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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Alcoholic parents are a challenge. There have been studies and programs lately that look into measured doses of alcohol instead of complete abstinence or allowing binging. What would happen if you doled out the wine starting at lunch time? Allow Mum to get a bit of a buzz with out being obliterated? A small 2 oz glass every hour or two, instead of her downing 24 oz all at once?
Have you talked to her doctor about the drinking? It may interact with medication.
How does she get her wine? Is she able to shop for it, or are you providing it? Is she in your home or in her own? If she is in her own home is she safe there once she starts to drink?
When you say she is embarrassing once she starts to drink, is she in public, around friends and family? Why does her behaviour embarrass you, can you separate yourself from her actions?
My grandmother always had a bottle of Rye beside the kitchen sink with a small juice glass beside it. Throughout the day she would pour in some Rye, top it up with water and down it. I have no idea how long a bottle would last, but I do know there always was one there. In the end when she would no longer drive, family would buy her a bottle. There was no way at 80+ yeas old and dying with Leukemia, she was going to stop drinking. It did get to be less and less as death approached.
I believe that alcoholism can only be managed in the elderly, they are not going to stop drinking after a lifetime of it. It is not easy to see a parents dependence on alcohol, drugs, cigarettes etc. It is even harder to facilitate it.
The wine could be masking a number of health problems. Has she always had a bottle of wine or is this something new. Only at night? Not that this doesn't mean she can be considered an alcoholic but its kind of weird. Maybe she has a raging hangover until she starts drinking again.
At 80 she probably should be evaluated and some test run. She could be in the first stages of ALZ/Dementia.
It is a difficult situation. Perhaps like Tothill says she might be less ‘irritable and defensive’ if she has a little earlier in the day, instead of holding out and then bingeing. This might make a good slice of the day easier for her (and you) to manage.
You should definitely check the alcohol content of what she is drinking. Wine can vary from 11 to 15 percent alcohol, and high alcohol wine can have an overwhelming effect if it is drunk quickly. Some people drink down a large glass as if it is water, partly because they are holding out for a drink and they are actually thirsty! You could try her on wine/water combination – it could even be a trade off for starting it earlier in the day.
Perhaps you just accept that she is an alcoholic, be frank about it in public, and try not to be embarrassed about it. Some people have printed cards to hand out explaining that their parent has dementia when embarrassing comments are made to strangers – you could consider something similar. Best wishes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Have you talked to her doctor about the drinking? It may interact with medication.
How does she get her wine? Is she able to shop for it, or are you providing it? Is she in your home or in her own? If she is in her own home is she safe there once she starts to drink?
When you say she is embarrassing once she starts to drink, is she in public, around friends and family? Why does her behaviour embarrass you, can you separate yourself from her actions?
My grandmother always had a bottle of Rye beside the kitchen sink with a small juice glass beside it. Throughout the day she would pour in some Rye, top it up with water and down it. I have no idea how long a bottle would last, but I do know there always was one there. In the end when she would no longer drive, family would buy her a bottle. There was no way at 80+ yeas old and dying with Leukemia, she was going to stop drinking. It did get to be less and less as death approached.
I believe that alcoholism can only be managed in the elderly, they are not going to stop drinking after a lifetime of it. It is not easy to see a parents dependence on alcohol, drugs, cigarettes etc. It is even harder to facilitate it.
At 80 she probably should be evaluated and some test run. She could be in the first stages of ALZ/Dementia.
You should definitely check the alcohol content of what she is drinking. Wine can vary from 11 to 15 percent alcohol, and high alcohol wine can have an overwhelming effect if it is drunk quickly. Some people drink down a large glass as if it is water, partly because they are holding out for a drink and they are actually thirsty! You could try her on wine/water combination – it could even be a trade off for starting it earlier in the day.
Perhaps you just accept that she is an alcoholic, be frank about it in public, and try not to be embarrassed about it. Some people have printed cards to hand out explaining that their parent has dementia when embarrassing comments are made to strangers – you could consider something similar. Best wishes.