YOUR home may be a struggle. Because while you think she is “home” with you, she feels like she isn’t home at all. Having just a bedroom and bathroom is much different than having your own home.
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.
And yes, 101 is quite elderly, but I know of someone who made it to 106. It’s not as uncommon as it used to be! Can you do this for several years?
If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.
I recently moved my parents out of Virginia. They are only in their early 80’s so I’m sure there are many different factors than there would be if they had been 101. That said, the biggest impact on benefits/services was that their current Health Insurance plan would not cover them in the new state. Once that was changed to a plan that would cover them in the new state, the biggest hurdle has been finding (and getting an appointment) doctors and specialists. We have been working diligently on this and it is going to be 10 months before we’ve finally gotten in to see every doctor they have needed. Still waiting on an Audiologist and they can’t get in until October. It has been a very difficult and drawn-out experience.
I also vote against moving 101 year old mom for all the reasons others have suggest, and there are more that haven’t even been listed. You’re trying to do the right thing for her but you have no idea what you’re in for.
Hmfitts, I wouldn't move Mom out of her area. She is use to being where she is. and when she watches/listens to the local news, she can be familiar with the anchors presenting the news and the locations they are speaking about. Plus she is use to her doctors, etc.
Rather look for an Assisted Living facility in her area where she can around people of her generation. My Dad was in his 90's when he moved to senior living, just two miles from his previous location. He loved the facility, and had wished he would have moved there earlier on.
Do not do this. Period. We tried moving my grandmother to live with my parents when she was quite old and a bit confused but not dementia - she was grounded as to time and place. It lasted a week before she was so confused she had no idea where she was, who we were, that she wasn't visiting her long dead aunt, that her husband (who had been dead for about 50 years) wasn't coming home from work soon..... You get the picture. Once she was no longer in any place where she felt grounded she deteriorated very, very quickly. Luckily her other daughter came and got her and returned her to previous area, although not to her home, and she was able to return to her previous, confused but not demented, state. There was something about the trip, the change, the new doctors, etc that just set up a cycle that was awful. Now, your actual question was about benefits which I can't answer but I do know that every state and locality has somewhat different services available so check carefully before you make any move. Go to your area on aging to get the official information and don't just take the advice of us well-meaning random strangers.
A better question to ask is, if you move a 101 year old mother in with your wife and yourself, what impact will it have on YOUR LIVES! 😑 Look into Assisted Living close by to your home and getting her Medicare program transferred to your state instead.
I agree with FreqFlyer on not moving your Mom from where she is currently unless she is unhappy where she is. That said, as far as costs there is really no way we as the general public can know what costs would be incurred overall. It is up to you to research all that, and we sure wish you luck as some of us had to do it with our own elders. If Mom is currently on medicaid do research the program in your own state as compared to the state where she currently resides. There will be costs in moving, and difficulties with the moving of someone this elderly. Sure wish you luck in your decision.
She’s 101???? Omg so how old are you & your wife??? And how are you yourself & your wife faring for being all 100% able to go and do on your own in your own home? What kind of existing health concerns do you & wife have….. really truly realistically what’s your living situation? & this b4 even thinking on having 101 mom with you or you taking on responsibility for her even if she goes into a NH?
Ok on “what she is entitled to”, there are only 2, possibly 3, things she is “entitled” to: MediCARE and a Social Security benefit. And VA benefit if deceased hubs was a Vet or she was. SSA is fixed $ no matter where she lives. May need to change banks. MediCARE dependent on if on Original Medicare & whatever secondary health insurance she gets to go with her Original. Original is portable so will work in VA or NC for Part A, but Part B probably will not (unless part B high option FEHIB) so she will need to find a new Part B. If she is on MediCARE Advantage plan those are completely tied into a provider network in her city or region and if not it’s all out of network serious $$$ costs. She will have to find new Medicare Advantage plan in NC. If she was to move in with you, easiest would be to have her switch to whatever MediCARE system you & wf use. & hopefully your providers take new pts. Good luck on that.
Other programs, like facility based Medicaid, PACE type of day programs, inhome care, are all “at need” for eligibility for residents of a State. Not entitlements per se. She would need to apply to and show documentation for being “at need” for a specific program. Most states do “at need” both medically and financially for a program.
Medical at need tends to be determined via a needs assessment on elder along with review of health & hospitalization charts & medications. I would imagine any good NH or AL will want to see a recent assessment on your 101 yr old mom. I’d suggest that you try to get one done now on her while still in VA. If she’s in a facility, the DON should know an outside contractor who does these. If she’s still living in her home, the Area on Aging should have a list of SW who do them.
Financial “at need” is on her & you as her POA to provide & could be 5 years on all banking & financial & property records. If you are not POA, she better be competent & cognitive to be able to do this in front of an elder law atty in NC. Otherwise you will need to go to court for guardianship.
it’s going to be lots of work & $ to do any of this. If she is not somewhat cognitive, still relatively healthy and reasonably easy going compliant to do what others ask, it will be a nightmare.
Imo only way this is ever simple is IF she has a ton of $$$$ AND is already totally private pay in a facility that has a sister facility in your city that can meet her assessed level of care needed. Like what Brookdale or what Omega Healthcare has; so the facility takes care of all things necessary (& charges $ for) for her to move out & be transported with an aide she already knows to a facility in the new state & then mom moves into the sister facility and the old aide stays with her a couple of days to help her settle. Seriously do-able & serious $ to do.
if your wf has her own elder family to deal with, realize those are likely her priority first & foremost, not your mom……just sayin’
I have found with the elders in my Church, that moving them hastened their passing. I live in NJ and one of Moms friends agreed to move to Vegas to live with a daughter by car. She had a stroke on the way. Another man Toby lived alone in his little house surrounded by Church neighbors. (very close neighborhood) He was still very active in the Church doing what he could. He was talked into moving in with daughter in another State, he passed within the year. Same neighborhood, Mr R lost his wife in their 80s. He moved in with son somewhere in the South. He lasted 2 yrs but told me on a visit home that he was very bored living with son since son worked. No familiar Church, no familiar people. Hard to make friends when ur 80 yrs old. These people I mention all went to the same Church, as neighbors, always there to help each other. Oh, Mr. K, he was 102 when he passed. His daughter was living in Cal, retired and moved back home buying a house right next to Dad. I think this is why he lived to be 102. He had his longtime neighbors (at least 60 yrs), his Church he attended regularly and his family living close by.
Mom is 101, God Bless her. Not saying you need to move where she is but leave her where she is. The Elderly do not adjust well to change. Find options for her care.
This from two seperate professionals - I heard the exact same thing from an r.n. and ( independently of the r.n.) a long time senior living home supervisor that it’s a thing about seniors passing soon after being moved somewhere else. The following year a friends father in law was moved into a fancy AL facility by the other sibling and he passed away suddenly within a couple months, had been doing ok where he was previously in his own home.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
There is a reason people are telling you to not do this. Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do home care too, and now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them.
Kindly consider:
-Any sort of schedule you have now will be out the window.
-Can you lift her every day?
-You may need an aide. Are you okay with workers (strangers) in your house?
-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day, and night too? She may not be incontinent now, but it’s likely going to happen.
-Are you able to help bathing?
-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?
-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need anything, but you'll find almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you want or need time out.
-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done?
-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs? If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work the next day?
- If you get sick, injured, or compromised, what plan do you have for her care?
-If she is living alone at this age, she may have a stubborn streak where she wants to be in HER home and do things her way. Moving her in to YOUR home may be a struggle. Because while you think she is “home” with you, she feels like she isn’t home at all. Having just a bedroom and bathroom is much different than having your own home.
I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Most on here loved their elder dearly and wanted to care for them. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.
And yes, 101 is quite elderly, but I know of someone who made it to 106. It’s not as uncommon as it used to be! Can you do this for several years?
If you're bound and determined to move her to your house, certainly no one can stop you. Just go into this with open eyes and KNOW what you are taking on.
It can be a quick route to being a single man, just saying..
Rather look for an Assisted Living facility in her area where she can around people of her generation. My Dad was in his 90's when he moved to senior living, just two miles from his previous location. He loved the facility, and had wished he would have moved there earlier on.
Look into Assisted Living close by to your home and getting her Medicare program transferred to your state instead.
That said, as far as costs there is really no way we as the general public can know what costs would be incurred overall. It is up to you to research all that, and we sure wish you luck as some of us had to do it with our own elders. If Mom is currently on medicaid do research the program in your own state as compared to the state where she currently resides. There will be costs in moving, and difficulties with the moving of someone this elderly.
Sure wish you luck in your decision.
And how are you yourself & your wife faring for being all 100% able to go and do on your own in your own home? What kind of existing health concerns do you & wife have….. really truly realistically what’s your living situation? & this b4 even thinking on having 101 mom with you or you taking on responsibility for her even if she goes into a NH?
Ok on “what she is entitled to”, there are only 2, possibly 3, things she is “entitled” to: MediCARE and a Social Security benefit. And VA benefit if deceased hubs was a Vet or she was.
SSA is fixed $ no matter where she lives. May need to change banks.
MediCARE dependent on if on Original Medicare & whatever secondary health insurance she gets to go with her Original. Original is portable so will work in VA or NC for Part A, but Part B probably will not (unless part B high option FEHIB) so she will need to find a new Part B.
If she is on MediCARE Advantage plan those are completely tied into a provider network in her city or region and if not it’s all out of network serious $$$ costs. She will have to find new Medicare Advantage plan in NC. If she was to move in with you, easiest would be to have her switch to whatever MediCARE system you & wf use. & hopefully your providers take new pts. Good luck on that.
Other programs, like facility based Medicaid, PACE type of day programs, inhome care, are all “at need” for eligibility for residents of a State. Not entitlements per se. She would need to apply to and show documentation for being “at need” for a specific program. Most states do “at need” both medically and financially for a program.
Medical at need tends to be determined via a needs assessment on elder along with review of health & hospitalization charts & medications. I would imagine any good NH or AL will want to see a recent assessment on your 101 yr old mom. I’d suggest that you try to get one done now on her while still in VA. If she’s in a facility, the DON should know an outside contractor who does these. If she’s still living in her home, the Area on Aging should have a list of SW who do them.
Financial “at need” is on her & you as her POA to provide & could be 5 years on all banking & financial & property records. If you are not POA, she better be competent & cognitive to be able to do this in front of an elder law atty in NC. Otherwise you will need to go to court for guardianship.
it’s going to be lots of work & $ to do any of this. If she is not somewhat cognitive, still relatively healthy and reasonably easy going compliant to do what others ask, it will be a nightmare.
Imo only way this is ever simple is IF she has a ton of $$$$ AND is already totally private pay in a facility that has a sister facility in your city that can meet her assessed level of care needed. Like what Brookdale or what Omega Healthcare has; so the facility takes care of all things necessary (& charges $ for) for her to move out & be transported with an aide she already knows to a facility in the new state & then mom moves into the sister facility and the old aide stays with her a couple of days to help her settle. Seriously do-able & serious $ to do.
if your wf has her own elder family to deal with, realize those are likely her priority first & foremost, not your mom……just sayin’
Mom is 101, God Bless her. Not saying you need to move where she is but leave her where she is. The Elderly do not adjust well to change. Find options for her care.